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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

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Latest Activity: Jun 5, 2019

For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

Discussion Forum

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What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Adebiyi kehinde temitope Jan 9, 2013. 55 Replies

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Is flirting harmless? hahahaContinue

finding and keeping a life partner

Started by tameika cassandra wray mcdermott. Last reply by Soldier Jun 22, 2011. 4 Replies

the 23 of june coming will be my fourth anniversary .i got married when i was not a christian,yes i loved him it was not just about loving him, we have been together for five years before we decided…Continue

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by melanie ann mendoza Mar 21, 2011. 13 Replies

RelationshipsThe choice of a career path and of a lifetime partner are probably the two most important decisions (apart from salvation) that we ever make. Does the Bible offer us some guidance in the…Continue

Pure or Dirty.......What's the difference?

Started by Chilombo. Last reply by Chilombo Feb 17, 2011. 2 Replies

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Comment by David Velasquez on December 20, 2009 at 12:12pm
Comment by David Velasquez on December 19, 2009 at 11:16am
Ivo-

Excellent understanding of the workings of our Lord "in the lives of His servants, "He is making our relationship stronger and testing us at the same time".

Pass the test beloved - hahaha
Comment by David Velasquez on December 19, 2009 at 11:11am
Wow!!!!! Bob,

Can I move to Vermont to be mentor by you bro. Hahaha
GREAT STUFF YOU shared below. Your counsel is very wise and I pray we/I can heed to it.

Living in holiness so my Daddy can bless me in his timing.
Comment by Pastor Bob B on December 19, 2009 at 5:43am

David this is a really good check list to keep in mind when choosing a life partner. I know from first hand how much trouble can come into your life from not being careful with choosing a life partner. When you get what I call, "twitter pated" ( from the movie Bambi )you can loose your sound judgement.
This is why it is important to listen to other friends and family members, especially immediate family so that the in love thing doesn't lead you down the wrong path. I remember seeing warning signed when I was dating and the in love thing motivated me to ignore the signs.

God will lead you in the way you should go and not in the way you would go. He desires us to have a life partner, but not at the expense of spending years of turmoil and all the other stuff that goes along with a bad marriage.

I wish some one had guided me more when I was young teaching me that I needed to become a whole and complete person in Jesus Christ so that the motives of my heart in seeking a partner would have been right. I thought that if I was 50% whole that my wife would make up the difference, but it is not fair to place that kind of an expectation on another person.

God has called us into relationships that are wonderfully filled with expectancy, but never to fall into to expectations. This is where things start to go wrong, and is where many in the Church falter in their relationship with the Lord.

God loves us and desires wonderful things for us in our relationship with Him, but we tend to turn it into a list of expectations we place on ourselves and call that a relationship with God. If I pray 15 minutes, read a chapter a day, go to church on Sunday, etc. this is not relationship, but it will happen in our other relationships also. I have done it in relationships with family members over the years, If I visit Aunt Donna once a week then I am fulfilling my expectation.

God wants to show the lost world about Himself in a marriage union, so it is important ant that we make sure we are setting these things in place so that we as Christians reflect that to them in how we love each other.
 

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