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Is online dating really safe and acceptable for Christians?

Many people are apprehensive at first about online dating. This is a normal reaction because it is fear of the unknown.

However, online dating is popular and more accepted in today's society.
In this fast moving society, many people have less time to socialize with others. More people are working harder and longer hours, trying to make ends meet. Thanks to new technologies, online single dating is fast becoming a common means of meeting people.

Do people really lie on online dating sites?
Most people are honest. Unfortunately, not everyone is truthful about the information they will give you. Sometimes people lie out of fear of being rejected.

This type of person may lie about his weight, looks or other physical features. This has to do more with insecurities, in which we all suffer from at one time or another.

Others may not tell the truth because they do not want something to be uncovered in their life. These people may lie about their job, occupation, income or whether they are seeing someone else.

Still, some may not be truthful because they are habitual liars. These people will lie about almost anything. Where they live, their occupation and assets.

Keep your eyes open for people who are being dishonest. Christian relationships are founded on trust and if you can't trust an individual, then quickly move them out of your search for a potential Christian match.
How do I choose a Christian Dating Partner?
As a Christian, it should be important for you to have Christ-centered relationships. Wisely consider if the person you are dating is one of good character and morals. This includes friendship, as well as dating mates. One thing to keep in mind: do not be in such a hurry! Be certain their beliefs line up with yours. Some religions can differ in beliefs when it comes to the bible and the deity of Jesus Christ. Allow a new relationship to grow. Get to know each individual and each individual is needs also, including your own. This is especially important for single Christian parents.
http://www.christianmingle.com/tips_and_advice/safe_dater.html
THOUGHTS

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Replies to This Discussion

I never tried online dating but I am starting to think it is the only way someone in my part of the world could possibly find a woman who walks in faith. As far as honesty, how can you expect to find a "life partner" if you are going to lie about yourself. I'll continue to pray for my God loving partner and just maybe I'll find her online. Girls, don't worry, I'll be adding my photo soon.
hahaha well you got a great sense of humor going for you bro as well as Spirituality, which you show by your desire for true Godly woman.

Honesty is a must in all matter of life and so very essential in this one.
Thanks for the compliment. Speaking of honesty, I truely was the class clown back in school. Honestly though, the Lord has given you great talent. You are a great writer and I enjoyed reading your wisdom and insight on the subject.
I don't have a whole lot to say about this. I don't believe it is necessarily wrong. My family always says that you should be a persons friend before you try any other relationship. Often the websites I've seen (yes I have looked at them) will ask you what you are looking for. A safer way of doing it for both you and the other person could be to say that you are looking for friends with the potential of it becoming more if the right person comes along. Also, I don't think it would be wise to be quick in vonlunteering personal information about yourself. I think it wise to keep the conversation on neutral topics until you feel comfortable with whom you're talking to. I personally have known some people that online dating has worked for and they are now happily married but they will say that it can be harder doing it that way. I couldn't give a positive example on my part because when I tried to use online dating the site couldn't find me any matches......
Here is my take on “On Line Christian dating” services etc...

I became a member of one of the best known services about a year an a half ago, which was more expensive than my cable and internet services combine. I was going to school, working and extremely active in ministry. The Spanish ministry I belong to is growing, but fairly small. We are a little over 100 adults presently and there is no one that I can date. Everyone is either too young for me or married.

So I decided to join a site and see what happened. Well I got a bunch of matches and started to communicate with them. Letting them know that I am call to pastor, my strengths and weaknesses, through normal messages/emails. I firmly believe in being prudent and taking things slow, but I AM A FIRM BELIEVER OF BEING HONEST. I love to communicate, so I have no problem talking, so I invested quite a bit of time an effort to the people I was match with and informed them that they were not the only ones I was talking to.

After much communication and apperant compatibility we would take the friendship to the next step, I would offer my phone # and we would enjoy great conversations. After an appropriate time and plenty of phone conversation I would ask them out on a date. Never, ever would I ask more than one person out on a date. Whenever I found someone that seemed compatible with me, I would informed the other sisters that I would have to put our friendship on hold, because I was about to go out with a match. Everyone was way more hip than me and they all seem to be ok with it.

This was my first time ever trying the On Line thing. Matter of fact here in AAG is the first time I ever use the chatting function of a web site. And this is only my second community of Christians I have belonged to. So being very naïve on the On line dating thingy I was full of hopes.
But my experiences were horrible ones. I am not perfect but I truly love God and want a life in holiness and my experiences with the matches from the site were all sad ones.

I found that people can be WHO-EVER THEY WANT TO BE IN CYBER SPACE AND COMPLETLY CONSTRUCT THIS AWESOME PERSON AND THEN YOU MEET THEM AND IS LIKE DUDE ARE YOU KIDDING ME HAHAHAHA

My first date was going well, very pretty girl, we talked about God quite a bit and after dinner and a movie I drove her home, where she asked to stay for coffee , I was a fool and did not listen to the Spirit when He told me, go home son. So there I was waiting for coffee, when the girl came out on her victoria secret's hahaha is funny now but it was heart breaking then. I had invested so much time communicating with this girl and for this. I was not even tempted, though she was extremely attractive. I was disappointed. I remember telling her, did I not make myself clear to you, that I love God and want to serve Him? I asked her to get dress and the preacher part of me came out and we had a good talk.

The second date had submitted pictures from 15 years ago and was nothing like her picture now. I know that sounds horrible, but I need to be attracted to my future wife spiritually, intellectually and physically. In a way she was lying by having such old pics of herself on the site.

The phew other dates I went on were more work then fun. So I have mixed feeling about on line dating. I have also met happy couples that met through the net or such Christian dating services, but Lord, you better be ready to go through some disappointments before you meet the one I suppose. I stopped my membership about a year ago and now wait on Daddy hahahaha it’s cheaper and is what I should do anyways hehe. But I remain open.

Well I hope you had a couple of laughs due to my pain hahahaha
thank you for sharing and also think some of it was hilarious experiences but
what stood out as I read your writing. SAW A REAL CHRISTIAN MAN WITH REAL CHRISTIAN PRINCIPALS. GOD BLESS YOU
Praise God beloved. Thank you for your kind words. God is good man, He changes us.
Hi David,

Just read this (your piece) now.. thanks for sharing. I'm glad I took your advice and read the whole thing.

All is well that ends well, for you. You found her. I'm guessing you now have a more hopeful disposition regarding online dating. (",)

I got a bit apprehensive for a moment because I think I may have disregarded some of the advice people placed in their comments here. But as an afterthought, I think I am being guided by the HS in my every move with this new guy I met here. It may seem so fast but God's time is not man's time. So I remain open.

But you know, the one good thing that knowing this man has brought me is that I am now free of the bondage with the lost love I've been burdened with for more than a year now. God allowed me to see that hope and peace is attainable through this new guy. Just weeks ago I was thinking, I may never wake up in the morning without having the old relationship in mind. But now, he's out of my consciousness... seriously. That can only be God's work. And the good thing with this new guy is, since I am now at peace, and maybe have a bit of God's joy in my heart, if this new relationship does not turn into my favor... I know I will be alright and it will not result to the kind of unhealthy heartbreak I had with the last one.

But I continue to ask for prayers... there are lots of things to consider and as you said, guarding your heart is very essential with this online dating set up, for all the various reasons you mentioned. Bottomline is, I'm not sure if you'll agree... I am leaving it all up to God. I had told him already that I am not lifting a finger on this one and will just let him do all the work. I was soooo exhausted with the last one, mind you.

Again, thanks! God bless you! (",)

Macky
I have been going with a guy for almost 7 months that found me on line. At first he lied a lot to me about his marital status, age, address etc.
When I found out I was devasted. We broke up for almost 2 weeks but got back together after some long discussions. His wife left him last Oct. They don't plan on getting a divorce, but neither one of us wants to get married again any way. We are not in love, but just very good friends. We see each other almost every day, which is really too much for me. We are both lonely and the companionship is great for both of us. One big problem is he does not believe in God. He was in the Korean war, he flew fighter missions. He saw so many awful things and blames God. I tried to explain to him that it was not Gods fault what his children are doing to one another, but it really didn't make a difference.Now we just avoid the subject. Is this the right thing to do? I really don't want to lose him over this subject.
Let me asked a couple of questions first and then proceed to advice you the best I know how, being conscience that there are real limitations in this type of communications via net.

1. Do you attend a church you call home and a pastor you are accountable to?

2. Have you thought about how you would feel if you were married and your husband was doing this to you?

My tone is always a loving and friendly tone sis, so do know that ok.

It is never wise for a woman to meet with a marry fellow as you are describing the friendship with the gentleman. Never recommended or wise. His best friend should be his wife and not you. You should remind him of that. We do not hate the lost or run from them, but we do try to evangelize them with our walk and testimony, but I cannot stress enough how inappropriate, it is for a single Christian woman to meet with a man who is marry and not a Christian.

John 17:15
My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one.

We are not ignorant of how the evil one works and you predicament is like playing with fire.

Romans 14:16
Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil.

We are call to do away even with those things that have the appearance of evil.

Sis we have the freedom to do lots of things, but some of those things are not beneficial.

As your brother in Christ beloved, I encourage you to seek comfort in the Lord and look to become a member of a Godly church sis.

In God's love - Dave
amen and amen
Perfect Bro David. I have been going through all your posts. It's definitely not right to be best friends with someone else spouse (Opposite sex). Talking about getting life partner, it's unfortunate I did not find this website on time. My book on relationships and marriages is currently with Strategic Books, there in USA. Their production team is working on it (Though i have not completed the payment for the production), by God's grace, it will be out this December. This was a message from God directed to NY, USA but I decided to make it global so it doesn't look as if I am fighting a particular country. But I delivered the message in the book just as I was given and inspired by the Holy Spirit to write. Unfortunately (Not my will), the book will be for sale, I tried to find Christian organizations or companies that can publish it free of charge so we can send the message across to the people but they all were business Christian organizations and companies. I sometimes think of how we do our charity deeds as advised by the Lord. When I got to Malaysia, I did not know where to start from, neither was the place easy for me to live in because you can hardly find jobs for foreigners here. I went through their Christian organizations and the profile of companies that claimed they help with the growth of the Christian community, but after contacting up to 200 companies, i did not receive a single response from any of them. It's obvious that apart from blogs and chat rooms, anyone that lack funds cannot promote any Christian work. I really was disappointed. Now, I'm still praying and struggling to survive here. This is the only reason why the book is for sale, I did not intend to sell it, I was compelled to. If i had found this forum on time, David would have contributed to it and maybe there would have been a way to promote the work.

Regarding online dating, all those that are involved in it should be very careful because as for me, it is not the best way to find a spouse. 99% of the websites are full of scammers-- they make you fall in love with them and rein you until there is nothing left in you. Many of them cause divorce in the world today-- they advise married people to divorce their spouses because she (usually a woman) is in love with them. Online dating has many advantages, but i tell you that the disadvantages are more. So beware!!!
Blessings....

Louis.

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