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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

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Latest Activity: Jun 5

For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

Discussion Forum

What Is Courtship?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by David Velasquez Jun 22, 2013. 8 Replies

What Is Courtship?Courtship is experiencing the blessing of God by loving the Lord Jesus Christ and honoring both sets of parents. The purpose of courtship is to determine a couple’s readiness for…Continue

God Works in Mysterious Ways..LoL!

Started by Ricprimus. Last reply by Ricprimus May 16, 2013. 3 Replies

   As many of you know back at the end of January I met a fellow artist at the local University’s coffee shop who was working on her Master’s degree in photography and painting.  Annea had been…Continue

Can we just allow God to work and let's stop all efforts of finding and keeping a life partner?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by MYu Apr 23, 2013. 18 Replies

Starting, assessing, evaluating, analyzing, nurturing ... "doing our homework on" a relationship is soooo exhausting! I just want this God-given man to land on my lap without lifting a finger!…Continue

What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Adebiyi kehinde temitope Jan 9, 2013. 55 Replies

Is online dating really safe and acceptable for Christians?Many people are apprehensive at first about online dating. This is a normal reaction because it is fear of the unknown.However, online…Continue

Why Your Spouse May Irritate You ?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Jessi Perez Oct 10, 2012. 1 Reply

 Keeping a life partner can only be successfully done through Christ.  Continue

Christ Centered Relationships Pt 1

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Jasper Andrew Apr 27, 2012. 5 Replies

What does it mean to have a Christ Centered Relationship?   Continue

Is flirting harmless?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by MYu Aug 18, 2011. 13 Replies

Is flirting harmless? hahahaContinue

finding and keeping a life partner

Started by tameika cassandra wray mcdermott. Last reply by Soldier Jun 22, 2011. 4 Replies

the 23 of june coming will be my fourth anniversary .i got married when i was not a christian,yes i loved him it was not just about loving him, we have been together for five years before we decided…Continue

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by melanie ann mendoza Mar 21, 2011. 13 Replies

RelationshipsThe choice of a career path and of a lifetime partner are probably the two most important decisions (apart from salvation) that we ever make. Does the Bible offer us some guidance in the…Continue

Pure or Dirty.......What's the difference?

Started by Chilombo. Last reply by Chilombo Feb 17, 2011. 2 Replies

In his book "I kissed dating goodbye", Joshua Harris says that it is better for us to stay even without kissing. He argues that a kiss is part of the sexual process and so must not be part of our…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by huzooma on July 23, 2013 at 10:22am

i LOVE GOD SHOW MY BOYFRIEND THE WAY EARN AND SHOW HIM ME TO GET MARRIED SOON

Comment by David Velasquez on June 22, 2013 at 11:26am

Comment by Soldier on August 26, 2012 at 10:32pm

Keep on posting Macky! Beautiful flowers :-)

Gregory, I havent been here in a while. A lot things going on in "my world". As I read your post, I so wanted to respond but simply couldnt come up with the right opening sentence. Maybe an inspiration will come at a later date. Meanwhile, maybe Matthew chapter 6 will be of some peace to you.  God Bless

Comment by MYu on August 22, 2012 at 10:38pm

Comment by MYu on August 22, 2012 at 10:36pm

Posting it again... even in choosing a life partner, seek His plan and His choice.  It will be perfect... bask in HIS  GRACE.

Comment by MYu on August 22, 2012 at 10:35pm

Comment by MYu on August 19, 2012 at 8:44pm

Comment by MYu on August 19, 2012 at 8:26pm

How easy having a relationship with a man so deeply rooted in Christ and His teachings. Yes, I was told ... if he's a true Christian, then you have nothing to worry about, ... everything is taken care of by his true Christian values. I am glad I decided to go into a relationship based on that. My guy being Christ- centered and God- fearing... GOD moves! Thank you for the wonderful blessing that popped up on my window over a year ago on this site! (",)

Comment by daniel bryan curry on July 26, 2012 at 9:30am

well i was married for 5 yrs,that ended may of 2011,if that wasnt bad enough my grandmother died at the same time. a year has passed and im still single,been trying to find jobs but havent been hired, the military wouldnt take me in because of my neck tattoos,schools some took me in,but was too fast pased,but im planning on returning to community college.yes i want to be in another relationship,but most women want a man employed,financially stable,living on his own,sadly i lack these things not because i want it that way. it seems that men are more tolerant of womens struggling,than women are of men. my moms on oxygen,has health issues,when she dies i feel im doomed,because i dont get along with her side,dont know my dads side,its over with my x,its hard to find the right woman,people let you down more than help you. im tired of being broke the end of everymonth,struggling to find meals.ive talked to christ and god for financial blessings, because im afraid people would let me down

Comment by Soldier on July 22, 2012 at 10:09pm

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