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All Blog Posts Tagged 'healing' (205)

The truth of what I think ...

When you are down, you have negative thoughts, and when your thoughts are negative, you feel even lower.

Depression changes thinking, and thinking keeps changing during depression.

It's a circle of futility. 

The thinking can consist of just images or words or memories, and, to me, it seems reasonable, not distorted. 

Ugly. Stupid. Trash.

The words reflect truth --the truth of what I think about me, what I believe so strongly.

So… Continue

Added by Amanda on October 31, 2014 at 12:00pm — No Comments

Looking for the good things among the bad ...

One day, close to the end of September, my husband took me to a nearby lake and we spent the day together.

It was sunny and warm, with a brisk wind blowing, and the clouds were puffy, like enormous pieces of cotton, and being in nature somehow always makes me feel closer to God, and, also,…


Added by Amanda on October 19, 2014 at 5:00pm — 2 Comments

Taking life so seriously ...

On Thursday, it will be six weeks since a disc ruptured in the lower back of my eight year old dachshund, Corbin. Since then, I've learned that ruptured discs are very frequent in doxies and that the degeneration of the discs begins to occur during their first year of life, culminating in impingement upon the spinal cord, generally somewhere around the ages of 3 to 6. 

Corbin is almost 9, and I feel that he has been blessed, at least for it not to have happened to him any… Continue

Added by Amanda on October 13, 2014 at 12:00pm — 6 Comments

A way of seeking a cure ...

A steady rain is falling, here, today, and, at times, the wind is getting on the strong side. The past several days have been the same way -- rainy, chilly, and dismal, with one round after another of showers and storms.

However, on Thursday morning, at 7:42 a.m., the sunrise was like a painting…


Added by Amanda on October 7, 2014 at 12:30pm — 10 Comments

I'm gonna get out of bed every morning ...

Autumn begins.

Today, four years ago, I wanted to end it all. There are times when I think about that day and wonder why I'm still here. It's difficult to explain the kind of anguish that leads to thoughts of suicide. Plus, there's shame and stigma attached to it, making it difficult to talk about, regardless.

But sometimes I get asked what I'm going to do today, and the best answer still that I can think of is the one that Tom Hanks' character gave during the…


Added by Amanda on September 22, 2014 at 2:00pm — No Comments

So many past mistakes

"You can go through in January," said the Regional Coordinator for the Rape Crisis Center. "I will email you the schedule when it gets…


Added by Amanda on September 14, 2014 at 4:30pm — 6 Comments

Give Your Strength

I did what I had to do to survive and get through it. 

That's how I feel about what happened a few years ago. 

That's how I feel about my childhood and about my whole life in general. 

Part of what I did to survive as a child was turning to God. 

Another part was suppressing or trying to forget painful encounters and events after experiencing them, and another part included using detachment and withdrawing and distancing myself from… Continue

Added by Amanda on September 8, 2014 at 7:17pm — 7 Comments

Wanting an identity again

It's not too late. Over the weekend, I deleted a few of my recent blog posts, ones in which I was journaling about seeking to volunteer in a program at a Rape Crisis Center to help victims of sexual assault and their families. 

I intended to call today to withdraw from the screening and selecting process of becoming a volunteer in the program, but, I opened my email account early this morning and saw a message from the staff member who had interviewed and admitted me into the… Continue

Added by Amanda on September 2, 2014 at 3:00pm — 20 Comments

This painful pattern that binds me ...

I want to begin this post with a warning. If you have been a victim of abuse or assault, reading the thoughts and feelings that I'm going to share in the next few paragraphs could trigger some of your own painful memories and feelings. 

God has been working within me, giving me insight, and beginning to break some of my negative patterns.

I struggle with shame, guilt, and blame each time I remember some past experiences. It's a terrible cycle of pain, and I have felt like… Continue

Added by Amanda on August 1, 2014 at 5:30pm — No Comments

Some frightening steps ...

My husband and son have been away, on a "father/son bonding" road trip. It includes golfing and off-roading. Our son just recently turned 18. It's sort of a mutual birthday commemoration, I guess. Their birthdays are less than a month apart.

I went for a drive, yesterday. The sky and the countryside were both unusually scenic, displaying green hills with enormous cumulus clouds above, and I felt like God was purposely showing it to me.…


Added by Amanda on July 18, 2014 at 8:45am — 2 Comments

If there is any encouragement in Christ ...

Today, my devotions included an article about having interdependent relationships. The members of the Body of Christ are interdependent versus independent and dependent. There are many "one another" passages in Scripture and to be equipped to do something for another requires independence (internal control and internal responsibility) and to be enabled to accept something from another requires dependence (having needs that must be met by others). This is interdependence,… Continue

Added by Amanda on July 15, 2014 at 4:30pm — No Comments

What do You have in mind, Lord?

I heard the words in my heart, “Keep rowing. I’m with you in the storm.”

I was reading Mark 6:30-56 (NIV). The disciples had spent the day sitting at the feet of Jesus but it says “their hearts were hardened” (v.52) and although they had watched Jesus feed 5000 with five loaves and two fish, they had not understood.

Jesus made them get into a boat and go on ahead of Him while He dismissed the crowd (v. 45). Then “He went up on a mountainside to pray”…


Added by Amanda on July 6, 2014 at 12:35pm — No Comments

Is God showing me His protection?


Added by Amanda on June 29, 2014 at 6:00pm — 4 Comments

Is God pleased with me?

On the property just across the road from my home, the owner keeps goats. He doesn't live on the property but stops by every morning and evening to care for them.

I have to laugh at the goats. They are comical. Several times I've heard distressful bleating and have gone to the rescue because one of them…


Added by Amanda on June 27, 2014 at 11:30am — 13 Comments

Whatever happens to me, my Creator loves me dearly ...

Recently, someone asked in the forum: "Do you ever reflect or evaluate how you're doing in your walk with God?"

I replied: Constantly. I long for my walk to be strengthened and to draw closer to God. I think it's important to devote time in reading and studying Scripture and in prayer. The most difficult part is implementing what I learn. I want to do good works out of transformation and not simply out of choice based on duty and guilt. Transformation involves a heart that is made… Continue

Added by Amanda on June 23, 2014 at 10:00am — No Comments

Why should I care?

My life was never self-centered.

From childhood into adulthood, my focus was to please others and to deny my own needs and wants, and my relationship with God was the same way.

I think I've earned the right, now, to be self centered and selfish, and I really don't care what others think of me for saying it.

Why should I care?

When others spend time finding fault with me for my problems and shortcomings, why should it bother me?

It really… Continue

Added by Amanda on June 22, 2014 at 2:50pm — No Comments

Part of the way I have viewed God ...


Added by Amanda on June 18, 2014 at 2:00pm — No Comments

I just can't do that ...

I used to think that it was impossible to forgive someone who has hurt me when the person doesn't ask for it. 

Everything I've read about forgiveness in Scriptures points towards asking for it, including while being wronged seventy-seven times or seventy times seven.  

How odd it has always seemed to me that forgiveness could ever truly be forgiveness when someone hurts you but refuses to apologize, and the relationship isn't repaired and nothing ever changes for the… Continue

Added by Amanda on June 16, 2014 at 11:00am — 33 Comments

Before another forward leap ...


Added by Amanda on June 10, 2014 at 2:30pm — No Comments

Making amends, restoring trust ...

I believe it isn't wrong to ask someone for an apology, but it makes you feel very vulnerable and opens you up to receiving even more hurt from the person.

When I feel hurt, I'm tempted to retaliate and, many times, I will, and I haven't always been this way but I've lost trust in almost all people, and, although my spirit is new and alive, God is still working in my soul, renewing my mind, changing me, and, now, I've reached the place where I want to know when my words and actions… Continue

Added by Amanda on June 8, 2014 at 12:00pm — No Comments

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