It's not too late. Over the weekend, I deleted a few of my recent blog posts, ones in which I was journaling about seeking to volunteer in a program at a Rape Crisis Center to help victims of sexual assault and their families.
I intended to call today to withdraw from the screening and selecting process of becoming a volunteer in the program, but, I opened my email account early this morning and saw a message from the staff member who had interviewed and admitted me into the… Continue
Added by Amanda on September 2, 2014 at 3:00pm —
I want to begin this post with a warning. If you have been a victim of abuse or assault, reading the thoughts and feelings that I'm going to share in the next few paragraphs could trigger some of your own painful memories and feelings.
God has been working within me, giving me insight, and beginning to break some of my negative patterns.
I struggle with shame, guilt, and blame each time I remember some past experiences. It's a terrible cycle of pain, and I have felt like… Continue
Added by Amanda on August 1, 2014 at 5:30pm —
My husband and son have been away, on a "father/son bonding" road trip. It includes golfing and off-roading. Our son just recently turned 18. It's sort of a mutual birthday commemoration, I guess. Their birthdays are less than a month apart.
I went for a drive, yesterday. The sky and the countryside were both unusually scenic, displaying green hills with enormous cumulus clouds above, and I felt like God was purposely showing it to me.…
Added by Amanda on July 18, 2014 at 8:45am —
Today, my devotions included an article about having interdependent relationships. The members of the Body of Christ are interdependent versus independent and dependent. There are many "one another" passages in Scripture and to be equipped to do something for another requires independence (internal control and internal responsibility) and to be enabled to accept something from another requires dependence (having needs that must be met by others). This is interdependence,… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 15, 2014 at 4:30pm —
I heard the words in my heart, “Keep rowing. I’m with you in the storm.”
I was reading Mark 6:30-56 (NIV). The disciples had spent the day sitting at the feet of Jesus but it says “their hearts were hardened” (v.52) and although they had watched Jesus feed 5000 with five loaves and two fish, they had not understood.
Jesus made them get into a boat and go on ahead of Him while He dismissed the crowd (v. 45). Then “He went up on a mountainside to pray”… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 6, 2014 at 12:35pm —
Added by Amanda on June 29, 2014 at 6:00pm —
On the property just across the road from my home, the owner keeps goats. He doesn't live on the property but stops by every morning and evening to care for them.
I have to laugh at the goats. They are comical. Several times I've heard distressful bleating and have gone to the rescue because one of them… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 27, 2014 at 11:30am —
Recently, someone asked in the forum: "Do you ever reflect or evaluate how you're doing in your walk with God?"
I replied: Constantly. I long for my walk to be strengthened and to draw closer to God. I think it's important to devote time in reading and studying Scripture and in prayer. The most difficult part is implementing what I learn. I want to do good works out of transformation and not simply out of choice based on duty and guilt. Transformation involves a heart that is made… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 23, 2014 at 10:00am —
My life was never self-centered.
From childhood into adulthood, my focus was to please others and to deny my own needs and wants, and my relationship with God was the same way.
I think I've earned the right, now, to be self centered and selfish, and I really don't care what others think of me for saying it.
Why should I care?
When others spend time finding fault with me for my problems and shortcomings, why should it bother me?
It really… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 22, 2014 at 2:50pm —
Added by Amanda on June 18, 2014 at 2:00pm —
I used to think that it was impossible to forgive someone who has hurt me when the person doesn't ask for it.
Everything I've read about forgiveness in Scriptures points towards asking for it, including while being wronged seventy-seven times or seventy times seven.
How odd it has always seemed to me that forgiveness could ever truly be forgiveness when someone hurts you but refuses to apologize, and the relationship isn't repaired and nothing ever changes for the… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 16, 2014 at 11:00am —
Added by Amanda on June 10, 2014 at 2:30pm —
I believe it isn't wrong to ask someone for an apology, but it makes you feel very vulnerable and opens you up to receiving even more hurt from the person.
When I feel hurt, I'm tempted to retaliate and, many times, I will, and I haven't always been this way but I've lost trust in almost all people, and, although my spirit is new and alive, God is still working in my soul, renewing my mind, changing me, and, now, I've reached the place where I want to know when my words and actions… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 8, 2014 at 12:00pm —
Why does God allow life to be so difficult that it makes it hard to trust and believe the way the Bible calls us to trust and believe?
Some have stated that He does it to teach us to rely on Him and not on ourselves.
I feel, in my own heart, or, so it seems to me, that I am… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 5, 2014 at 8:00pm —
The locusts and their noisy sounds fill the canopy of trees, surrounding my small house. I think it's not even the year for locusts but they have been here since April. They are the periodical cicadas that appear every 13 or 17 years, and, for some reason, some have emerged in this area for this year.
It makes… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 1, 2014 at 9:00pm —
If I seem emotionally immature, it's because I am. Psychologists teach that emotional development can be stopped when trauma is experienced in life, and through my own personal involvement with undergoing counseling, I learned I stopped growing emotionally when I was around eight.
Tian Dayton, PH.D, said it best when she said this, regarding herself:
"Part of my disease caused me to remain immature. My unmet needs from childhood sat inside of me like hungry monsters… Continue
Added by Amanda on May 27, 2014 at 7:00pm —
I grew up with the feeling that I was unable to connect with my dad, emotionally or mentally, due to his depression and psychiatric problems, and he had so many needs, I couldn't rely on him to be there to help me with any of my own needs, physically, emotionally, developmentally, or in any way. He was unavailable to me.
I couldn't rely on him.
I'm fighting to let those words sink in because just thinking them somehow seems very disloyal of me, very… Continue
Added by Amanda on May 15, 2014 at 4:00pm —
It was stormy over the weekend, hot and humid, raining and thundering, and it seemed more like summer time than spring, but I won't complain because the grass in the fields is green now and all the trees are full again with leaves and the squirrels and rabbits and honeybees and frogs and birds and many other critters have taken up residence once more in my back yard, flitting, darting, hopping, and scampering all about. It's a joy, watching them.
I find in my life right now that I'm… Continue
Added by Amanda on May 12, 2014 at 9:00pm —
Solitude very easily could become a way of life for me, and, at times, I'd think it already is, except I still feel lonely whenever I'm alone. Nonetheless, I'm an isolated person by my own choice, very reluctant to go out, but Wednesdays are the days I have set aside to get out of the house on my own, to run errands, keep appointments, go to the grocery, and, of course, any outing automatically means that sometimes there will be, at least to some extent, some type of interaction with other… Continue
Added by Amanda on May 8, 2014 at 6:00am —
A Jewish proverb says that the person who does not make a choice makes a choice.
My social isolation is self-imposed. Unpleasant experiences when I leave home reinforce the apprehensiveness I feel when I'm around others. I'm sure everyone is familiar with the "kick me" sign that gets taped unbeknownst to the back of someone's t-shirt. Well, at times I wonder if I must be wearing one that says "ridicule me" or "make me feel worthless."
I spend quite a lot of time alone. I'd… Continue
Added by Amanda on May 3, 2014 at 7:30pm —