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All Blog Posts Tagged 'healing' (232)

I want to believe that I matter to God.

Throughout the pages of this blog, I have shared my true journey in life, which began as a helpless child who was raised in abject poverty and who was violated, neglected, and abused—physically, emotionally, and sexually— and who has continued as an adult to gradually move forward while suffering from many problems that are common to those who have been abused as children but that are nonetheless painful and severe.



In fact, the problems can be so severe for some people that they can… Continue

Added by Amanda on June 21, 2015 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Have you ever wanted to blame something or someone for what isn’t right in your life?

Since moving, I feel weird in a way that's difficult to describe and everything seems foreign to me. I've heard that moves can be jarring, and I've moved a total of eight times in my lifetime, counting leaving my childhood home, which was the one other time that I moved to another state, like this time, but none of the times do I remember ever feeling this way -- a weird way that I can't quite define.



I've hurt my left shoulder and arm while moving. It feels like pulled muscles and… Continue

Added by Amanda on June 15, 2015 at 7:00pm — 2 Comments

How do you handle it when it feels like God is punishing you?

Once, I did a bible study by Jeffrey S. Forrey called, "There Still Are Reasons For Hope." He is a biblical counselor, and it was about the causes of hopelessness, and he said that one reason it happens to us is that we become more concerned about present happiness/comfort than about living for the glory of God.



I'm sure it's very true, but I find that it's hard to live for God's glory alone, as your purpose for existing, when people are picking on you, belittling and ridiculing you… Continue

Added by Amanda on May 29, 2015 at 11:00am — 12 Comments

I feel as if I'm being torn in two

She said, "No," and shook her head adamantly. "That's not what you need, and I'm not going to do it." 



I asked her again, and she said, "You have a beautiful face!" She was trying to make me feel better. She continued, "I've had to shave the heads of women before who've come in here, suffering from the effects of chemo, illness, or for some other reason, but it's not your turn. You don't need that."



Sometimes I don't know what I need, but I think my hair looks just as bad… Continue

Added by Amanda on May 26, 2015 at 5:30pm — No Comments

Do you like yourself?

I make a grocery list.



Well, I have a magnetic notepad and pen on the refrigerator door and I write down things as they run out or get used up. It might sound funny but lists make me anxious. Lol.



A list of things that I need to do makes me feel restless until I get everything on it done.



I used to make lists of goals. I have several old folders that are filled with my writings and notes over the years.



One list that I wrote back in 2005… Continue

Added by Amanda on May 23, 2015 at 8:27am — 2 Comments

Am I Worth Saving?

Yesterday, in my morning devotions I read about God knowing our afflictions, based on the Lord saying to the Christians in Smyrna, “I know your afflictions and your poverty—yet you are rich!” (Revelation 2:9) and, then, this morning, I read about God knowing our love and faith, based on where He told the Christians at Thyatira, “I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first”(Revelation 2:19).

Am I…

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Added by Amanda on May 22, 2015 at 1:00pm — 2 Comments

This doesn't mean that all of the stuff that was making me unhappy isn't still there.

I'm not med free, anymore, and it bothers me because I know that research shows that talk therapy (counseling) is more effective in re-wiring the brain, or at least in re-working it, so that mental wounds are actually dealt with in a way that they might heal even while they are causing the depression that is leading to the chemical imbalance, and, unlike drugs, it works without the threat of dangerous side effects, but I needed more serotonin (the neurotransmitter that transmits good feelings)… Continue

Added by Amanda on May 18, 2015 at 6:36pm — 3 Comments

How could it ever be possible for me to ... become able to meet situations that I can't even anticipate facing?

Was it just coincidence? 



A few days ago, both of the devotionals from which I've currently been reading and which are written by two different authors, for that specific day, were about Romans 8:28. Then I read from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening Devotional, and he stated in the evening one that "The sighs, the ignorance, the feebleness of the little ones of His flock draw forth His compassion," but I've never imagined that to be true. I've always viewed God as being angered by my… Continue

Added by Amanda on May 16, 2015 at 9:30am — 12 Comments

I'll never have a faith that will be stronger than all my fears.

It's hard for me to separate what are my own plans and solutions from just surrendering to God's will. I think, at times, that maybe God always wants me to come up with solutions for myself, all by myself.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe God really always wants to just work things out for us by…

Continue

Added by Amanda on May 12, 2015 at 6:30pm — 10 Comments

Beauty out of ashes

Isaiah 61

New American Standard Bible

Exaltation of the Afflicted



1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,

Because the LORD has anointed me

To bring good news to the afflicted;

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

To proclaim liberty to captives

And freedom to prisoners;

2To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD

And the day of vengeance of our God;

To comfort all who mourn,



3To grant those who mourn in… Continue

Added by Amanda on April 29, 2015 at 5:58am — 2 Comments

Meeting with many trials ...

Last Thursday afternoon, it was sunny and clear and the temperature was much warmer than in previous days, rising towards the 60s from having been below freezing only a few nights earlier, and I decided to go into town to take care of some errands.

Since Thanksgiving, I’ve written six letters to one of my older brothers, who has chronic progressive liver disease…

Continue

Added by Amanda on March 15, 2015 at 11:30am — 1 Comment

You've no reason to praise Him?

Last night, during TheNET praise and prayer meeting, when asked to share a praise, I found myself looking around helplessly, trying to think of something to say. I felt nervous, but, this morning, upon reflection, I realized there was more to it than just anxiety, as I was remembering having said, "A praise? So much is wrong. I don't know."

Yet, when they were gathering up prayer requests, I was able to share, fairly easily, three personal appeals for divine help.

 

Today, it…

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Added by Amanda on March 10, 2015 at 11:30am — 2 Comments

Outside Looking In

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Added by Amanda on February 24, 2015 at 11:00pm — No Comments

"Why do you never pray this for you?"

There are times when I just want to shut out the world and I spend a lot of time alone, just wanting quietness. I've read that there's nothing wrong with it, as long as you don't make it a regular thing. It can even help you find a balance -- whatever that means. (I'm taking a guess, but, I think it probably means, in my case, as opposed to being unbalanced). 



I have made it a daily thing. I seldom want to be around people. 



Last night, temps dropped here to -22 with wind… Continue

Added by Amanda on February 19, 2015 at 2:30pm — No Comments

But it's not even what I wanted to write about.

These days, a lot is being said about selfies and their possible links to narcissism, mental illness, even psychopathy, but actually, no matter what taking them and posting them might be really saying about us, good, bad, or ugly, selfies are nothing new in human behavior and the social environment. 



Selfies have a long history.



A brief google search reveals that many artists have painted self portraits, not only modern artists, but ones who lived as long ago as the…

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Added by Amanda on February 17, 2015 at 3:30pm — No Comments

Both can be right

Most of the time I want to be just by myself. I've tried talking to others only to discover that no one really understands what I went through and some even forget what I share, which, when that happens, whether it's true or not that they were listening, I don't know, but it feels like they weren't listening, let alone understanding, and it feels like passive rejection, but maybe they just have too much of their own stuff going on for mine to really register with them or to really mean anything… Continue

Added by Amanda on January 28, 2015 at 4:30pm — No Comments

Loss can become the center of one's life

Will it ever stop hurting? 



Maybe you are wondering.



I wonder.



Most people who have experienced a loss, no matter what it has been, has felt a pain so severe that it seemed unendurable. The suffering, sadness, and crying can appear to be bottomless and eternal.



The loss can become the center of one's life without one even realizing it. 



It seems like a loss never occurs singularly, but many losses come in a big bundle, all wrapped up… Continue

Added by Amanda on January 15, 2015 at 4:30pm — No Comments

Holding all of the pain tightly inside ...

I've always had a way of losing myself in my thoughts and my emotions. 



Emotions can be so strong, over-powering, difficult to manage. It's easy to lose oneself in them.



Shutting off your feelings is an emotional defense against pain and loss, and I've used it in the face of so many struggles and so many losses, so as not to lose myself.



I learned, at a very young age, how to put a lid on grief and loss and all the other negative emotions. It seemed like the… Continue

Added by Amanda on December 31, 2014 at 11:00am — No Comments

How could I enjoy myself when others are suffering?

Have you ever wondered how it's possible to be at peace and still enjoy things when there is so much suffering going on around you?



I remember always feeling this way, even to the point of wondering, when Dad was terminally ill, how could I possibly enjoy so much as just having a hot cup of coffee with a warm danish while someone so close to me was suffering?



I've always felt bad because others were feeling bad.



I suppose it's sympathy, but it means I suffer…

Continue

Added by Amanda on December 18, 2014 at 8:00pm — 5 Comments

No way of knowing ...

One of my brothers is terminally ill. I have seven brothers, five older, two younger. He is second to my oldest brother. 



He has chronic progressive liver disease and is not a candidate for liver transplantation. 



His health has been gradually declining for several years, but such is the case for those diseases that cause organ failure.



I saw him on Thanksgiving Day, while visiting my mother.



He was using a cane, but was unable to stand for any length… Continue

Added by Amanda on December 4, 2014 at 5:00pm — No Comments

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