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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

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Latest Activity: Jun 5, 2019

For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

Discussion Forum

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What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Adebiyi kehinde temitope Jan 9, 2013. 55 Replies

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finding and keeping a life partner

Started by tameika cassandra wray mcdermott. Last reply by Soldier Jun 22, 2011. 4 Replies

the 23 of june coming will be my fourth anniversary .i got married when i was not a christian,yes i loved him it was not just about loving him, we have been together for five years before we decided…Continue

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by melanie ann mendoza Mar 21, 2011. 13 Replies

RelationshipsThe choice of a career path and of a lifetime partner are probably the two most important decisions (apart from salvation) that we ever make. Does the Bible offer us some guidance in the…Continue

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Started by Chilombo. Last reply by Chilombo Feb 17, 2011. 2 Replies

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Comment Wall

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Comment by Soldier on May 17, 2012 at 10:58pm

Macky, you have no idea how much your post are purposefully placed at the exact right time!

Comment by MYu on May 17, 2012 at 7:10pm

Comment by MYu on May 17, 2012 at 7:10pm

Comment by MYu on May 17, 2012 at 7:09pm

Comment by MYu on May 17, 2012 at 7:08pm

Comment by RAJESWAR YARLAGADDA on April 21, 2012 at 11:15am

'NEVER STOP HELPING OTHERS BECAUSE IT MAKES YOUR LIFE MORE MEANINGFUL'' .,

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ! .....Bro.RAJESWAR(INDIA)

Comment by MYu on April 17, 2012 at 4:35pm
Thank you for your good wishes Hamm. For me, given my personality and cognitive training in Science, it has not been easy finding out what God wanted and how God wanted my future to be. I always end up giving weight on my own decisions and personal preferences which were all stained with worldly, human and at times undesirable biases which led me to trouble and pain eventually. It had to be a real conscious and purposeful effort for me at first to empty myself so that what God intends to fill me up with could enter my being. Just like my dear Soldier said, then when you are in that mode, quiet or still and empty.... You will be more inclined to focus on God and as you seek His truth and His will in prayer then He just fills you up. Things will then start falling into place.

Again, I'm with Soldier in wishing you well and God bless. (",)
Comment by Hamm on April 17, 2012 at 12:52pm

Thanks Soldier for your reply and comments.

Thanks for your advice I will take it on board.

God bless and I wish you and Macky all the very best and the Lord will continue to shine on you both.

Comment by Soldier on April 17, 2012 at 9:47am

Hamm, sit right back and let me tell you a tale. Kidding...I actually am short on time but wanted to respond so that you wouldnt think your question went unseen.

My journey taught me how much I was trying to "see" through my own eyes. How 'I" was trying to plan, steer, manipulate...whatever word you would like to use. When Id hear someway say..."let God take control", my question would naturally be....how?

Well, Hamm, let God take control! How, well, as I learned, seek HIM first! When we (I) try to do things the way we (I) expect God would want, it only chokes out His PERFECT plan for each of us individually. No one wants to go through this life alone. God knows that. HOWEVER, this life on earth is temporary. When we are called home to His Glory, aunts, uncles, cousins, daughters, wifes, girlfriends..those titles are gone! We will all be BROTHERS and SISTERS in Christ.

Saying that to say this. Spend your time seeking Gods path for yourself. Let Him present that special woman to you. YOu will know.

I was NOT a computer chatter AT ALL. In October 2010, as I was leaving from work one day, I logged in to check a post in another group. WIth a few minutes left, I saw the chat button, looked at my watch and said, why not?

We have revealed it before so I think I can do it again here. Since that day in 2010, "Macky" and I have communicating in one way or the other. HI Macky! (A bit of a detour HehEee)

As she and I have evolved, seen how events played out in our personal lives and how we met here (must see...neither of us were here looking), we both fully accept that a "Her and I" is purely of His authoring.

Jeremiah 29:11  AND James 4:8  (James....remember...we are all sinners. We wont be perfected until we see God face to face in His Glory)

God Bless you.

 

Comment by Hamm on April 16, 2012 at 2:47pm

Hi Hope you are all well?

Can I ask what might seem a naive and childish question?

How do you know that you have chosen a partner that the Lord is pleased that you have, and or should you wait until the Lord provides you with a relationship & partner, or do you go out and find one. Then I would have to repeat the first sentence.

Can you advise please. God bless.

 

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