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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

Members: 223
Latest Activity: Jun 5, 2019

For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

Discussion Forum

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Can we just allow God to work and let's stop all efforts of finding and keeping a life partner?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by MYu Apr 23, 2013. 18 Replies

Starting, assessing, evaluating, analyzing, nurturing ... "doing our homework on" a relationship is soooo exhausting! I just want this God-given man to land on my lap without lifting a finger!…Continue

What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Adebiyi kehinde temitope Jan 9, 2013. 55 Replies

Is online dating really safe and acceptable for Christians?Many people are apprehensive at first about online dating. This is a normal reaction because it is fear of the unknown.However, online…Continue

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What does it mean to have a Christ Centered Relationship?   Continue

Is flirting harmless?

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Is flirting harmless? hahahaContinue

finding and keeping a life partner

Started by tameika cassandra wray mcdermott. Last reply by Soldier Jun 22, 2011. 4 Replies

the 23 of june coming will be my fourth anniversary .i got married when i was not a christian,yes i loved him it was not just about loving him, we have been together for five years before we decided…Continue

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by melanie ann mendoza Mar 21, 2011. 13 Replies

RelationshipsThe choice of a career path and of a lifetime partner are probably the two most important decisions (apart from salvation) that we ever make. Does the Bible offer us some guidance in the…Continue

Pure or Dirty.......What's the difference?

Started by Chilombo. Last reply by Chilombo Feb 17, 2011. 2 Replies

In his book "I kissed dating goodbye", Joshua Harris says that it is better for us to stay even without kissing. He argues that a kiss is part of the sexual process and so must not be part of our…Continue

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Comment by MYu on March 30, 2012 at 5:41pm

Comment by MYu on March 8, 2012 at 5:24pm
[PROVERBS 31: 10 - 31]

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
     and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
     bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
     she provides food for her family
     and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
     out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
     her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
     and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
     and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
     and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
     for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
     she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
     where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
     and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
     she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
     and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
     and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
     her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
     but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
     but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
     and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.


I'M  ASKING ...   IS  THERE  A  COUNTERPART  VERSE  THAT  ILLUSTRATES  AN  IDEAL  HUSBAND?   TO  THE  MALES... THIS  ONE  MIGHT  BE  TOO  STRICT  OF A GUIDE  FOR  FINDING AND  KEEPING  A LIFE PARTNER.  SHOULD  I  BE  A  WIFE,  I'LL BE TEMPTED TO PUT  A DISCLAIMER/ WAIVER ON SOME OF THE ITEMS.  HA HA!  (",)      "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. "    ---  MAYBE THIS LINE SHOULD JUST SUM IT ALL UP.   GOD BLESS!

Comment by MYu on March 8, 2012 at 1:22pm

Divorce Anthem... there's no Divorce in my country so married couples breaking up go for annulment and if they can't afford it and do not have the capability.... they just stick it out until death.  I wonder if one truly gets over a separation like what happens in a Divorce  or Annulment.  The video came off to me as one's desperation for a broken relationship/ marriage to be united again. Seeking God's help to put back in your life the "apple of your eye", the "image of your soul" back in your life. Now I ask, should one just really concentrate on having things mended and devote the rest of your life's energy to restore a broken relationship or does God give you  other options?  Thanks for sharing the video Samuel. (",) 

Comment by Soldier on March 8, 2012 at 1:03pm

Samuel...that is an awesome video!

Comment by Jayaseelan Samuel on March 8, 2012 at 10:03am
Comment by David Velasquez on February 23, 2012 at 12:19am

Akua-

 

Feel free to use anything in this group and welcome sis.

 

Soldier -

 

Thank you for finding the time to continue to bless us. Blessings to you my brother.

Comment by Soldier on February 22, 2012 at 1:15pm

Hello Friends, my work envirnment changed a few months back and havent been able to visit here as much as I used to. Ok fine, Ill admit, there is a girl that occupies my time and mind as well. I reckon yall saw right through that one. :-)

I have limited connectivity in my home. Ive traveled to a local wifi location to post this. My phone alerted me to some new members that have recently joined this group.

Im not the manager/owner/ or any official title for this or any other sited in All About God. However, I know how refreshing and energizing it was for God to guide me to this web site (there was another group that He sent me to first). I learned quickly His healing touch can come from the typed words of brothers and sisters around this beautiful world He created.

Dont hesitate to share your thoughts here. If no one comments, well, the next new memebers may be missing the words God has placed in your heart that is actually meant for them to see. God Bless you all! Soldier

 

Comment by akua akuamoah-boateng on January 20, 2012 at 3:03am

I love this article. With your permission, can i please use excepts to help my young friends at church? I am a relationship and youth counselor. thank you

 

Comment by MYu on January 1, 2012 at 10:54am

Good to hear from you David... we cherish the love and friendship we feel from you and the rest of the members of the community here. It's been a true blessing finding this site. I wish everyone all the good things that can only come from God. Happy new year to all!

Comment by Ella on December 28, 2011 at 12:41am

 

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