"Peace that surpasses all human understanding..."
I felt it when I was a lost 15 year old kid being tormented nightly by the demon that would follow me to this day when 2 angels came to my side to comfort me and bring me out of suicidal depression in an instant. I have also felt it during this trial of my life that's been going on for the last 6 months.
I'd end up writing a book here if I tried to lay out the basics of my life experience. The desire to kill.....was my passion. The seething hatred for those who did wrong was eating me from the inside out and I could take no more. I made plans to act and then God spoke to my heart and said,
"Is this what you want your life to represent? Is this what you want your kids to remember? Look at what you've become. Get help so that I can begin to do my work in your life."
So I went and got help. It wasn't a big help but shrinks can only offer so much to a person who's in desperate need of a spiritual lobotomy. It helped to talk to someone though who would help me see through others' eyes and ultimately, through my kids' eyes and I didn't like what they were going to see. I opted for medication to settle my mind for awhile and allow me time to start thinking differently. Within a couple of months, I no longer needed meds to remain calm. The Spirit was already beginning to work on me. However, I had a very long way to go.
So here I am now, an ex-soldier for man turned soldier for God and I have a new life story to tell. The last 6 months has been like an entire lifetime. So much has happened and so much has changed. If you'd known me just a few months ago, you'd think I was my twin with a different personality. People who knew me then can't believe who I am today. And people aren't afraid of me anymore. They see a light in my eyes and they don't know where it comes from. I'm at rock bottom but what they don't understand is that this is the perfect place to build my new life, free from obstructions and full of potential. God has a new blueprint and Jesus is the Contractor.
And the voice......oh my goodness the voice! SO MANY sleepless nights I've had in the last few months because of that voice! He comes to me as I lay still, either sleeping or awake, and repeats His message over
and over and over and over.......until I get it. Until it's so deeply engraved on my heart and in my mind that I cannot forget or disregard it. And it is always an answer to a question I've asked Him. It's beautiful. And I've accepted that I may never sleep again LOL but I don't even care. As long as I drift into delirium with His voice in my head, I don't care if I sleep.
If you've wondered "Why can't I hear God's voice?" Maybe you have, you just didn't recognize it. He comes to each one of us in different ways but I can tell you that if you're paying attention (and I would highly recommend writing down every question you have for Him and every sign or voice you hear because you'll be amazed) if you're open to hear His voice, He WILL speak to you. When I have a question, I ask Him for an answer or for clarity right before I go to bed and I get the answer I seek. Mostly, it comes either in a dream or I literally hear a man's voice speaking to me and He repeats the same statement over and over again until I get only an hour or two worth of sleep! I keep hearing it over and over until it sticks and I realize that HEY! This is GOD's voice!! And I will tell you.....generally, His reply is very short and simple.
For instance... I recently met a guy who is physically absolutely PERFECT, even his face is amazingly beautiful. He had a great manner about him and seemed like a truly nice, sweet guy. He wanted to visit me. At this point in my life, after everything I've been through in the last few months and with all of the changes in me spiritually, I am cautious to say the least when it comes to letting anyone new into my life because I do not want to be influenced away from my Father. So I asked God one night if this guy was sent by Him or if he was sent by satan to tempt me into stepping off the path. I went to sleep only to have my dreams interrupted by the voice of my Father telling me,
"Make sure he's not sent by the evil one to tempt you...." over and over and over. I even heard this voice when I would toss and turn. God was making it easy for me to discern that this guy is a temptation brought by satan to lead me away from my Jesus and set me back in my development. Satan knows how perfect a guy would have to seem to even get me to look in his direction. And there in front of me I had an opportunity to have this gorgeous person in my life who seemed to have the loving personality that could offer me happiness. Or did he?
"Make sure he's not sent by the evil one...."
I kept hearing those words. Why else would He say this? Why not, "Nope! It wasn't me!" A lesson in discernment I suppose.
If you've ever wondered why you don't hear His voice, maybe your ears are just not tuned into His frequency. Try again. And again...and again....until you recognize it. He's speaking to you. All you have to do is be willing to hear the truth, even if it's not what you want to hear.
By the way...
It turned out that this "awesome" guy was a total fake. He messed up when he sent me a couple of pictures that looked very similar to the first ones but he must have missed the fact that the 2 different guys in those pictures had completely different EARS! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! wHAT A LOSER.
And he didn't even have the guts to email me back when I asked him if his ear transplant was a difficult process.
Satan must have no sense of humor.