All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
The Joy of the Lord is our strengh.
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Let's have a laugh. We are criticized by outsiders because of the many divisions among our Christian family, but for now let’s put all that aside in this group and have a laugh about it. THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL WHO WANT TO JOIN
Members: 255
Latest Activity: Mar 5, 2018
How many _________ does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Charismatics? Only one since his/her hands are always in the air anyway.
2. Presbyterians? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.
3. Baptists? CHANGE???????
4. Pentecostals? Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
5. Catholics? None. They always use candles.
6. Episcopalians? Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.
7. Church of Christ? None. There's no evidence that light bulbs were ever changed in New Testament times.
8. United Methodists? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ
hahaha
Discussion Forum
Rejoice I tell you, REJOICE
Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Jessi Perez Oct 9, 2012. 31 Replies 1 Like
Please bless us with clean Christian jokes so we can exercise the tummy. :)Continue
Cartoon fun and more!
Started by David Velasquez. Last reply by Prophet Mar 7, 2011. 15 Replies 0 Likes
Come on family share with us some funny cartoons andvideos.Continue
Comment Wall
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Comment by Mercy Mwakalu-Mwakisha on June 2, 2010 at 8:53am
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Ayoung energetic newly born again,with the fire of door to door evangelism burning in him,decided to quench the fire at the market.It was a market day so the place was parked.(maybe not common in your places)He talked to afew people before getting to one mama sitted crosslegged on the ground from where she sold her goods."How are you mama?" "Fine my son,what are you buying today?""Nothing mum,but do you know Jesus?" "Who?" "Jesus Christ,do you know Him personally?""No son,i swear i don't,am very new here,this my second time in this market,ask my friend here,she's from around"
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Comment by David Velasquez on May 10, 2010 at 6:50pm
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Thanks Carla -
Guess who send it to me? Bev. hahaaha
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Comment by Carla on May 8, 2010 at 2:21am
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I love that David.. very funny.
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A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
:>)
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had beenborn in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
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Comment by geoff on April 28, 2010 at 11:47am
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Q: Why did they cast lots?
A: They couldn't find their abrahams
(Sorry...but i kept seeing this topic in the Bible section of the forum, and was finding myself too tempted to post it there. Instead, I decided to post it here, where it would cause the least amount of damage and groanings....)
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LOL.. i know, i did the same thing... i'd like to say i tried it only once, :)
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Carla, that is just mean, my foot is getting tired from my repeated attempts to prove to myself I can do it! XD
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