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Sex before marriage -- 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from Sexual immorality"
We all aren't perfect, I know that many of us are born again believers, or grew up in church and lost our way, till now. I am still working on it. I am new to this so if I am too detailed, or graphic or upset someone, please forgive me. This should be the place that I can get the answers I need without judgment.
1 Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from Sexual immorality"
My boyfriend and I have been together 4 months. I grew up in church, been married, divorced (for legit reasons) and now, at the age of 23 am looking to get closer to God and get my life right. He was a virgin when we got together and we were sexually active. I know that was a horrible thing of me, but I was living in sin. It doesn't help that though we are in a monogamous relationship, when single and in my past, I have used sex for pleasure, rebounds, all those WRONG THINGS and he knows this. It has given him the perception that I won't last a month, I cannot go without sex or that it is just phase I am going through. He actually advanced sex with me because my past intimidated him, and he thought I would leave him if he didn't ( NOT TRUE! I actually admired it ) I’ve also used sex because I’ve been made to feel that was the only way I’d be able to keep certain relationships. I was right about that. The thing is the relationships like that are not worth it at all. I have began to realize that outside of sex, and with sin, what "relationship" is left?
Here is the problem. In the last 6 months that I have been set on rededicating my life. I have found less and less interest in sex and more disgust. Not just with him, but in general. I know that the closer I get with God, the more I recognize sin. I have also found it to be a distraction from being where I want to be with my faith. Last night I finally told him that I want to cut sex out and just work on other parts of our relationship.
He is not a Christian, even though his mother went, he never received the Word. I have tried to get him to come to church, read with me and pray, but it is a slow process, with many deceiving friends. He begins to try and then falls away at their misconceptions. I just need guidance on the CHRISTIAN approach to this, how to answer it to him when he continues to ask for understanding of why God says it is for MARRIED people, and support for myself to TRULY change my lifestyle in a Godly way.
1 Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from Sexual immorality"
My boyfriend and I have been together 4 months. I grew up in church, been married, divorced (for legit reasons) and now, at the age of 23 am looking to get closer to God and get my life right. He was a virgin when we got together and we were sexually active. I know that was a horrible thing of me, but I was living in sin. It doesn't help that though we are in a monogamous relationship, when single and in my past, I have used sex for pleasure, rebounds, all those WRONG THINGS and he knows this. It has given him the perception that I won't last a month, I cannot go without sex or that it is just phase I am going through. He actually advanced sex with me because my past intimidated him, and he thought I would leave him if he didn't ( NOT TRUE! I actually admired it ) I’ve also used sex because I’ve been made to feel that was the only way I’d be able to keep certain relationships. I was right about that. The thing is the relationships like that are not worth it at all. I have began to realize that outside of sex, and with sin, what "relationship" is left?
Here is the problem. In the last 6 months that I have been set on rededicating my life. I have found less and less interest in sex and more disgust. Not just with him, but in general. I know that the closer I get with God, the more I recognize sin. I have also found it to be a distraction from being where I want to be with my faith. Last night I finally told him that I want to cut sex out and just work on other parts of our relationship.
He is not a Christian, even though his mother went, he never received the Word. I have tried to get him to come to church, read with me and pray, but it is a slow process, with many deceiving friends. He begins to try and then falls away at their misconceptions. I just need guidance on the CHRISTIAN approach to this, how to answer it to him when he continues to ask for understanding of why God says it is for MARRIED people, and support for myself to TRULY change my lifestyle in a Godly way.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Hello Robin.. and welcome!
I am Praising God for your change of heart, and your redication to our Lord.
This is what I know for sure to be true.... When you read God's Word, and continually soak yourself in God's Truth. you will grow in Wisdom and Knowledge.
We don't know how our lives are going to play out. Continue to trust God in all things.
When I first came to Christ, I was healed of certain things instantly (you can read it on my profile)....other things have been a slower process. God reduced the desire of certain sin in my life for many things right away.. Now, 2 1/2 years later...some of those things are being reintroduced into my life, but in a healthy way. They are no longer 'idols' to me.
God changes hearts...HE changes lives! This verse comes to mind as I pray about what you have written here:
Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding, seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5,6
Now....please do not be discouraged. This change of heart....which leads to a change of our lives that we experience is called 'sanctification'. This change will occur in us all our lives. It doesn't happen overnight. God's timing in all things is perfect! Grow in your knowledge of who He is, and your love for Jesus will increase. Learn of Him...and drink deeply of His Great Love. His Love is real and tangible. Pour your heart out to God in prayer.
My dearest sister in Christ, this one thing is for certain. As you read your bible, and pray, you will learn and grow and mature in your faith.
The one caution that I would give you now as you are new in your faith....is 'Be very single minded for Christ'.... reject all 'New Age' beliefs. Jesus is the only way to God.. The reason I mention this is because you speak of your boyfriends 'deceiving friends'. Each one of us can be deceived very easily if we are not strong in our faith and foundation in Christ.
I also feel to caution you on the following thing:
Someone may say to you 'Jesus works for you...but another belief works for me'...
Don't even respond to such foolishness. My recommendation is this: Stay true to God. Smile sweetly to that person, hold your tongue, and pray. The Holy Spirit may give you words to say to respond...or He may not! Guard your heart above all things. And remember, if you agree that other religions or beliefs will lead to God, that is the same as denying Christ. This sounds close-minded, and it is! We must be absolutely closed off to false beliefs.
I want to share this with you also.. It is speaking of the New Covenant and the freedom we have in Christ, because of Christs sacrifice. please read 2 Corinthians 3:7-18 and 2 Corinthians chapter 4.
Stay Strong sister... This life is a beautiful dance with our Savior Christ Jesus, remember to let Him lead.
so...to answer your question (I tend to be long-winded).
Encourage your boyfriend with everything that he does right. overlook his faults. Don't ignore his faults---pray about them. Don't judge his weaknesses..pray about them. We each have faults...as we forgive other people, we to are forgiven. Encourage him...encouragement has got to be the best way to bring out the best in others. As we espect the best from people, they tend to want to live up to that expectation. Lay him at the foot of the cross. Realize that he belongs to God not to you...and God wants him saved far more than you do.
The verse you quoted 1 Corinthians 6:18 is a good one... I also recommend backing up to 1 Cor 6:9...and read thru verse 20.
One more verse... Ephesians 6:10-18. You must be protected with God's armor. These are the things that God has given us to stand strong in Truth and Love.
The belt of Truth (God's Truth)
Breastplate of Righteousness (God's righteousness)
Shoes of peace (peace which surpasses all our understanding)
Shield of faith
Helmet of Salvation
Sword of the Spirit (God's Word) --read your bible :)
Pray always for all things.
Also, I have noticed that as I pray for God to change someones heart... that someone always ends up being 'me'. :)
God Bless.. It is great to have you here.
Love in Christ, Carla
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Permalink Reply by Rob on
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Carla,
I have read this entire post and I draw strength and inspiration from your words.
I have a question of my own for you.
I am a born again Christian. One who has sinned in almost every conceivable way. I was born again 18 months ago. I have been married for nearly 18 years and my wife, and children are not saved.
I know now, through God's word believers should not date/marry etc unbelievers. Thing is I was married before I was saved, as I believe were you, and during the last 18 months things have been very difficult. I am feel restricted/constrained in my faith. Sometimes it borders on resentment towards her because I cannot do things through fear of upsetting her. She is very threatened by my new found faith. She has even told me 'I am still not number one. You go from one extreme to the next and no matter what it is I am still second best'.
People have told me that all I can do is pray, ask the Lord for His Grace to enable me to withstand her taunts, threats etc and just love her. Eventually, in the Lords time she will come around. I was just hoping to get some advice/direction from you, someone who sounds like she is going through a similar situation and one who seems to be very strong. I guess it is just nice to be able to share with others going throught same situation and maybe draw strength from each other.
God bless
Rob
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Hi Rob,
I do relate to what you are going thru.. and my heart goes out to you. It is hard...especially when we do it in our own strength. (whew! I know of this too well)
These are the Power verses which feed me constantly:
Isaiah 50:7
Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be dismayed.
Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do His will.
And I know that I will triumph.
Isaiah 40:31
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Jeremiah 32:17
O Soveriegn LORD.
You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm,
nothing is to hard for you.
Rob, I know how hard it is. Love her...lay her at the foot of the cross, and pray. When you love her, you are showing her God's Love the best that you know how. As Christ followers we rejoice in suffering..and pray thru our valleys. This is one of those valleys.. Praise God! He will be glorified as you trust in Him.
God will strengthen your marriage.
When you pray and read your bible, try to do it in times which will not intrude on family time. Of coarse God comes first, but she must know of her worth in your eyes. Devote each evening to being with her and the kids ( and weekends--except for church--church is a must). When you do this it honors God. Try to 'get with God' in the mornings before anyone else wakes up. Take an interest in her life...engage in small talk, ask her about her day.... and avoid talk about God... BUT continue to pray thru each circumstance that God places you in. Your heart is for God...He knows our hearts. The Holy Spirit will guide you.
With God all things are possible. Pray that God will give you His Love for her. HE loves her far more then you do.
Have you washed her feet lately? We are called to serve....especially our spouses. Seriously though...how would she react if you offered to wash her feet?
Read and pray over Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 13. Love really does conquer all. Pour God's Love on her in God's Strength, which means stay in the Word and pray. Prayer is futile if you are not reading your bible, the two go together. Pray God's Word to Him, and continually thank Him for all He has done and is doing. Let Him amaze you. He has amazed me and continues to do so.
I recommend the movie 'fireproof' if you have not already watched it. However, watch it by yourself. You can also get the book 'Love Dare' that goes with the movie, I recommend that also. I am lifting you both up to our Lord.
God Bless you Ron.
Your sister in Christ, Carla
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Carla,
Thank you for the amazing insight and advice.
Reading through your response I realised that I was pretty much doing all the things you suggested.
So I will take heart and encouragement from that. The Holy Spirit is guiding us in what seems to be very similar ways.
I go to church every Sunday and I get up every morning before the family and pray to and worship the Lord so not to upset anyone or make them feel uncomfortable.
I have watched the movie Fireproof and a friend from AAG even sent me the Love Dare book.
I will arm myself with the scriptures you sent me from Isaiah and Jeremiah.
One thing I haven't tried is washing her feet. It is something I will do when I return home from my business trip.
Is there anything I should say to her? Explain to her as I am sure it will freak her out a bit.
God bless you
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hahaha... sure.. you may want to say something like. 'I know it's hard for you when I go away on my trips, Thank you for supporting me, I recognize that it must be hard on you at times.'
Buy her a foot spa if you don't already have one...fill it up with nice lavendar soaps, pour her something to drink that she likes and light a candle. Personally I wouldn't say aything, just set the stage. Pray all the while... :)
God is teaching us patience and serving in all this wouldn't you say...!?!
God Bless, Carla
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Carla,
You are truly a blessing. This sounds perfect. She will love this.
God bless and protect you.
Rob
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Permalink Reply by AAG Netguy on
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Robin,
Thanks for you question and your honesty. You mentioned you were wanting to work on your relationship with your boyfriend and yet, "He is not a Christian...he never received the Word." I would say that you have a very serious issue here besides the sex problem, because the Bible tells us that Christians are not to marry unbelievers.
I'm sure you love your boyfriend and want him to believe in Christ as you do, but until the day he truly becomes a believer (and not just professing faith in Christ in order to continue a relationship with you) a deep relationship and marriage will not be possible. I've seen far to many cases of a Christian woman marrying an unbeliever or someone who was merely professing to be a believer and their life has been sheer misery since that time. Somehow they believed that they could change the man. It will never work. Although it will be incredibly painful, save yourself a lifetime of sorrow and break off the relationship now and ask God to help you find a truly committed Christian man. You will know him by his track record (his fruit) of love for God and service to others.
Please read this from http://www.gotquestions.org/date-marry-unbeliever.html
Question: "Is it right for a Christian to date or marry a non-Christian?"
Answer: For a Christian, dating a non-Christian is unwise, and marrying one is not an option. 2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us not to be “unequally yoked” with an unbeliever. The imagery is of oxen that are incompatible being yoked together. Instead of working together to pull the load, they would be working against one another because of their incompatibility. While this passage does not specifically mention marriage, it most definitely has implications for marriage. The passage goes on to say that there is no harmony between Christ and Belial (another name for Satan), there can be no harmony in a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian. Paul goes on to remind believers that we are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, who inhabits our hearts at salvation (2 Corinthians 6:15-17). Because of that, we are to be separate from the world—in the world, but not of the world—and nowhere is that more important than in life’s most intimate relationship—marriage.
The Bible goes on to say, “Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers, but that is as far as it should go. If you were dating an unbeliever, what would honestly be your priority, romancing them or winning their soul for Christ? If you were married to an unbeliever, how would the two of you cultivate a spiritual intimacy in your marriage? How could a quality marriage be built if you disagree on the most crucial issue in the universe—the Lord Jesus Christ?
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Robin..
I am responding to what Greg wrote here...and to agree. I live in an unequally yoked marriage. It is very difficult. God's Word advises against it. I am here to tell you I am living it and it is not easy, and if it is avoidable...avoid it!
God Bless, Carla
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Permalink Reply by once upon a time on
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Hello, everyone..
Truly, i was blessed in all spiritual words that you shared in our sister Robin. Indeed, we must pray and read the Holy Words of God because that is the only way to reduce our sin and increasing our faith to God. Be strong and courageous in the name of Jesus Christ, let the Holy Spirit of God control in all the way.
May God continue to use in God's glory.
abide in His love,
ladyhumble
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Permalink Reply by Ginnybee on
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Robin, I'd like to encourage you to read a blog post of mine that has to do with what you are asking about. It describes something that happened to me. This person or angel, whomever it was, asked me a very simple question that we should remember to always ask our selves. I honestly think that the total implication behind the phrase was this: Whom do you love most of all, the boyfriend or God? Please take the time to read, here's the link...
http://www.allaboutgod.net/profiles/blogs/encounter-with-an-angel-does
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Permalink Reply by Robin on
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I am testing for E-5 in the Air force this week and when I asked him if we could just discuss this NOW he said he wanted to wait; talk about it the day before my test. I told him I have so much to worry about without the addition of if he is going to be in my life or not.
Well I faced it all last night, forced him to make a choice. It broke my heart to listen to the words " I can never be that Christian head of house and man you need me to be." I asked why when you see evidence through the years and the world would you not give your heart and just try it? I know that something evil is standing in the way, but I also know that God wants him to know Him more than I do, and all I can do is continue on my journey. I have turned this over to God, walked away from him, and am trying to be strong in my choice. I have never had to choose my God over someone like this before, which makes it harder. I just feel very vulnerable to the fact I let him in, shared the things I have been through in my life, welcomed him into my home, my heart... Gah, it sucks being a girl :) I want someone to be able to come home to and talk about our days, to cook for, someone who will walk the dogs with me at night, to help me paint my house and hang pictures...go traveling around Guam with...
I know I am suppose to wait on God to provide that man to me, but waiting is never easy when you are alone.
Thanks for all the support
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