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I'm starting this discussion to find out how others have dealt with unforgiveness. How you overcame it, what was the result of it and so forth. 

I'm currently struggling with unforgiveness. I know without a doubt that forgiving frees me. Forgiving them allows God to start working on my behalf. He said vengeance is His. Sometimes I would say it, I forgive him but then bitter memory will come to me and I would be angered all over again.

I'm back to my fasting lifestyle. But more than ever. I have a new hunger for the Lord. I am so determined to know His will for my life. I'm back to the beginning of when I first said yes, the lonely walk when diligently seeking the Lord. 

Sometimes I wake up and don't know who I am. Yes, I also lost my identity in Christ. 

So I'm not only dealing with unforgiveness and anger but to restore my identity, my power, my authority, my confidence, and my self-esteem. 

I was broken before the Lord, the sadness was released. I have since been led to a book on Totally Forgiving yourself which has been a tremendous blessing. And I try to apply it to my life.  Sermons at my church, testimonies from young ladies at my church who've been through a similar trial, being ministered to. It's like God is planting all these tools in my way to help me. He sees what I'm struggling with and I asked him to search my heart and see that I want to be free from it all. He's a faithful God and He is not a man that He should Lie. 

I KNOW this process is taking me to my next. My next season I can't walk into it with unforgiveness and rage.

What I KNOW overcomes what I FEEL.  What I know is imprinted in my spirit. What my eyes can't see, I still believe. 

How have you dealt with it, how did you overcome it?

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Thank you, Anthony!  I will check it out. 

Hi Stacey,

I overcame unforgiveness towards my father.  

God will lead each of us differently according to who we are and how we respond to things, He knows the best way to reach our hearts.  For me, it was beneficial to meet some family members (cousins on his side) I hadn't seen for many years. Without going into great details here, I'll just say he was an abusive alcoholic man with many mental issues.  

I hadn't seen him since I was 15, and now I am 50.  I don't know when he died, but I think it was about 10 years ago.

God created an opportunity for me to spend time with them and get to know about my fathers life and why he may have done the things he did.  It was very eye opening and freeing.  My response was compassion and mercy.  I'm empowered to live my life in God's way, and God's way is forgiveness.  It's my choice how I live and respond to God's commands.  I know I'm accountable for my choices.  I also know God judges fairly.  I understand that the harm my father did to me wasn't about me, and actually had nothing to do with me.

It was helpful to me personally to see into his life through the eyes of others who knew him.  He had abused some of them as well.  You are right when you say "Forgiving frees me".  Forgiving frees all of us.

God is a great judge filled with righteous judgement and unfailing love.  Let HIM have this.  HE can handle it better than we can.  

PS-If you want to know more details feel free to read my testimony on my page.

I urge you to keep talking about this.  God Bless you for reaching out.

Blessings, Carla

Carla, from one who've also been abused by her father and uncle, great details need not be said. It's been years for me as well and I still can't talk about it. Since posting this, I have to say God has been really working within me. Showed me from a different set of eyes. I find myself feeling lighter and lighter. I do know that after I overcome this season of unforgiveness with this person, it will be a walk in the park to forgive my father and uncle and those who've hurt my daughter as well. I know God knows exactly what He's doing. Everything it's own season. I just have to go through it but not alone. I thank you so much for your response. I will definitely read your testimony,

Stacey, I’m sure most of us have had to deal with unforgiveness at times in our lives. Mine was due to a business deal, I got to the point of wanting to get rid of a person by any means I could. Even though I was a Christian, but had walked according to the world, (the flesh) trying to do my own thing, I let the enemy take advantage of my thoughts and just about destroyed me. However God had other plans for my life, because I never did carry out the plans I had for the other person, in fact I met with him and told him about the Lord and gave him a bible, he was really surprised and said “you never talked like this before, and I said that I didn’t have in me then that I have now.” thank God for His mercy. After getting back in church and seeking God, I learned that unforgiveness was very destructive, not only for our lives, but for our relationships with others as well. So I too was struggling with, not only unforgiveness, but with knowing God. Though I was reading the bible, quoting chapters, verses, and seeing all these exceeding great and precious promises, but not experiencing them, until I learned that faith was just my positive response to what God had already done for us. James 1 says “but be ye doers of the Word and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves”, we sometimes forget that God has already blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places. All we have to do is believe it, “what things soever ye desire when you pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them. Mk.11:24. This is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us, and if we know He hears us, we know we have the petition that we desired of Him. 1Jo.5:14 (paraphrased) So I found out that all I had to do was to believe in Him, take Him at His Word, and rest in Him. Hebrews 4:1-3 (KJV)
1  Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it.
2  For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it.
3  For we which have believed do enter into rest, as he said, As I have sworn in my wrath, if they shall enter into my rest: although the works were finished from the foundation of the world.

We say we believe, but do we really believe what the Word is saying to us? I always thought I believed, but I found out in James 1, that with a wavering faith, let not that man think he shall receive anything of the Lord. Our wavering faith is when we pray, we will sometimes have a tendency to see if God answered our prayers, and when we don’t see the thing we are praying for manifested at that time, we will say, well I guess God didn’t hear me, or maybe it isn’t His will for me to be healed. But the Word is speaking in the past tense, by His stripes ye were healed, not going to be, it is already done in the Spirit, we just have to appropriate it by faith without wavering. At least it set me free knowing that God is not withholding any good thing from me, just faith in the finished work of Christ. I can say that I have no unforgiveness in me at all for any that has done me wrong.  

I have posted this before, but for the benefit of those that have not read it I will do it again, taken from the Amp. Bible.


Because I walk in Love and Love lives in me

#1. I endure long

#2. I am patient and kind

#3. I am never envious, nor do I boil over with Jealousy

#4.  I am never boastful or vainglorious

#5. I never display myself haughtily

#6. I’m not conceited, arrogant or inflated with pride

#7. I’m never rude or unmannerly

#8. I never act unbecomingly

#9. I never insist on my own rights or my own ways

#10. I am not self-seeking

#11. I’m never touchy fretful or resentful

#12.I take on account of an evil done to me,

#13.I pay no attention to a suffered wrong

#14. I do not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness

#15. I do rejoice when right and truth prevail

#16. I bear up under anything and everything that comes

#17. I’m ever ready to believe the best of everyone

#18. My hopes are fadeless under all circumstances

#19. I endure everything without weakening

#20. For the love in me never fails, never fades out, becomes obsolete, or comes to an end.

Blessing JB








Rejoicing! The Lord certainly sent the right people to comment. I am glad. I know He hears me and knows my struggle as well as the fight to get closer to Him and to surrender my Will for His. I asked Him to strip away bitterness, resentment and to help me guard my heart without making it hard. It is tough, but I know what I must do. It's to turn back to Him. Broken is a good place to be in the Lord. He is making me new, stripping away old things that are not like Him. So I too can also have a testimony as you all about overcoming unforgiveness. I commented in the last response, that since I posted the topic, God has been working within in. Day by day I feel lighter and lighter, When the bitter memories come, I'm not feeling defeated. I get a bit sad but His word and promises about me quickly cuts it away! And I thank and praise Him.  I thank you for your testimony. He is faithful! 

You know Stacey, when I was struggling so much, after coming out of this business deal and I was seeking God, reading a little and praying for about 2 weeks, I was sitting in church that Sunday morning, trying to learn with a heavy heart, confused about many things. After the worship service as the Pastor got up to preach, he was in silent pray, and moaning in the Spirit, and then said “The Lord would say unto His people, strive not to know Me; then he stopped and said, see the Lord is correcting me, brother Boyce this is for you, I’ve heard the cry of your heart that so much you don’t understand, and you know that I seek to understand these things, but the Lord would say unto you, Strive not my child for I shall bring you into knowledge and understanding as you grow and day by day if you look to me, yea I will answer your questions, and establish you, but it will be a natural flow from the throne of God and the Lord will be your teacher. ” Needless to say I was totally surprised, because I never told this preacher what I was going through, I really didn’t know him that well, therefore I knew it had to be from God. But then I had to question it, because I was reading some, and praying more, and sort of dismissed it, until I read John 1:1, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God , and the Word was God.” And Bam, that prophecy hit me as if it had just been spoken to me, “day by day if you look to Me “ and I said it again, “day by day if you look to Me “and I said YES that’s it, looking to God is reading and studying His Word and applying it to my heart. That’s when I began to put more time in studying the Word and things began to change in my life. I haven’t arrived yet, but I have left and on my way. Praise God.

Maybe this will be of some help to others that are struggling with life and their relationship with God and Jesus Christ.

I will also note that there are some religions that do not believe in prophecies, or a word of knowledge, and that’s alright, it happened to me, and works for me.

Blessings JB    

Hey! I can attest to that. I know who God is and a firm believer in prophecies. How can we not when it's in the bible? I absolutely love it. Thank you again JB.


Stacey, you know there are a lot of things in the bible that are very plainly written that are not understood, based on the way they were taught by various denominations. Though I believe we have apostles, prophets, evangelist, Pastors and teachers. (Questions on the apostles and prophets of today though) He says in Eph. 4:12, for a purpose, or for a certain length of time. However I don’t believe we are to be taught, or sit under these tutors for the rest of our lives, “but until we all come into the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, and unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ. That we henceforth be no more children tossed to and fro, carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the slight men and cunning craftiness, whereby they lay in wait to deceive; but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.”

I believe that “Christ, and the anointing” are two of the most misunderstood words by a lot of Christians. 1Jo.2:27 tells us that the anointing that we have received of Him, abides in us, and we need not that any man teach us, but as the same anointing that teacheth us of all things, and is truth and is no lie, and even as it hath taught us, we shall abide in Him…

Hebrews 1, where He says, God who at sundry times and diverse manners, spake in times past unto the fathers by the prophets, have in these last days spoken unto us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, by whom also He made the worlds…

It’s a matter of us learning from them at the beginning, but we should be studying the Word for ourselves and letting the Holy Spirit teach truths of His word and growing thereby in the knowledge of Him. Though when we study intellectually or logically, we may find ourselves leaning more toward sense knowledge, rather than faith in God’s Word. Bible calls it carnally minded, or “the natural man.” Ro.8: for to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God, for it is not subject to the law of God, neither in deed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God… Actually neither can they understand the word because it is spiritually discerned. 1Cor.2:14.






First, take it to the Lord in prayer because forgiveness starts from him. As human it is difficult to forgive but we need the help of God to strengthen us in forgiving those who have hurt us.

Hi Stacy,

You posted this back in January, I'd love to hear how you're doing now.

Blessings, Carla

Carla! I am happy and blessed to report that God came in like a storm and COMPLETELY RESTORED ME before January was over!

I was led to a book on Forgiving and it blessed me before I even bought it. I was able to ACCEPT God's forgiveness, Forgive the person AND pray for them. It was NOT easy!! But God dealt with me. He told me if I don't let go He cannot do His duty as my  Father. Not through a word, He spoke to my heart during prayer. I even reached out to speak to the person who hurt me to find out why. My prayer for them is for the spirit of truth to fall on them, their salvation and to turn back to God. 

It happened in my car, I got tired of feeling empty and lost.  I was desperate to get back all that was stolen. Continuing to FAST and PRAY for my own restoration while still walking in forgiveness and love.

In my car, I got real with God. I said this is how I'm feeling, this is what I know, help what I feel line up with what I know. Carla, I can't even tell you date and time- I just woke up one day and all that was gone! I had a different pep in my step. That day I said God I'm going to work for you, you show me who needs you today. Lo and behold my coworker whom I've worked with for months was going through confidence issues due to a past similar to mine. I was able to speak life into her, but it wasn't me. If I told you what I said I'd be lying, she along with another young lady pulled up a chair and ate every word. She rededicated her life and is learning who she is in Christ. 

One early morning, the Holy Spirit woke me up to pray. And God showed me who I am in Him. He showed me who He'd called me to be. So tangible I stretched my hand out as if I can touch and feel it. 

My business is about to launch this March. I started with just the name and the logo when the trial had just started back in Mid November. I didn't know if I was kidding myself just wanting to distract myself from all that was going on. But I seeked GOD first and said your will be done. 

 I am all about doing HIS WILL in all that I do. My speech has changed, my desires have changed, as I asked God to let my desires line up with His desires, so I know I'm walking in His will. 


Stacey..  Praise God! I'm celebrating with you.  God is good all the time.

I truly have chills reading your testimony.

You might want to head over to Handmaiden's discussion about seeing God at work in our lives and see how you can encourage others. 

Here's the link:

God Bless you beautiful sister in Christ.  I'm so proud of you and happy for you.  Praise The Lord.


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