How do you heal?

How is healing possible? I've heard as Christians we're suppose to move on from our past. I ask how is that possible when you're reminded of it so much? And, eventually you have to relive the fear...When Heaven(rapture) seems like the closest option to healing complelty...

This (along with a number of things) has gotton my emotions to be pretty much dead. I cried when I was 11...I had feeling than. Unfortunatly, now is a different story. It'd be possibly different if I didn't have to relive through the fear and get reminded of it so much...it opens up wounds and the pain starts again.

I made a huge mistake. I've gotton attached to Waldo. He's(atleast I think Waldo's a boy) a little orange kitten outside...I knew about him before. But, last night really did it. Mom made homemade pizza. I sat outside and ate. I left my pizza on the table outside. I went in to go to the restroom. I came back and there was some pizza gone. Mainly some crust was left. I took it in to show mom. She thought that was weird as well. I came back out and I seen him. Waldo was on our steps. He must of been sneaking back down to see if he could get any more of that pizza...He seen me and he ran a little bit away into the backyard. It must have been Waldo who ate some of my pizza. As odd as it sounds that produced a connection...an attachment.

I don't know. It may be that he reminds me of Ms. Nibby (who was really a boy but when I named him I thought he was a girl)...he's the one who died on my bed three days after my 11th birthday in 2003. I found him after I came home from school.

Maybe I'm so psychilogically damaged I'm really seeing Ms. Nibby...he was playful like Waldo was last night. Now if Waldo ends up getting posioned like who knows how many other cats...it's only a matter of time...I relieved the fear last night. I seen his little paws on her property (I didn't see all of him because of the fence but that part of the fence is off the ground enough so I could see Waldo walking...Thank God Waldo eventually came back on this property...

I also seen a big orange cat last night...reminds me of another cat who used to come around here...I tried to chase it last night to scare it away...I blamed myself because I think it may have went on her property because of me...went in the direction of her wall (our walls are connected out front)... 

I don't want to be mad at her...I want this pain to end...