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All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

Well I'm a 16 year old girl and I live with both of my parents. I have a
brother but he's in University so he lives in a different city. He
often comes during the holidays.

I've always been quiet and I've kept everything I've gone through to
myself due to my trust issues. I've been suffering from depression for
more than 3 years now and I always find myself feeling overwhelmed with
sadness and because I don't really have anyone to talk to, which worsens my condition. I've been feeling suicidal for the last couple of
months due to the troubles I've been facing in my life.

Anyway, my parents have adopted my mum's sister's orphans who were living in Africa. They are two girls- one is 12 and the other 13. To me it wasn't neccessarily an issue having them here. I think its better for them because they'll be able to have a proper family considering the life they had after their parents died.

Now I'm pretty xenophobic. I'm not used to drastic change and I don't know how to cope with it which worries me because I'm starting to get more suicidal thoughts as the days go by. I'm not used to sharing things with others nor am I used to looking after people. I don't feel emotionally and mentally stable to be taking the role my mum has given me (showing them around and I'll have to look after them at school). I'm not a very talkative person, infact I'm usually depressed and I don't really have a lot of friends at school so I'm not sure how I would be able to help them out because I'm no good.

I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can tell anyone how I feel because I feel really selfish and self-centered but I can't keep it inside any longer. I don't even know how to pray anymore. I don't know what to say. I'm always putting other people's feelings before mine ( which is why people are always walking all over me) so when it comes to putting my own feelings into consideration, I feel selfish. I just don't know what to do. Perhaps I should seek therapy?

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First, I wanna say that I pretty much agree with what this brother is telling you. Yes, like I said earlier, get therapy. Your issues are multi-faceted. This generally requires multiple sources of help. I've had several therapists in my lifetime and in their own ways, they've helped me. Never really on the spiritual level, but they helped me in the ways that others aren't qualified to help me. Sometimes by briefly prescribing meds to give my brain "a break" so that it could be forced back into a normal realm of reaction to circumstances, but eventually after a few months, I realized that the meds were now keeping my brain on that same level, not allowing it to work beyond that capacity, and this became a problem in itself. I started to see that I was basically becoming "numb" to life's situations, things that I should've been upset about enough to do something to change them, I just didn't really care anymore.

That said, only a therapist can tell you if you need meds, but rely on common sense before deciding to take them. Obviously you don't want to start out taking 3 or 4 different medications. You'll be a walking zombie. At the same time, I took some mild antidepressants for about 8 months and it did help me to start thinking like a normal person again. Not that you're not normal, just that when we are overwhelmed for so long, our minds stop thinking on a normal level. Make sense?

I went to see my therapist about 2 months ago and it had been about 3 months since the last appointment. We talked small talk for about 10 minutes and she tilted her head to the side and looked at me sort of confused. She said, "I don't get it? What made such a huge difference in the person that I see sitting in front of me right now and the girl I saw 3 months ago? You're not the same person!"

I just smiled and sat there for a minute, trying to contain my giggles that were bubbling up in me. I just said one word...

"Jesus."

She almost cried. I almost did too LOL She said she couldn't believe it. Then she told me, "Well, He's giving you more than anything I ever could. Keep going with Him!"

Yes, find someone you can talk to who is a believer and lives a believer's life. A pastor, friend, teacher, the person behind the counter at the coffee shop...whatever. Let God lead you to whomever He wants to be your guide right now. Pray for this person and pray for the clear vision to know them in your heart when you meet them. Then just be open and honest and let God speak to you thru this individual and trust that He knows what's best, even if it's not what you want to hear or do.

I've walked a thousand miles in your shoes, and when I was just your age. I come from nothing. I was offered no hope or acceptance by the world. I was told by my dad that I'd never amount to anything and he was sorry he had me. For a long long time, I believed him and my life reflected that belief. Yet here I am to testify to you that you're just as precious as anyone else in God's sight and He's trusting you with this huge situation because He created you to be strong enough and smart enough to handle it and one day use it for good...in ways you can't yet imagine.

All you have to do is say "I'll take it, Father." And imagine His kiss on your cheek. And smile :)
i've also found that deep prayer (zoning out, phone off, no intruders and staying in that mindset until you've made contact) regularly does wonders for the dark cloudy days. the key is to be consistent. and trust what He has to say to you. He can't wait to talk to you! you're His lil girl. He's been waiting for this moment your whole life :)
Beautiful lil sister Angel,

You said the following:

>>I don't actually go to church though so I don't know what to do in this case. I'm not very open to the idea of going to church because of all the churches I've heard of here, the people are very judgmental to the point where they dictate your every move. I'm scared of being judged because I fear that no one will understand my predicaments and they will just come to the conclusion that I'm just being attention seeking and inconsiderate :(

Your reasons for not going to church are founded on assumptions (because of all the churches I've heard of here). Sis Church is a wonderful experience. You are really hurting your walk by not attending church.

Many people avoid fellowshipping in a local church, a huge mistake, because they find that fellowshipping evolves challenges. Buildings relationships even through this medium means there is the real possibility of being hurt, at times the person doing the hurting does not even realize that is happening, but the other person may be taking things out of context etc...

I love God's people, especially the knuckle heads, maybe because I am one. hahaha But I truly believe in church and I am willing to invest in such work, because regardless of the challenges that may arise from fellowshipping the reward far over weights the negatives.

Many do not go to church either because they feel the Pastor has no right to speak into their lives correction of doctrine, attitudes, character flaws etc... That is unfortunate but extremely true in the world we are living in. But before I go on a tangent let me stop and just remind you beloved that your view of church from what I read above is full of assumptions.

You are a bright young lady. Your interpretation of the song and how you express yourself and your sense of humor are evidence of a bright mind, so take my advise an considered it. Pray about it and if you need help locating a healthy church around your area, Sister Carla can do a Google search for you and recommend some places.

http://www.allaboutgod.net/profile/Carla?xg_source=profiles_friendList

We are the church here on AAG and as you have seen, no one has judged you sis. We have loved you, because as you have read through the many testimonies we can relate to the struggles of life. I am sure a local church can bless you sis. It is also a commandment of our Lord, for us not to neglect fellowship.

Love to you sis

Your drawings totally Rock, girl you are gifted.
awesome! great video! she rocks!
Angel -

As your older brother I hope I never offend you my lil sis, but there is not much to pray about when it comes to going to church. Do pray God leads you to a healthy church, but going to church is not something one needs to ask God about.

He wants you to go to church and enjoy the beauty of fellowship and to partake on the challenges it also brings up for our edification and growth.

It's all in the hands huh haha super cool.

Blessings

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