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All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

Well I'm a 16 year old girl and I live with both of my parents. I have a
brother but he's in University so he lives in a different city. He
often comes during the holidays.

I've always been quiet and I've kept everything I've gone through to
myself due to my trust issues. I've been suffering from depression for
more than 3 years now and I always find myself feeling overwhelmed with
sadness and because I don't really have anyone to talk to, which worsens my condition. I've been feeling suicidal for the last couple of
months due to the troubles I've been facing in my life.

Anyway, my parents have adopted my mum's sister's orphans who were living in Africa. They are two girls- one is 12 and the other 13. To me it wasn't neccessarily an issue having them here. I think its better for them because they'll be able to have a proper family considering the life they had after their parents died.

Now I'm pretty xenophobic. I'm not used to drastic change and I don't know how to cope with it which worries me because I'm starting to get more suicidal thoughts as the days go by. I'm not used to sharing things with others nor am I used to looking after people. I don't feel emotionally and mentally stable to be taking the role my mum has given me (showing them around and I'll have to look after them at school). I'm not a very talkative person, infact I'm usually depressed and I don't really have a lot of friends at school so I'm not sure how I would be able to help them out because I'm no good.

I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can tell anyone how I feel because I feel really selfish and self-centered but I can't keep it inside any longer. I don't even know how to pray anymore. I don't know what to say. I'm always putting other people's feelings before mine ( which is why people are always walking all over me) so when it comes to putting my own feelings into consideration, I feel selfish. I just don't know what to do. Perhaps I should seek therapy?

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I've literally heard an audible voice that I just somehow knew was Jesus, as well as the Father's! It's exciting when that happens and you feel their love for you in that they spoke to you in this way. But most of the time, it's not audible. But it's just as special and just as full of love and wisdom.

I think that what most people mean when they say you have to learn to hear them is that the "voice" is more an inner urging, a spontaneous thought that you know without a doubt did not come from you, something that exceeds your own knowledge and wisdom that can either explode in your mind or quietly whisper. Our minds are what God has chosen to use to connect with us. All we have to do is keep our minds in the right place to hear...which is fixed on Above.

The challenge is learning to know the difference. Realizing when your own mind or wishes have projected a thought vs honestly being open to whatever the answer may be, even if it's not what you want it to be. Because that happens sometimes. We want to hear a certain response and a trick of the devil is to make us think that we got it. We want what our flesh wants (and that doesn't just mean physical things). He's a clever being and infinitely more intelligent than we are so it's imperative that you keep your heart and mind on the side of Light so they can look after you and help you to discern what comes from the devil, what comes from you, and what comes from Above.

I know it's confusing and overwhelming but practice makes "pretty good at it" LOL and it gets easier. Always listen. Always pray...which you can do all the time, not just before bed at night...you can carry on a full conversation with Him in your head as you go about your day and no one will even know. Give them more opportunities to speak and you'll get more chances to discern. And writing everyday down helps with this as well. I carry lil notebooks everywhere with me. These spontaneous whispers won't hang around til you get home! I go back thru my journal/emails/blogs all the time and learn things months later that never occurred to me at the time. This is because sometimes we have to get a bit more life experience in some area to hear what what said to us some time before.

It's a mystery of Heaven! It blows my mind more everyday. They already know what I'll need months later and they talk to me about it now, as a parent leading a child... :)

No more crying my dear. Unless they're tears of happiness that you now really know how precious you are to Him :) You're in the right place. They'll see to that as long as your heart is following their lead. They'll make sure you get to where you need to be and hear what you need to hear. If it's really important, they'll let you know for sure. No worries. Just rest for your soul...

Now take a deep breath....

and smile!


ohhh sister Jessica (AKA guerita) is good at making people cry. She makes me cry all the time hahaha

Ok just kidding Jess, don't you kick me woman. hahaha :)

Love to you both.
oh David, you're just a sissy :P love to you my brother!
Never take the rain for granted. You'll learn more in a single thunderstorm than in a thousand days of sunshine.

Yes...the darkest days can be the greatest blessings...hiding behind the storm clouds ;)
Jess --

Awesome testimony of what God has done for you. Keep abiding in Him and writing, you have a way with words.

Love to you guerita.
thanks bro :)

i've got many testimonies. and writing is my passion and i somehow know it will be used by God for big things. i just need to figure out how to deal with the small ones first! ....and the big ones that are moving in whether i'm ready or not. COME WHAT MAY I HAVE JESUS AT MY SIDE.
Jess,

I am sure He will. Just don't get a big head when He starts showing off through you, well you are already bringing HIm glory, but you don't need a bigger head hahaha

Just always remember that is all about HIm. :)

Love you girl.
now david....you know where i come from. how in the world could i ever think too highly of myself? i know my place in the Kingdom. right next to Jesus, doing whatever He tells me to do and trying not to screw it all up. i was a nobody before I let Him in. He's the only reason i wear the title of "servant." i'm truly okay with that title too, thank you very much! i'm a daughter of the Most High! i love the fact that i'll never grow up. i'll always just be "Daddy's little girl" :D
Jess,

Satan will come at you were you least expect Him. You know where I come from too and I hated self righteous, prideful people with a passion before Christ came to my life. My dreams were to do evil to them. Yet when God started to used me the following thoughts started coming up (fiery darts):

1. Why don't this guys get it? It is really not that complicated. Abide in the Lord, His word and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Capish! That was the beginning of spiritual pride.

2. Of course God saved you, you were a sold out dude willing to die without fear and a second thought. He can use someone like you. Like Paul, he was sold out for his cause before Christ and then God turn it around for His glory. So He chose you because blah blah blah you like to study etc...

By God's grace and to His glory I was able to catch does thoughts and take them captive to the obedience of Christ. I would not allow them to take root in my heart and I constantly reminded myself to examine my motives.
But those thoughts really tripped me out, because I hated prideful people and here I was getting prideful thoughts. And the silly thing was that I was full of pride before Christ. It was a different type of pride than the one I hated with a passion, but it was pride none the less. We are so blind and lost before Christ. So just know that Satan and his followers will come at us where we least expect it.

>>i'll always just be "Daddy's little girl" :D

I love it, amen sis. :)

Angel -

Sorry for taking your discussion on a tangent, but this girl Jess is a chatter box. hahaha
david...i'm gonna put you in a headlock one of these days! haha!

i hear you. it can creep up on me too even if i know it's stalking me. i keep a watchful eyeball. all the while, i envision myself sitting on His lap, staring into the love that pours from His blue eyes. have you been there? it's amazing....you feel like a newborn baby...no words...just emotion too big to contain...looking into eternity and mesmerized by the level of love i'm feeling. and He looks right back into you...

try it.
welcome to therapy, JESUS did not bring you this far to leave you, you are here for a reason, to love; to teach; to learn and to encourage. Turn your mess into your message, help somebody whos going through. they walked over JESUS too. GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME, THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD. (REPEAT ) GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME, THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD. you must be an----ANGEL love ya much, with JESUS LOVE
Lovely song - beautiful.....

Angel I would add this scripture to Bev's song:

Psa 45:11 And the King will desire your beauty, for He is your Lord, and you shall worship Him.

The King greatly desires you Angel and your worship of HIM - worship in Spirit and Truth!

Luv and prayers
Linda Ruth

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