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All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

I have been married for 38 years with the last year my husband and I have been separated for 9 months. We started drifting apart ( or so he says) and he started seeing a woman at work who ended up becoming more than friends. For the last 9 months he has been seeing her and does not want to come back home and work on our marriage. We have been to counseling that didn't help. The counselor said there was no sense in continuing the counseling because you can not rebuild a marriage with a triangle (my husband, myself and the other woman). I have talked to him about reconciling for months but he refuses to listen. Actually, he listened but then he tells me that he doesn't want to come back to our marriage because he is happy where he is now. He says our marriage was dull and unexciting. He says the relationship he is in is very passionate. The woman he is seeing is also married and has been separated from her husband for a long time. I have been praying for him constantly but nothing has worked. I know that God is working in my life but I don't understand why he refuses to come back to the marriage. I told him that I would never try and work things out with him as long as he is seeing another woman so he said that he wouldn't stop seeing her so right now I don't know what to do. I am frustrated, angry and unhappy. I continue to pray for him and I ask God to remove my anger and bitterness. I don't know what else to do since he refuses to come back. Actually, he did say he would come back but if he did it would only be out of obligation and because of finances. He is struggling keeping the mortgage payments, etc. going at our house and also at the place he is staying. I told him I didn't want him to come back because of those reasons. I told him I wanted him to come back because he is committed to the marriage and wants to work things out. He is not willing to even try. I would just like to talk to someone about what I am going through and to see if there is anyone out there in cyberspace who has gone through what I am going through. BTW, my husband is 57 years old. At first I thought it was just a midlife crisis or just a fling but it has gone on for 9months and it doesn't look like it's going to end. I am trying to go on with my life as best I can but it is so hard. I need prayer and more prayer. I know that all things are possible with God.
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Hi Lillie
I'm not married and I still have the fairy tale happily ever after idea of marriage, so i'm no help in terms of advice but i'll keep you in my prayers, may God bless and heal you
and welcome to TheNet
Thank you for the reply. You can still have the fairy tale marriage that you are dreaming of. God has a plan for your life just as he has for me. Thank you for your prayer. I am getting stronger every day.
Hi Lillie
I am praying for you and your husband. I have experienced infidelity in my own marriage and am still dealing with anger and trust issues with my husband. We are still together and it has been 2 years since he cheated (also a woman at work), but I still sometimes have get on my knees and let God remind me that he loves me and will give me peace.
I think that satan knows where our husbands weaknesses lie and sad to say it but usually it is in this area, the bedroom. He will strike when our marraiges are at a weak point, an all time low, he will use these women who have no respect for themselves or the wives in the situation. The particular woman that my husband was with was not only not a believer but was into the occult. I firmly believe that had my husband not been a Christian that she would have tried to get him involved as well.
Anyway, all that to say this, I suggest that you continue to pray that the Lord strengthen your husband's relationship with him and with you and give him a desire to make the right choice, which is of course to be with his wife. In the meantime, always remember that you are not alone, you are married now and forevermore to Jesus! He will never leave you nor forsake you, I hope you can take comfort in his words and pray that you find peace in the midst of this storm!
Love in Christ
Misty
Dear Misty,

Thanks so much for taking the time to write me and for your prayers. My husband has been with this woman for 9 months and you are right that she has no respect for herself to get involved with a married man. I have talked to my husband until I am "blue in the face" and he refuses to listen. He says he is happy where he is now. I am now leaving him in God's hands and I will continue to pray for him. He is not a practicing Christian even though he was raised in the church. He hasn't been in a church in years. I am praying for his salvation because that is the only way that Satan will take his release him. I get strength from the Lord everyday. That is why I am just taking it a day at a time. It's good to hear from someone who has been where I am now. It makes me not give up hope. I keep saying that this is going to be over with and I will have a testimony to declare God's goodness and I still believe it.

God bless you and your family,


Lillie
I have faith in God that he can work out all things. I am in a difficult situation right now and it is painful but I believe in God and I trust him. I will pray for you that God will strengthen you and give you the healing that you so desperately need.

Prayerfully,


Lillie
HI Lillie Walls
Thank you so much for sharing...I hold tight to Foot Prints in the Sand and the Serenity Prayer.
I so understand your pain, and struggle daily myself with a husband who will not return to the marriage...I pray to God ALWAYS and leave it to Him. I can do nothing.,..Iam so weak, I cry alot and pray that God keeps me moving forward. I have no words of wisdom because I am so lost in my own darkness right now but I will keep my faith that God has a wonderful plan for me. God bless you dear. I am so glad God brought you "into The Net" with us. It is the best place on earth (outside of my Church family) that I have ever found.
Your sister in God's Love,
Rori
Hi Lillie and Rory, I'm at a loss too, as my wife walked out as well, and she a Christian Woman, and those that helped from the Church! I've been to see her a few times but she ends up demanding her list be fulfilled, so I don't know, maybe a mental illness thing. I get a lot of comfort from Job. Yours in ChristStephen Heatley.
Hi Rori,

I have been where you are...crying all the time....feeling sorry for myself. I know that God has plan for my life as well as yours and that he is working it out right now. I will not stop believing because I know that nothing is impossible for God. God is changing me in ways that I never thought possible. I am no longer in darkness but have been brought to the light through my spiritual relationship with the Lord. I invite you to find wisdom and understanding in God's Word. He will get you through the terrible storms and plant your feet on higher ground. Don't stop praying and believing. I will pray for you too.

Yours in Christ,


Lillie
Thanks Lillie,
As I read your messasge, God spoke to me and said "Baby Steps" One of my character defects we speak of in recovery. I forget this alot. I love God so much and KNOW He is always here for me (even when I get too scared or too busy to hear Him) it is usually the FEELING Him with me that I sometimes have trouble with, if that makes any sense. I am working on softening my hardened heart because that is ultimately what God wants isn't it??? My heart??
Hi Rori,

You are right. God does want your heart but he also wants you to love him with all your heart, soul, strength and mind. Trust him and he will help you. You need to put him first in your life and you won't have time to feel sorry for yourself. You will be led by God's Spirit and you will be praising him all the time for all his goodness and all his blessings. I know you are hurting but God can heal your hurts and he can bring you out of the depths of despair. With God all things are possible. Believe me, I have been where you are.
lillie walls
remember if you i doing some thing good, god always watching you,ther`s no any problem tha god can not solve it. i,m telling you that,keep praying god always hear you prayer,one of the day,you ll see you husband back. i`m praying for you in case of our problem we hahe. god bless you
and welcom to the Net
Hi Lillie,
While reading your story I thought someone put my story in here, I was also married for 38 years, I came home one day my husband and his clothes were gone, we were married at the age of 14, I had never been alone, we had 2 grown daughters and 5 grandchildren, I hoped he would come back home, he had another woman in his life also, someone so very different than myself, It has been 5 years, I sometimes still wish he would come home. He does not see his children or grandchildren anymore, his friend stole my identidy and ruiend my credut, however she was charged with a feloney. My heart still and probably will forever ache and want what I had, but I need top remember what I had is no longer, he is not the same person, so what we need to do is remember it's what we had not what they are now, we don't want that. My heart is with you.
I will pray that you may heal somewhat, because we never get over someone that we were with this long.
God Bless you. Remember we are strong because we have to be.
Judy

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