All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Rejection Again. Next up?
So, having my heart crushed isn't bad enough. Now one of my best friends needs a "break" from me. With all of this stuff going on with my ex, she feels "bitter" and "unhappy" when she's around me. I drain her. I guess I was wrong when I thought one of the pros of having close friends is being able to lean on them in times of weakness. I know I've been depressed and I brought this heartache on myself and I'm sure I'm not one of the most pleasant people to be around when I'm feeling down in the dumps, but she's vented to me about frustrations in her life too. I didn't bail out on her. And ironically, she's my only "Christian" friend. Last friend I thought who would bail out on me. I'm just at the point where I feel rejected/unloved/unwanted blah, blah, blah. I know there are tons of people out there fighting harder battles and my problems are miniscule, but none the less, I feel like crap and would love nothing more than to disappear. I feel so alone. I know everyone goes through crap, but I'm to the point where I'm going to learn to not feel anymore. To not care. If they can send a man to outer space, surely I can learn to manipulate the chemicals in my brain or to alter the pattern of my emotions. I gotta do something because I'm too weak to deal with the emotions of rejection and loneliness anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm not getting any stronger by "working through it." It sucks every single time.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by a servant (Chris) on
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Kayla
As you shared, ".... I know everyone goes through crap..." that is true enough. Yet, right now for you it may be the hardest thing you have ever gone through. I would offer these suggestion. First forgive your friend. Continue to Lean on the Lord. You have as it seems, few distractions right now. In the way of others telling you things. Sister know and Believe He has nor will He Ever Leave you. You are To Important to Him. You are part of the Family of God. So, we will share this burden with you. Some will Pray and not have time to share with you, or other reasons. Others will be able to tell you, "Kayla we are with you." "We will lift you up, and share what we are lead to.
You are not wrong about what friends are for. If it be any comfort, I have but a few friends, and only one best friend. We do not always know why out path takes turns as it does and will. Trust and Know who God is for you. How much He Loves you, and wants to Protect and He does. People will always let us down. We will let others down. We are human. However, as you have also shared, she is a Sister in the Lord. I am sure it has be very devastating. I am sorry for the pain you are gong through. I will Pray and lift you up in my Prayers. Not to brag only to let you know, you are not alone.
May the Lord Bless You in such a Powerful Way.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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Boy, do I know that feeling -- the one of wanting to disappear. Kayla, I am sorry your friend bailed on you. I pray soon you will see and know Jesus as He is -- your Lord and Savior, and your dearest Friend.
Love & Prayers
Amanda
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Kayla, rejection hurts. You're surely not alone in feeling the sting of it. My hope is that you will find your worth in Christ...because as Chris has already wisely said "People will always let us down. We will let others down. We are human"
Jesus will never let you down. My hope is that you will spend time in prayer asking the Lord to fill that emply void that is hurting so deeply right now. I'm sorry that you were hurt by your friend... I pray that you will know the Lords comfort and love. I pray that you will have His wisdom to learn to deal with situations and circumstances that come up that will hurt you--there will be many in this life. I pray that you will experience the power of His forgiveness towards her.
Please also consider that your friend may be going through difficulties of her own right now that she is not ready to speak about. Perhaps she's got her own struggles she is trying to work through.... When you get together again, perhaps you can suggest that you will spend some time praying together and reading scripture together. You can be a wonderful encouragement for oneanother through these difficulties..sharing eachothers burdens. Bless you Kayla.
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Permalink Reply by Kayla on
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Thanks Amanda and Carla. I'm going to start going back to church to see if I can feel anything. I'm open. I want to feel everything that the bible says I will feel when I have Christ in my heart. Once again, it's the problem of believing first. I wish I had no doubt in my heart that the God in the Christian bible is the truth, is real. If I believed in Him, the advice from everyone on this site would be so much more real to me. That's why I'm going to go back to church. If He is real, maybe something will click or be shown to me once I open up all my doors.
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Kayla,
There is a false teaching in the church which teaches that a person must 'feel' something in order to be saved. I'm not sure what you are looking to feel... please just be very careful regarding this. Our belief and trust in the Lord is not based on 'feelings'...but rather, it is based on the truth of who Jesus is. When I came to the Lord, it was like I saw Him Spiritually for the first time---there was an element of 'feeling'....but it was secondary to my spiritual eyesight being opened...my heart was opened and I saw a glimpse of who Jesus is. It was the right amount of light that came through the darkness that He was able to flood in the darkness of my soul. Just like a small candle lights up a room where darkness has invaded the space... Jesus invades your spirit and soul in much the same way. He wants to eventually fill the entire space and flood His light everywhere..into every dark corner of us....That is the process of sanctification which is lifelong---we'll talk about that later.
My prayer is that you will see a glimpse of who He is, and repent of your sins and believe that He is the only One who can save you. In Matthew 5, Jesus says 'Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.'... Take a minute and think what it might mean to be 'poor in spirit'. repeat it to yourself a few' times out loud.. Poor in Spirit... POOR in spirit. poor in SPIRIT. what do you think this means? Keep in mind that to be 'poor' means that you (we) have little or nothing to offer...it is often a bankruptcy.
That is why I said that you will die in your sins; for unless you believe that I AM who I claim to be, you will die in your sins." John 8:24 (Jesus speaking)
I'm happy to hear you are going back to church. :-)
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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on
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Kayla,
Some of us don't learn until we get to the end of the road. You seemed to be like many of us were and still at times fall into being. Is not until we tried everything else, not until all my possibilities are exhausted; all the logic I can come up with, research and find has done me no permanent good that I might then look up to the heavens and ask the only one that can change us, to save us. It is not until I am through trying to save myself that I am at a place where I turn my attention to the one that I should have looked at from the get go, but we are knuckle heads, we are a rebellious and stubborn people who do not seek God until we are broken and we seek him then, only because He is seeking us. So it is good that we are broken and full of Godly sorrow and not worldly one.
I remember you coming on this site a while back with what seemed a sincere desire to know God and I am in no way saying that you were not sincere in your search, only God and you know the intentions of your heart, but unless we repent and receive Christ as our Lord and savior all our attempts at religion will fail us. I have done what your friend did to you when God tells me to do it; I have left people alone that God tells me to leave alone. You are in a good place, you are getting close I hope to coming to the end of your road. You need to examine yourself, examine your confession of faith to see if indeed you are a child of God, if you are not, you are not, but you can come now - repent of your sins and receive Christ as Lord.
“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. – Isaiah 1:18
Religion cannot save you or anyone. Your logic, intellect etc... Cannot saved you, Christ can work through all those faculties, but they cannot saved you by themselves. God must regenerate you, make you knew, a new creation through the born again experience. Have you ever changed, not out of will power, not out of you trying hard, but because the Spirit of the Lord resides in you and you and Him are one? You must examine your confession of faith and if you find that you need to repent for your sins, than repent. If you are born again, be reconcile to God and turn from your ways, to his.
Blessings friend
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Thanks for the response David. I am sincere in saying that I want to feel God. I want God to be real and I want a relationship with Him. I guess for me, it's like someone handing me a book and telling me to believe everything in the book because they do. Because in the book, it's says it's the truth. I guess I just need to keep doing my research and go to church and get involved and find that "proof" I've been searching for and needing to fully come to Christ. I didn't want it to be that I came to God because I've exhausted all of my other options for hope and peace. I wanted to say I came to Him because I believe and I want a relationship. Not because I'm afraid and desperate.
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Kayla - God is seeking you, hence in some level you have a desire for him. But we do not come to God under our own terms, but by doing what He has established as the way to himself. We must be born again. Our faith is true, not because millions of people believe it, but because our faith is founded in facts, facts that are rooted in evidence, both exterior and interior evidence. God works through our intellect and persuades it, but is not until we do what He requires of us to do to be born again that we can see. If someone handed me a book and told me to believe it just because or because the book states is the truth. I would most likely toss it and laugh. But if the book gave clear instruction on how to be able to comprehend the book and see if it what it states is true or not, than I would have to come to a point where I have to make a decision: either I do what the book says to do, to see if there is any truth in the instructions it gave me or I put it down and think that I already tried that book and it didn't work without following the instructions that would have made that book come alive. In order for the bible to be seen by human, unregenerate eyes by what it truly is; the living Word of God, a person must be born again. There is absolutly nothing wrong with coming to God because we are desperate and afraid, not everyone receives Christ in the same manner, but however you come, just come. May God change your heart, may He renew it, may you see, repent of your sins and believe, is my prayer for you.
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Okay, I never looked at it that way. I need to dive into the book to find the truth because by becoming involved with it, the evidence will manifest before my eyes. That will be some of the "evidence" I have been looking for, along with the historical significance and facts that are also documented and stored.
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Permalink Reply by Stephen King on
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Kayla,
As my Brother David says, the beginning of seeing evidence is being born again. Just as our Lord told Necodemus on that night: "I tell you the truth, no-one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again". The evidence you desire to see are some of the things the bible calls "the fruit of the Spirit", and they pertain to the kingdom of God. These things are spiritual and they can only be experienced by those who are spiritual. The entry point is accepting Christ. As for one having been born of believing parents, well, one is covered by their faith up to the time that one is able to make responsible decisions. Then one is required to to make a personal decision for Christ. Jesus, as a man, took that step when He was 12 yrs of age. So you can make a personal decision today, then the Father gives you the Spirit of the son, and the Lord will lead you from that moment on. You are not late.
Forgive me for seeming so overbearing, but then, you are very dear.
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