Genuine Love....

I know God loves me uncondtionally, no matter how many times I mess up and backslide. I know God will openly invite me back into his presence if I will just repent and ask forgiveness of my sins... I long to have a relationship with Jesus christ based on good-intentions, not just using him because I need a savior. I know Jesus came to this earth to save the human-race from their sins and death, but I don't want the only reason I come to him to be for that reason. I feel really selfish, and I also feel that God will not accept me because I do not have a genuine love for him, just a selfish-motive. I got saved about a year-ago because I was scared of what would happen to me if I didn't accept Jesus Christ as my savior, and that same fear has stuck with me since then. All I want is a genuine relationship based on un-selfish intention... I am a life-long backslider, I have been in the church since I was a kid, and never once have I been able to keep my relationship with God; I have rededicated my life so many times, God himself has lost count, lol. Sometimes I wonder if I was ever truly saved to begin with... I feel like i'm in bondage, I mean, I know salvation isn't about works, but I still can't help but feel like I have to do so much to stay in God's "good graces". I have let my relationship go, once again, because i'm not able to let go of my former life. I know I should pray constantly, and read my Bible, and keep a close relationship with Jesus, but i'm ashamed to say that it feels like an inconvenience to do these things each day. I know that sounded horrible, but that is the truth; I mean, if i'm saved, it shouldn't be a burden to me to do these things for the one who saved me, right? I am so confused and about to be in tears... I know God loves me no matter what, I just wish I could love him too... Sincerely love him.