I believe I don’t have what it takes to do anything well.
For two nights now I've had terrible nightmares.
In one, I was in a fiery furnace, and in another I attempted suicide.
I feel I'm not smart enough to do anything, anymore, and I'm so hard on myself when I don’t do things just right. I'm very dumb. I already know that.
My own critical inner voice is very destructive of me, all on its own, but I'm easily torn down by the words of others,… Continue
Added by Amanda on August 16, 2014 at 4:30pm —
I'm finding it difficult to focus on God's purpose for my life because, very simply, my purpose is to glorify Him in everything I do and think and say, but fulfilling that quest isn't very simple, for many things vie for that focus, such as old patterns of thinking and reacting, like seeking approval from others and remembering past failure and inadequacy, and my direction isn't clear. I just drift along, and, as if that isn't bad enough, I don't know how to rely on the Spirit to serve… Continue
Added by Amanda on August 9, 2014 at 10:30am —
Doors continue opening for me, seemingly almost effortlessly, as I pursue a position to help at the crisis center.
I have been scheduled for an important interview on Thursday, August 14, with the Counselor, Advocate, and Educator for four of the counties in the 17 county region where the organization offers services. We've spoken briefly by email, and, most likely, if it continues moving forward from that point, based on what she and I have discussed through email, then it's… Continue
Added by Amanda on August 2, 2014 at 6:30pm —
I want to begin this post with a warning. If you have been a victim of abuse or assault, reading the thoughts and feelings that I'm going to share in the next few paragraphs could trigger some of your own painful memories and feelings.
God has been working within me, giving me insight, and beginning to break some of my negative patterns.
I struggle with shame, guilt, and blame each time I remember some past experiences. It's a terrible cycle of pain, and I have felt like… Continue
Added by Amanda on August 1, 2014 at 5:30pm —
It's been ten days since I last posted in my blog. I've started the process of possibly working for a rape crisis center, and once completing all of the necessary training, I will be working directly with victims.
I've also been looking for a new church. My husband's work schedule makes it difficult to go on Sunday mornings. We were attending quite regularly, but we've had to practically re-arrange our lives since he changed jobs last December, and I don't want to attend… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 29, 2014 at 3:00am —
My husband and son have been away, on a "father/son bonding" road trip. It includes golfing and off-roading. Our son just recently turned 18. It's sort of a mutual birthday commemoration, I guess. Their birthdays are less than a month apart.
I went for a drive, yesterday. The sky and the countryside were both unusually scenic, displaying green hills with enormous cumulus clouds above, and I felt like God was purposely showing it to me.…
Added by Amanda on July 18, 2014 at 8:45am —
Today, my devotions included an article about having interdependent relationships. The members of the Body of Christ are interdependent versus independent and dependent. There are many "one another" passages in Scripture and to be equipped to do something for another requires independence (internal control and internal responsibility) and to be enabled to accept something from another requires dependence (having needs that must be met by others). This is interdependence,… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 15, 2014 at 4:30pm —
* To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
* To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another.
* To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
* To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
* To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.
* To "let go" is not to care… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 14, 2014 at 9:00am —
I heard the words in my heart, “Keep rowing. I’m with you in the storm.”
I was reading Mark 6:30-56 (NIV). The disciples had spent the day sitting at the feet of Jesus but it says “their hearts were hardened” (v.52) and although they had watched Jesus feed 5000 with five loaves and two fish, they had not understood.
Jesus made them get into a boat and go on ahead of Him while He dismissed the crowd (v. 45). Then “He went up on a mountainside to pray”… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 6, 2014 at 12:35pm —
I suppose not everyone battles the temptation to become discouraged. I battle it. At times I even believe that some would rather I did end it all, and I think, to some, it wouldn't matter, either, if I became completely discouraged from following God, because I mean nothing to them. My life has no value.
Psalm 119:114 says, "You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word" (NKJV).
When you are afraid, you seek a hiding place and a protective shield.
Added by Amanda on July 4, 2014 at 12:00am —
Added by Amanda on June 29, 2014 at 6:00pm —
On the property just across the road from my home, the owner keeps goats. He doesn't live on the property but stops by every morning and evening to care for them.
I have to laugh at the goats. They are comical. Several times I've heard distressful bleating and have gone to the rescue because one of them… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 27, 2014 at 11:30am —
The Pit, Author Unknown To Me
A man fell into a pit and could not get himself out.
A Subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down there in that pit."
An Objective person came along and said, "It’s logical that someone would have fallen down into that pit."
A Christian Scientist came along and said, "You only think you’re in the pit."
A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into the pit."
A Newspaper Reporter wanted… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 24, 2014 at 6:00pm —
Recently, someone asked in the forum: "Do you ever reflect or evaluate how you're doing in your walk with God?"
I replied: Constantly. I long for my walk to be strengthened and to draw closer to God. I think it's important to devote time in reading and studying Scripture and in prayer. The most difficult part is implementing what I learn. I want to do good works out of transformation and not simply out of choice based on duty and guilt. Transformation involves a heart that is made… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 23, 2014 at 10:00am —
My life was never self-centered.
From childhood into adulthood, my focus was to please others and to deny my own needs and wants, and my relationship with God was the same way.
I think I've earned the right, now, to be self centered and selfish, and I really don't care what others think of me for saying it.
Why should I care?
When others spend time finding fault with me for my problems and shortcomings, why should it bother me?
It really… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 22, 2014 at 2:50pm —
Added by Amanda on June 18, 2014 at 2:00pm —
I used to think that it was impossible to forgive someone who has hurt me when the person doesn't ask for it.
Everything I've read about forgiveness in Scriptures points towards asking for it, including while being wronged seventy-seven times or seventy times seven.
How odd it has always seemed to me that forgiveness could ever truly be forgiveness when someone hurts you but refuses to apologize, and the relationship isn't repaired and nothing ever changes for the… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 16, 2014 at 11:00am —
Added by Amanda on June 10, 2014 at 2:30pm —
I believe it isn't wrong to ask someone for an apology, but it makes you feel very vulnerable and opens you up to receiving even more hurt from the person.
When I feel hurt, I'm tempted to retaliate and, many times, I will, and I haven't always been this way but I've lost trust in almost all people, and, although my spirit is new and alive, God is still working in my soul, renewing my mind, changing me, and, now, I've reached the place where I want to know when my words and actions… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 8, 2014 at 12:00pm —
Why does God allow life to be so difficult that it makes it hard to trust and believe the way the Bible calls us to trust and believe?
Some have stated that He does it to teach us to rely on Him and not on ourselves.
I feel, in my own heart, or, so it seems to me, that I am… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 5, 2014 at 8:00pm —