All About GOD

All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

Amanda's Blog (314)

Are You watching from above?

Do you need a little grace? Forgiveness? Understanding? Are you lost in your own grieving, feeling as if you may be hurting worse than anyone even though you know it's impossible to know how much others are hurting? But the same is true of you, too. No one else would know your pain. 

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” It's easy to say, "That's what we have to do," especially… Continue

Added by Amanda on February 10, 2016 at 12:00pm — No Comments

No one deserves that kind of suffering!

I understand the temptation to think God is cruel. 

I've wrestled with it often, having suffered from childhood abuse and neglect, humiliating assault, anxiety and depression as an adult survivor, illness and many other painful experiences and losses. 

Most recently, I was tempted to question God after my oldest sister was diagnosed with incurable, inoperable lung cancer that had quickly spread throughout her body before ever being detected. 

The treatment for… Continue

Added by Amanda on February 5, 2016 at 1:30pm — No Comments

No one can say it's not really so bad

She had a beautiful funeral, my sister. I was glad to get the opportunity to watch it, and a holiness minister, whom my mother requested to officiate, gave a wonderful message about Jesus raising Lazarus. He said we can talk about God all we want but when we mention Jesus, that's when people start becoming offended. But, he said, he was living to praise Jesus everyday for all that Jesus has done for him. Then he told about a future promise being fulfilled one day of Jesus coming back and… Continue

Added by Amanda on February 1, 2016 at 1:00pm — 4 Comments

I haven't said goodbye

One of the childhood memories I have of my oldest sister is of her singing and reciting songs and nursery rhymes to me, such as There's a hole in the bottom of the sea, There's a hole in the bottom of the sea, There's a log on the hole in the bottom of the sea, There's a log on the hole in the bottom of the sea, There's a bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea ... and Do Lord, O, do Lord, O do remember me

Do Lord, O, do Lord, O do remember me

Do Lord, O, do Lord, O do… Continue

Added by Amanda on January 23, 2016 at 10:30am — 7 Comments

Take her hand and make Yourself known, Lord

My youngest sister has been sharing her grief with me for our oldest sister whose health is deteriorating day by day by day.

Last night she contacted me, saying our oldest sister has gotten much worse. "She can't turn side to side now and is having pain. She's also had a few outbursts of agitation, raising her arms to heaven and screaming that she can't take this anymore; crying hysterically. She's on oxygen now."

Yesterday was the birthday of my youngest sister's late… Continue

Added by Amanda on January 11, 2016 at 1:24pm — No Comments

Will I feel His joy?

It's winter.

Drabby, gloomy, colorless winter.

And I'm in the doldrums.

And I know that feeling down in the doldrums is common for many this time of year.

I saw it as I sat in the food court at the mall last night. I noticed that there was quite a bit of difference between the present atmosphere and the one that was there before Christmas.

Technically, it's still Yuletide since the twelve days of Christmas run from Christmas Day to January… Continue

Added by Amanda on January 4, 2016 at 11:00am — No Comments

Lord, bring your hope, truth, and light into my darkness.

When you're going through difficult things, it can seem that God is anything but your shelter from the storm or your victor -- the one who defeats the enemy -- or surely, if God were, you wouldn't be suffering in these ways.

Yet, Jesus said we'd have troubles while living in the world.

But for some reason having all the troubles often makes me think that God isn't really with me and then hopelessness sets in.

You see, I know that those who are spiritually dead… Continue

Added by Amanda on December 24, 2015 at 8:30am — No Comments

What do I need to say?

When there is sorrow in your life, it's difficult to go on with your usual everyday routine and even more challenging to become involved in celebrating a special holiday season like Christmas.

I decided to keep things very simple this year.

I set out a few decorations, aiming just to…


Added by Amanda on December 21, 2015 at 2:00pm — No Comments

How do you keep going when you least feel like it?

The holidays this year seem to be triggering my anxiety and depression even more than usually.

It feels like my brain and my body aren't working together.

I can't seem to accomplish very much.

I feel as if I'm moving in slow motion.

Everything I do seems to require too much energy and trouble, and it all seems purposeless and meaningless, anyway.

This year, I have no interest even in doing the minimal holiday celebrations that I've managed… Continue

Added by Amanda on December 10, 2015 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Running away from the problems

I think my childhood was filled with overwhelming negative experiences. What I mean by "think" is that it's my perspective, the way I remember and see it. Many of my physical needs went unmet and the people in my life -- my parents and older siblings and other family members -- were hardly able to meet any of my emotional needs due to their own histories themselves.

I suffered from abuse and neglect.

However, almost everyone says it's possible to heal from childhood… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 29, 2015 at 9:00am — 4 Comments

How am I going to do it this time?

Things keep coming at me out of nowhere, and they're devastating events, not just small annoyances like the kind that can ruin your day or your mood. They are serious things that involve intense helplessness and fear, and I'm not like other people when it comes to being able to bounce back after terrible events or situations happen. With me, after they happen, for some reason, I'm not able to return to feeling and living like I did before they happened. Most people can make that adjustment, or,… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 21, 2015 at 5:30pm — No Comments

How do you stop caring?

It says, Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7, Berean Study Bible).

But how do you stop caring? To cast means to throw forcefully in a specified direction.

I don't do that. I never have. Have you? I've gently laid things down at His feet. I've spoken gingerly, saying, Here, will you please take these cares, these worries, this angst?

And so many cares, so many worries, so much angst.

For family, for others, for myself,… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 18, 2015 at 5:30am — No Comments

Sometimes life doesn't seem worth living.

There are times when I feel life isn't worth living, and I long to fall asleep and never wake up again.

I've been told that such thoughts are common and I'm not alone.

If it's true, I think it's sad that so many know this kind of mental pain.

I don't want to feel the way I do and keep longing for a way out of the hole of depression.

It's hard to keep going when you know all you have to look forward to is more of the same. More loss of loved ones. More… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 3, 2015 at 2:26am — No Comments

How do you relinquish the need for control?

Have you felt as if your life is cursed, as if you are cursed?

At times I feel as if God has chosen for me to be at the mercy of many things in my life that have gone wrong, at the mercy of illness, and at the mercy of people to be abused, assaulted, or injured physically, emotionally, mentally, and verbally, and for me to always feel helpless and vulnerable, struggling with the need to be in control.

I keep looking for ways to regain control of my life.

This… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 1, 2015 at 8:30am — No Comments

Everything just needs to stop.


Added by Amanda on October 1, 2015 at 1:30pm — No Comments

The darkest day in my life

The autumn equinox has passed and fall has arrived in this hemisphere. Although it's my favorite time of year, as far as weather and nature go, it's the anniversary of a day I'll never forget, even though I don't remember it very clearly, either. It was the darkest day in my life, and the day I gave up and…


Added by Amanda on September 26, 2015 at 9:30am — 5 Comments

"He really sees me. He gets it."

Sometimes I look into the eyes of strangers, to see if they will acknowledge me, give me a smile or say hello.

I could be wrong, but I think most people want others to really see them and to not be dismissive of them, and they want to not feel the sting of judgment in their eyes, reflecting back to them, but to find there, instead, understanding and acceptance of who they are, of the way they look, and so forth.

Sometimes I think, wouldn't it be great if everyone could… Continue

Added by Amanda on September 20, 2015 at 6:00pm — No Comments

God, keep me going forward.

If it wasn't sweater weather the last time I posted a blog entry, it is definitely time for it, now, at least in the mornings and the evenings, when I sit outside on the patio.

The high today was forecast as 79, but this morning it was only 57, although it turned out to be a pleasant afternoon, warm and sunny and clear. Tonight's low is 48. As I write this, it's nearing sunset, and the temperatures will gradually fall from then on.

When I sit on the patio, I have a great… Continue

Added by Amanda on September 14, 2015 at 4:00pm — No Comments

No one wants to hear about the bad

People readily say it, that God will bring good out of sad or bad things. …


Added by Amanda on September 7, 2015 at 5:30pm — 4 Comments

This life really gets to me

I've been seeing the first hints of autumn--leaves changing colors and falling to the ground--but it definitely isn't time for sweaters. The high today was forecast as 90 and it's been a muggy afternoon.

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the bursts of colors, the orange, gold, and russet hues,…


Added by Amanda on September 6, 2015 at 12:00pm — No Comments

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