The autumn equinox has passed and fall has arrived in this hemisphere. Although it's my favorite time of year, as far as weather and nature go, it's the anniversary of a day I'll never forget, even though I don't remember it very clearly, either. It was the darkest day in my life, and the day I gave up and…
Sometimes I look into the eyes of strangers, to see if they will acknowledge me, give me a smile or say hello.
I could be wrong, but I think most people want others to really see them and to not be dismissive of them, and they want to not feel the sting of judgment in their eyes, reflecting back to them, but to find there, instead, understanding and acceptance of who they are, of the way they look, and so forth.
Sometimes I think, wouldn't it be great if everyone could… Continue
Added by Amanda on September 20, 2015 at 6:00pm —
If it wasn't sweater weather the last time I posted a blog entry, it is definitely time for it, now, at least in the mornings and the evenings, when I sit outside on the patio.
The high today was forecast as 79, but this morning it was only 57, although it turned out to be a pleasant afternoon, warm and sunny and clear. Tonight's low is 48. As I write this, it's nearing sunset, and the temperatures will gradually fall from then on.
I've been seeing the first hints of autumn--leaves changing colors and falling to the ground--but it definitely isn't time for sweaters. The high today was forecast as 90 and it's been a muggy afternoon.
Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the bursts of colors, the orange, gold, and russet hues,…
The article was about adults who have survived child abuse, and it said, "Children who are abused internalise profoundly negative messages about themselves, their place in the world and other people" Briere & Scott (2006).
It continued, "These negative messages often persist into…
When I feel insecure, the only thing that helps me is to receive reassurance, but I don't always receive it. In fact, it seems like I seldom do and like I only end up focusing even more on my worries, and then, the more uncertainty I face, the less I want to do anything, and the less I want to engage in life. It…
The other day, as he and I were discussing angst, a friend of mine reminded me of Mark Twain's humorous quote: "I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
I laughed, but seriously, angst is a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, and I suffer through it almost everyday. One of my biggest and most ingrained faults is that I imagine possibilities and scenarios that don't exist but could happen, and I worry about them happening, and that's a main… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 25, 2015 at 10:30am —
“Your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4).
Long ago, I memorized Psalm 23, as I'm sure nearly every Christian has, and sometimes I pray through it, along with the Lord's Prayer, and, today, I've been thinking about verse 4, and wondering in what ways sheep are comforted by a shepherd's rod. I think I can understand how a staff might bring comfort to them, but the word rod makes me think of punishment ... beatings.
A few days ago, while I was in the stationary and greeting card section of a store and looking through the cards of sympathy, trying to find one with an appropriate message to send to my mother and another one for my sister in law, I noticed that the same bible verse kept appearing repetitively on a great many of the cards.
"Blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted."
The cards all seemed to be making the statement, more or less, that those that mourn shall… Continue
Added by Amanda on July 13, 2015 at 11:00am —
My older brother, who has chronic progressive liver disease, is in the ICU of a University Hospital in Ohio. He's been there since early yesterday morning, and, at first, the news was that he is in kidney failure but stable on life support and receiving dialysis.
Throughout the pages of this blog, I have shared my true journey in life, which began as a helpless child who was raised in abject poverty and who was violated, neglected, and abused—physically, emotionally, and sexually— and who has continued as an adult to gradually move forward while suffering from many problems that are common to those who have been abused as children but that are nonetheless painful and severe.
In fact, the problems can be so severe for some people that they can… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 21, 2015 at 7:00pm —
Always, I have so much angst, and I'm sure it's linked to childhood in many ways, one of which is a trickle down effect from my parents being anxious, and then, of course, their behavior provoked anxiety in me, but I think anxiety is caused by both genes and the environment. It's not an either/or, but, if the environment can be controlled, then children won't become anxious just due to their genes.
Unfortunately, children can't do much about their environment or their… Continue
Added by Amanda on June 17, 2015 at 6:30pm —
Since moving, I feel weird in a way that's difficult to describe and everything seems foreign to me. I've heard that moves can be jarring, and I've moved a total of eight times in my lifetime, counting leaving my childhood home, which was the one other time that I moved to another state, like this time, but none of the times do I remember ever feeling this way -- a weird way that I can't quite define.
I've hurt my left shoulder and arm while moving. It feels like pulled muscles and… Continue
Once, I did a bible study by Jeffrey S. Forrey called, "There Still Are Reasons For Hope." He is a biblical counselor, and it was about the causes of hopelessness, and he said that one reason it happens to us is that we become more concerned about present happiness/comfort than about living for the glory of God.
I'm sure it's very true, but I find that it's hard to live for God's glory alone, as your purpose for existing, when people are picking on you, belittling and ridiculing you… Continue