All About GOD

All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

Amanda's Blog (304)

How am I going to do it this time?

Things keep coming at me out of nowhere, and they're devastating events, not just small annoyances like the kind that can ruin your day or your mood. They are serious things that involve intense helplessness and fear, and I'm not like other people when it comes to being able to bounce back after terrible events or situations happen. With me, after they happen, for some reason, I'm not able to return to feeling and living like I did before they happened. Most people can make that adjustment, or,… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 21, 2015 at 5:30pm — No Comments

How do you stop caring?

It says, Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7, Berean Study Bible).

But how do you stop caring? To cast means to throw forcefully in a specified direction.

I don't do that. I never have. Have you? I've gently laid things down at His feet. I've spoken gingerly, saying, Here, will you please take these cares, these worries, this angst?

And so many cares, so many worries, so much angst.

For family, for others, for myself,… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 18, 2015 at 5:30am — No Comments

Sometimes life doesn't seem worth living.

There are times when I feel life isn't worth living, and I long to fall asleep and never wake up again.

I've been told that such thoughts are common and I'm not alone.

If it's true, I think it's sad that so many know this kind of mental pain.

I don't want to feel the way I do and keep longing for a way out of the hole of depression.

It's hard to keep going when you know all you have to look forward to is more of the same. More loss of loved ones. More… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 3, 2015 at 2:26am — No Comments

How do you relinquish the need for control?

Have you felt as if your life is cursed, as if you are cursed?

At times I feel as if God has chosen for me to be at the mercy of many things in my life that have gone wrong, at the mercy of illness, and at the mercy of people to be abused, assaulted, or injured physically, emotionally, mentally, and verbally, and for me to always feel helpless and vulnerable, struggling with the need to be in control.

I keep looking for ways to regain control of my life.

This… Continue

Added by Amanda on November 1, 2015 at 8:30am — No Comments

Everything just needs to stop.


Added by Amanda on October 1, 2015 at 1:30pm — No Comments

The darkest day in my life

The autumn equinox has passed and fall has arrived in this hemisphere. Although it's my favorite time of year, as far as weather and nature go, it's the anniversary of a day I'll never forget, even though I don't remember it very clearly, either. It was the darkest day in my life, and the day I gave up and…


Added by Amanda on September 26, 2015 at 9:30am — 5 Comments

"He really sees me. He gets it."

Sometimes I look into the eyes of strangers, to see if they will acknowledge me, give me a smile or say hello.

I could be wrong, but I think most people want others to really see them and to not be dismissive of them, and they want to not feel the sting of judgment in their eyes, reflecting back to them, but to find there, instead, understanding and acceptance of who they are, of the way they look, and so forth.

Sometimes I think, wouldn't it be great if everyone could… Continue

Added by Amanda on September 20, 2015 at 6:00pm — No Comments

God, keep me going forward.

If it wasn't sweater weather the last time I posted a blog entry, it is definitely time for it, now, at least in the mornings and the evenings, when I sit outside on the patio.

The high today was forecast as 79, but this morning it was only 57, although it turned out to be a pleasant afternoon, warm and sunny and clear. Tonight's low is 48. As I write this, it's nearing sunset, and the temperatures will gradually fall from then on.

When I sit on the patio, I have a great… Continue

Added by Amanda on September 14, 2015 at 4:00pm — No Comments

No one wants to hear about the bad

People readily say it, that God will bring good out of sad or bad things. …


Added by Amanda on September 7, 2015 at 5:30pm — 4 Comments

This life really gets to me

I've been seeing the first hints of autumn--leaves changing colors and falling to the ground--but it definitely isn't time for sweaters. The high today was forecast as 90 and it's been a muggy afternoon.

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the bursts of colors, the orange, gold, and russet hues,…


Added by Amanda on September 6, 2015 at 12:00pm — No Comments

Almost as if it had never happened

The article was about adults who have survived child abuse, and it said, "Children who are abused internalise profoundly negative messages about themselves, their place in the world and other people" Briere & Scott (2006).

It continued, "These negative messages often persist into…


Added by Amanda on August 26, 2015 at 8:30am — No Comments

I can't answer that.

When I feel insecure, the only thing that helps me is to receive reassurance, but I don't always receive it. In fact, it seems like I seldom do and like I only end up focusing even more on my worries, and then, the more uncertainty I face, the less I want to do anything, and the less I want to engage in life. It…


Added by Amanda on August 7, 2015 at 2:30pm — No Comments

I can't do what I used to do.

Yesterday was my first day out and about on my own. I had Siri with me, of course. I can use her to get directions from maps on my iPhone.

However, Apple maps aren't always so right and on target for navigation.

For instance, Siri will sometimes take you in circles or lead you to the back door of…


Added by Amanda on July 29, 2015 at 6:00am — No Comments

I must become less.

The other day, as he and I were discussing angst, a friend of mine reminded me of Mark Twain's humorous quote: "I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

I laughed, but seriously, angst is a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, and I suffer through it almost everyday. One of my biggest and most ingrained faults is that I imagine possibilities and scenarios that don't exist but could happen, and I worry about them happening, and that's a main… Continue

Added by Amanda on July 25, 2015 at 10:30am — No Comments

I don't want to be forgotten by God.

“Your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4).

Long ago, I memorized Psalm 23, as I'm sure nearly every Christian has, and sometimes I pray through it, along with the Lord's Prayer, and, today, I've been thinking about verse 4, and wondering in what ways sheep are comforted by a shepherd's rod. I think I can understand how a staff might bring comfort to them, but the word rod makes me think of punishment ... beatings.

I've read that the rod is a weapon…


Added by Amanda on July 19, 2015 at 8:00pm — No Comments

Where's home for you?

It still isn't feeling like home, but I'm making at least some bit of progress in becoming more acclimated to my new surroundings.

I wonder how long it will take after moving here for it to feel like home?

I've unpacked all of the boxes and the bags, except for the ones containing all of the…


Added by Amanda on July 17, 2015 at 11:30am — No Comments

It's something we do alone ...

A few days ago, while I was in the stationary and greeting card section of a store and looking through the cards of sympathy, trying to find one with an appropriate message to send to my mother and another one for my sister in law, I noticed that the same bible verse kept appearing repetitively on a great many of the cards.

"Blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted."

The cards all seemed to be making the statement, more or less, that those that mourn shall… Continue

Added by Amanda on July 13, 2015 at 11:00am — No Comments

Did he know that he was loved?


Added by Amanda on July 2, 2015 at 10:00am — 12 Comments

All that really matters is if God is in the room.

My older brother, who has chronic progressive liver disease, is in the ICU of a University Hospital in Ohio. He's been there since early yesterday morning, and, at first, the news was that he is in kidney failure but stable on life support and receiving dialysis.

Later, his wife reported that he's…


Added by Amanda on July 1, 2015 at 9:30am — 1 Comment

I want to believe that I matter to God.

Throughout the pages of this blog, I have shared my true journey in life, which began as a helpless child who was raised in abject poverty and who was violated, neglected, and abused—physically, emotionally, and sexually— and who has continued as an adult to gradually move forward while suffering from many problems that are common to those who have been abused as children but that are nonetheless painful and severe.

In fact, the problems can be so severe for some people that they can… Continue

Added by Amanda on June 21, 2015 at 7:00pm — No Comments

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