I need to trust God more, that He is working in me according to His own purposes.
I have withdrawn from life because of the pain of living.
I have believed that I've deserved the hurtful experiences that have happened to me.
I have hated myself.
It shows in my thoughts.
"I deserve to feel pain when I make mistakes."
"I deserve it when I'm treated badly."
"Other people are better than me."
"I hurt… Continue
Added by Amanda on March 8, 2014 at 8:00pm —
Today was my day, again, for getting out of the house.
The weather was a little warmer, and the skies were clear and sunny, and after three… Continue
Added by Amanda on March 5, 2014 at 5:00pm —
I was saddened this morning when I checked my friends list and found your name missing. I would have left this following picture on your page in hopes of comforting you.
I'm writing this blog post just in case you check in on the site sometime in the next few days.
Added by Amanda on March 4, 2014 at 1:39pm —
It's cold, 18 °F, and Winter Storm Titan's wave of ice and snow showers has passed, leaving behind it an accumulation of several inches, and this morning's glare of bright sunlight was very reflective off of it, blinding, but also very misleading, as its rays were emanating no warmth and a bitterly harsh wind was blowing.
I praised God that I and my family were safe and warm.
I praised God for Who He is, His power and greatness, as I read through Psalm 135.
Added by Amanda on March 3, 2014 at 6:00pm —
At 7:30 a.m., the phone rang twice before the answering machine picked up the call. It was the pastor, calling to say church services have been cancelled for this morning due to severe weather conditions.
Friday's storm watch became a storm warning on Saturday. It's an ice storm for now, but expected to transition over into snow by Monday with ice and snow accumulating 5-8 inches. It's being called Winter Storm Titan, and it's cold, dark, and gloomy.
I know I've got to… Continue
Added by Amanda on March 2, 2014 at 8:30am —
It's clear and sunny, today, 41.0 °F, although we are presently under a winter storm watch. Freezing rain… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 28, 2014 at 3:30pm —
I have lost faith and trust in people. I must force myself, pressure myself to do things. I think now that suppressing bad memories is actually not a bad thing, and I wish I could return to that state of mind. Dwelling on negative experiences and the painful emotions they bring up will cause post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and depression, but it's too late now for me. What's done is done.
I set small goals and focus on what I can do. When Sunday comes, I want to go to… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 24, 2014 at 9:00pm —
It says He is not unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but it refers to the temptation to sin, and the next verse speaks of drawing near to the throne of grace for mercy, to find grace to help in time of need, and it looks like He has great sympathy for us in this respect and will help in time of temptation, provide a way out, won't let it be more than what is bearable, will help us stand up under it.
I'm referring to Hebrews 4:15-16, and I'm on a quest for truth. I want to have… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 22, 2014 at 7:30pm —
Maybe the thought has crossed your own mind and you've wondered where is God now, as I have wondered, feeling all alone, struggling with bad experiences hanging over me like thick, dark clouds, hiding God away from me.
Getting up in the morning hasn't seemed worthwhile in a long time and so far nothing has helped me face my fears.
Fear is what I'm struggling with most right now. Yet, I don't know what I'm afraid of.
It makes no sense, I agree, and it's… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 19, 2014 at 9:00pm —
Snowy weather returned last night and several inches blanketed the ground and trees by morning, making a stark contrast set against the blue sky.
Clouds were dissipating and the sun was out but it was still very cold, 26°F.
It's been one of those days when I can't seem to get warm.
My devotion today said to "speak the hard things from your heart to the Lord."
When you're depressed, you live by sight, and then life is a very cold and dark place, and… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 15, 2014 at 6:30pm —
Today, it felt like springtime, once again, and was a little cloudy, but very sunny, and the temperature was 35. Much of the snow was melting away, and I needed to go out, to run a few errands, since tomorrow's forecast is calling for another winter storm, somewhere between 2-5 inches of snow, and since the last of… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 13, 2014 at 9:30pm —
I fail to overcome. I'm very troubled, and I have no idea how to move forward. Instead of overcoming challenges in life, I'm overcome by life.
My thoughts about God are imperfect, too. I've come to understand some things about God but I'm sure I still believe many wrong things about God, too.
I used to believe that God didn't always love me and that I would fall in and out of His love for me, be worthy of it and then not be worthy of it, thinking His love for me… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 11, 2014 at 8:30pm —
The most common type of fear in people is said to come from having been raised in a fearful home where fear was the lifestyle and they learned that the world is a threatening place.
Fear is often summed up as being emotional baggage, and emotional baggage is defined as inner turmoil caused by experiences in the past.
Since everyone has emotions, then, it is said that everyone has baggage, or, at least, everyone has had some sort of baggage from the past, but many may… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 9, 2014 at 4:30pm —
The weather prediction proved to be true, and we received sleet, ice, and freezing rain lastnight.
Throughout the wee hours of the morning, I heard the rain falling and the wind blowing, and small branches and twigs from the two silver maples in front of the house, next to my bedroom window, kept cracking and breaking from the icy weight of the freezing rain and were hitting the roof and the sides of the house very eerily and noisily as they broke and fell.…
Added by Amanda on February 5, 2014 at 3:00pm —
We received 5.5 inches of snow from Sunday's winter storm, and today we are under another warning. Freezing rain, ice, sleet, and snow are being predicted to arrive between 4pm and 7am.
During the night, I had disturbing dreams and felt panicky.
Lord, You can heal me, if You will.
The scene from John 5 of the healing at the pool played over in my mind, and I thought of how it would have been heartless for Jesus to have said to the invalid, "Get up! Pick up your… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 4, 2014 at 11:00am —
After getting a taste of spring, yesterday, today we are under a winter storm warning. It's snowing. The skies are gray and dismal and it's much colder. The prediction is for 5 to 8 inches of snow and ice overnight, which is disheartening, but it isn't just the weather that is making everything seem so bleak.
Does anyone else ever feel shame? Am I the only one?
Why won't mine heal?
I've always believed, that, when I'm not loved or accepted or understood, it's… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 2, 2014 at 4:30pm —
I've been longing for spring, and today feels like spring. It's 62 outside and the skies are clear and sunny. I was able to sit outside in the afternoon for my devotions. The wind was cold but bearable, and I listened to John 8 on hear the word audio bible, as I considered another terrible longing -- that of wanting to be free.
I feel like a prisoner.
When someone longs for freedom in any way, isn't she a prisoner?
I want to be free from emotional… Continue
Added by Amanda on February 1, 2014 at 2:00pm —
Today, the thermometer reached a few degrees above freezing and the sun was shining brightly, so I went for a drive.
Most usually, I don't want to leave the house, but I brought myself to the point of getting out, if even for only a little bit, with the hopes of lifting my spirits.
It's been difficult for a long while to force myself to go anywhere, and I do, literally, have to force it, anymore, just as I did during the Holidays and those family gatherings, but, today, I… Continue
Added by Amanda on January 30, 2014 at 5:41pm —
Recently, I found this quote:
"We’re a mess, and we’re angry with people who are a mess! But God moves toward us in mercy and grace and wraps his redemptive arms of love around us and changes us. To do that he uses his community—God has an amazing way of using broken, messed up people to change broken, messed up people." Paul David Tripp, How People Change
I don't agree with everything this guy says, teaches, but that doesn't mean he's wrong. I'm probably… Continue
Added by Amanda on January 29, 2014 at 6:00am —
If our inner person is being renewed day by day, then the changes God makes within us must not be big and dramatic. They must be subtle and not easily seen or detected right away, like the changing of seasons. Seasons change, day by day. It's the tilt in the planet's rotation upon its axis that affects the amount of sunlight reaching the ground and this is what causes the seasons. This tilt slightly changes as time passes.
Here, we're in the midst of another arctic blast. The skies… Continue
Added by Amanda on January 28, 2014 at 8:30am —