Worship service was cancelled this morning due to weather. Skies are overcast today and the temperature is below freezing. Over night we received not only more snow, but ice pellets. Tonight is expected to be a little warmer with a steady light rain falling and a fog warning.
I spent time in devotions today, and one passage I read was 2 Corinthians 10:17-18. I long for that commendation from the Lord.
I've noticed, also, how much the Scriptures keep saying, "Don't be… Continue
Added by Amanda on December 8, 2013 at 12:30pm —
Today, my son asked me to take him over to a friend's house after school. The friend lives about fifteen minutes away from us. Continue
I hadn't planned on getting out of the house today.
Wednesday Bible study at church has been cancelled for the month of December, and I still feel exhausted from all the traveling we did for Thanksgiving. We visited family in three states, beginning early last Wednesday morning and ending late Sunday evening.
It's not unusual for me to…
Added by Amanda on December 4, 2013 at 7:30pm —
Life goes on around me. It goes on without me.
My loss of interest in things doesn't stop things from happening all around me, and my unwillingness to engage with the world doesn't prevent the others in my life from moving forward in their lives.
It's comforting for me to see and realize this.
I've never wanted to be a burden to anyone or an obstacle.
Mitch Albom, in Tuesdays with Morrie said, “I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I… Continue
Added by Amanda on December 2, 2013 at 5:16pm —
School let out today for Thanksgiving break, and, tonight, we ventured out into the cold, snow showers to attend the Board of Education Regular Meeting.
I never attend but this was a special occasion. My son and several other students were being recognized tonight by their High School along with the County Board of Education for their achievement last year in the Advanced Placement Program.
The Advanced Placement Program offers college level classes and examinations…
Added by Amanda on November 26, 2013 at 8:00pm —
I feel drained tonight, like nothing is worth fighting for anymore.
The skies were overcast, very dark, and a steady rain fell all day.
I tried reading Scripture but could not be comforted today.
Steve Jobs, the late co-founder of Apple, Inc., once said, "Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice."
It's much too late for me. That happened long ago. I began listening to the opinions of others about me many years… Continue
Added by Amanda on November 22, 2013 at 8:16pm —
I'm thinking about going out to worship service tomorrow morning. It's been on my heart all day, and the tugging to go is very strong.
What do you do when something which you believe to be well in tune with God's will doesn't happen?
I get discouraged.
I keep resorting back to negative behaviors.
I really am my own worst enemy.
I believe this, and, sadly, beliefs are at the core of a human being. Beliefs are the rules for living, and… Continue
Added by Amanda on November 16, 2013 at 5:00pm —
I feel like I'm always down and always trying to get back up again.
Daylight-saving time ended on November 3rd and by 6pm it's pitch black outside, and, here, we've already had our first snowflakes for the season, Monday night.
It's been too cold the past few weeks to have devotions outside where the sunlight, along with soaking up the light from God's Word, both, have helped brighten my day.…
Added by Amanda on November 13, 2013 at 7:00pm —
I've stopped going to church. Without regular attendance, membership seems meaningless, anyway, and it's been a real struggle for me to attend regularly. I always mess up. I should have waited to join when it wouldn't be so difficult to attend. Really, church attendance is more about belonging to a local body of believers, I think, than it is about being a member, but I wonder, if you don't show up, do you really belong?
I suppose it's about more than just attending church. In my… Continue
Added by Amanda on November 10, 2013 at 6:30pm —
Tonight, I wonder what God thinks of my life.
I think shame is the biggest reason why I don't want to be around others.
I must live with some terrible mistakes, like suddenly quitting a job that I loved three years ago and leaving it without notice for personal reasons.
It has seriously tarnished my work history. I'm unreliable. Talk about personal failure. Yeah, I failed. I was sinking into hopelessness, and, at the time, quitting was part of the solution --… Continue
Added by Amanda on November 6, 2013 at 6:30pm —
At times I'm not able to tell if I'm turning towards God or away from Him.
Escaping is my way of coping.
Today, I read this quote. "If we know anything about God, we know that He comes close to those who suffer, so keep your eyes open for Him." -- Edward T. Welch
I believe I close my eyes and turn away most of the time.
I remember when I felt better and that memory only increases this present pain.
Will this depression ever end?
Added by Amanda on November 4, 2013 at 6:09pm —
In life, you have to live with whatever happens, and, as a survivor, reminders are everywhere. There's hardly an episode of any crime television series or a movie without a violent scene of a woman being attacked in some way, raped, beaten, bound, killed. It's always in the daily news. Somewhere, someone was assaulted. It's on talk shows, on the radio, victims recounting their experiences of past sexual abuse, pouring out their misery over an abusive childhood in front of a studio audience.… Continue
Added by Amanda on November 2, 2013 at 12:30am —
I'm looking to God to help me to move on from some situations in which I've found myself stuck, but there's a wide barrier between God and me.
I fear His discipline.
I remember how, as a child, I'd run and cry, hurt and afraid after those painful switchings and whippings, and all the adults in my life, along with my older siblings, in my memory, always seemed pleased to see me scared or hurting.
I have the same image of God.
So many bad things have… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 30, 2013 at 7:00pm —
I don't understand what God is doing. I ask for purpose and clarity but continue feeling that my life is meaningless. I ask for reassurance but remain uncertain. I ask for courage but become overwhelmed with fear and worry. It must be me. It's me. My faith is failing.
He is the Creator, but I struggle to trust Him. I feel unprepared everyday for whatever the day will bring, and I'm afraid of what it will bring.
I feel crippled with mistrust, and I wonder, also, if I'll… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 27, 2013 at 8:58pm —
Is it OK to say I'm not OK?
No one would be proud of me for saying it, would they?
If nothing else, it's a sign of weak faith.
How could a true believer ever become so down?
I'm not OK, and in the eyes of those who have it all together, I'm especially wrong for saying it. I'm supposed to speak life, and I know Jesus cares, and He never said there wouldn't be days sometimes when we are filled with pain and depression, but, still, I ought to speak… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 26, 2013 at 4:30pm —
Two days ago, I began reading a new devotional. It's called, I Don't Want To Live Anymore, and it promises that it "will help you understand who God says you are and kick start your journey to restoration and healing" and it says "there's a God who loves you, values you, has great plans for your life, and is with you now."
Resources are included. There's a number to call with someone on the other end 24/7 who's ready to listen and there are volunteers who will pray with you, but I… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 23, 2013 at 10:00pm —
Journaling might have been helping me, after all, but if only to a very small degree.
At least, I think that's what I've been discovering over the last few days.
Today, I feel all jumbled up inside, and I wonder if I should take a few moments to write down some of my thoughts and emotions, to see if doing so will help me in any way, perhaps help me sort out some of it.
Therapists have told me that writing about any kind of painful emotions is a way of… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 17, 2013 at 3:00pm —
I know I'm of no importance in anybody's life or to anyone I meet. Getting to know me isn't getting to know anyone special. There's nothing special about me. I'm ordinary in every way, or perhaps less than ordinary because all my life all I ever really wanted was to be like other people, to be normal, to be average, to fit in.
I've always been less than others though and could never measure up.
My life was always tough enough without having to struggle with… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 13, 2013 at 6:30pm —
I saw it passing overhead last night, outside my home. It began around 8:28 pm and was as bright as the brightest star in the clearest skies, and I was intentionally looking for it. The weatherman had said it would pass across the night sky at about that time and then would move quickly out of sight. Continue
It was the International Space Station.
It will appear again tonight, around 7:40 pm, where I live, and again on Friday about the same time, but Saturday is supposed to…
Added by Amanda on October 9, 2013 at 11:00am —
If depression is something a person must struggle with alone, I need to admit I do feel like I’m struggling on my own and God is far away.
Am I going to just completely sink?
I admire all of the people who know no fear, and I believe mine comes from failing to trust God, but does it also mean I don’t completely love God?
Having that thought makes me even more afraid.
Will God give someone room to learn how to bounce… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 8, 2013 at 9:30am —
The Kentucky Wool Festival is said to be among the top ten events to attend in Kentucky in autumn. I went for the first time yesterday with my husband and son.
I've read that, when someone needs to pull herself up out of her depression, finding ways of dealing with it and overcoming it by herself is supposed to make her feel better, feel more in control.
It’s something a person has to struggle with alone, on her own.
So I forced myself to go, but… Continue
Added by Amanda on October 6, 2013 at 3:00pm —