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Kevin Wu

At the end of my freshmen year I went to Sylvan Learning Center to improve my writing and essay skills.  My sister urged me to go there and I went.  But I didn’t really concentrate on improving my writing and how to write a essay.  I felt depressed during those times because I had low test scores and I just wandered through life just living and not having a purpose and a identity in this life.  If I had a purpose and a identity in this life, I would be truly living and it would motivate me.  I also felt guilty when I lied to my sister about studying when I was really playing my computer.  I tried to escape my life by playing the computer and watching stuff but it only made things worse.  It made things worse because I found out that it is an endless cycle of not being satisfied with the things you get.  After you get something you desire something else, which is an endless cycle until you stop it.  When my sister caught me playing instead of studying, I tried to make excuses but that didn’t work.  I found out through experience that once you tell a lie it becomes a habit and you become scared of telling the truth.  When I told the truth that I was playing and not studying, I felt guilty for doing those bad things when I should be studying.

            Then in the end of my sophomore year my sister recommended that I to go to Princeton Review for the SAT.  So when I went to those classes I didn’t really concentrate on studying what the teacher told us.  Then when he gave us homework I didn’t feel like doing it and played my computer and watched T.V.  When the next weekend for the SAT review came, I would go look for the answers for the homework on the back of the SAT Review book and copy the answers to the questions.  By doing so I would not learn anything and would feel guilty when I got caught from my sister.  During those days I would have a huge fear of getting caught by my sister and tried to make excuses.

            But that started changing when I had enough of the lying, excuses, guilt, and depression.  A thought came out and said what is your purpose in living?  So when I went to church on Sunday, the weather was sunny and there were white clouds.  Last I remembered it was in one of the Sundays on the month of August.  It was baptism Sunday and after the baptism my Sunday school teacher was giving a free bible to Emily in my Sunday school group.  But Emily didn’t take it so I took it and carried it home.  I took it because I felt drawn to it and wanted it.  When I took the bible home I looked at it and it had the sky on the top of the cover and the bottom in white says Holy Bible.  The bible is paperback and looked nice.  When I started reading the bible I read what Jesus said on the Sermon on the Mount.  What Jesus said on the Sermon on the Mount was “God blesses those people who depend only on him.  They belong to the kingdom of heaven!  God blesses those people who are treated badly for doing right.  They belong to the kingdom of heaven.  God will bless you when people insult you, mistreat you, and tell all kinds of evil lies about you because of me.  Be happy and excited! You will have a great reward in heaven.  People did these same things to the prophets who lived long ago.   This really made me happy and gave me hope and joy because in the past I have been bullied by people for no reason.  If God will bless me then I’ll endure everything that they do to me and I won’t seek revenge because God will judge righteously and take revenge for me.

            A few weeks later in September I went on internet websites such as YouTube and played Christian music that made me happy as the verses in the songs gave me encouragement.  Then later on in YouTube I found a person named Lonnie Mack that talked about depression, temptation, sexual additions, why masturbation is a sin and other things.  He also talked about prayer, the bible, Jesus Christ, and heaven and hell.  From what he said I learned more about the problems in my life and God gave me the solutions to them one at a time for each of my problems.  Each problem that I overcame was because of God and I am very thankful that we have such a loving God.  As I went through the Lord’s way I tried to do less of the sins until finally I confessed my sins of lying to my sister and everyone else, lust of women, hate, cheating, stealing, jealousy, and other sins that I confessed and repented from throughout my entire Junior Year.  Repenting means turn away from sins and not to do them again even when tempted to do them.

One moment in my life I was watching T.V and I did not feel good about watching the T.V. such shows were Smallville, Glee, Hellcats, Simpsons, and other shows.  While watching these shows I was not myself and felt the T.V controlling me.   I felt the T.V controlling me because my mind was only on the T.V and when my grandma tells me to do something while I was watching the T.V I would not do it.  The T.V is full of lies and when we believe in those lies it appears to us in reality as a lie.  My conscience told me that it was wrong in watching T.V, so I followed my conscience and went upstairs and prayed to God to destroy my desires of watching T.V.  While doing this I had strong desires for watching T.V.  The T.V was so tempting because the devil was trying to stop me from being born again.  Being born again is not living for yourself and not living for your desires but living for Jesus Christ the Son of God.  It also means replacing the flesh with the spirit and becoming a new creature.  Even though I had strong desires for watching T.V, I held on to praying to God and God destroyed my desires of watching T.V.  I cried while I was praying, the tears showed sincerity.  I repented of watching T.V and lost the desire of watching it.  Then I received the joy of the Holy Spirit and I received this joy that was a sign from God that I was forgiven from my past sins.  While I received the joy of the Holy Spirit, I went on YouTube and sang Christian songs and continued my joy for the next forty minutes.  It was one of my best happiest days of my life.  After the joy ended I realized that I received a peace in which am never bored again, since I now have the Holy Spirit in me.

            Now that I am free, I now concentrate on studying for my classes in high school, do my homework, read the bible daily-gain wisdom, joy, knowledge, I play handball, go running, play other sports, making friends who are a good influence on me, working hard, growing as a person in the inside and get closer to God as he leads me through my life.  I increased my grades significantly throughout the year from a 84.33% to a 90.50% average on my report card.  When I showed my 90.50% average to my sister, she gave me a high five and was happy for me.  I now have a purpose in this life and that’s respecting and obeying God.  I am now happy, confident, honest, joy, self-controlled, love, diligent, and much more.