Lost and lonely...need prayer

For my entire life, while i have desired a strong, commited relationship with Jesus Christ, I have too often let my doubts, shortcomings, trials, pain, etc. blind me from this unconditional faith.  Basically, I have flat out denied God on many occasions, and because of this I feel extremely distant from his love and grace.  While I pray for myself as often as possible and beg God to forgive me and become a part (the biggest part) of my life and to show me love through special people on this Earth, I ask you all to pray for me as well.  Pray that I can find faith and stick to it, that faithful people who know, love, and want the best for me will come into my life, and that I will find happiness through faith.  Thank you all very much!