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I'm newly divorced and it sucks.   My husband wanted the divorce, said he wasnt happy, that I was mean to him and had a bad attitude.  There were some other issues as well.  We moved to Hawaii last summer for his job and I had a terrible time adjusting.  This move didn't cause our problems, but it didn't help either.  He did not want to go to counseling or try to work things out because he thought it was too little too late.  I've since moved out of Hawaii back to my home state and I'm trying to figure out the next steps of life.  How do I get out of this guilt and self blame phase that I am in.  I know he is at fault too, but all I can see is my fault. 

I'm just so devastated, at least the rawness of this pain is gone, but I just feel empty and that I failed in my role as a wife.  :(

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I am going through the same thing right now. I understand about seeing our own guilt more than theirs. I have gone over my whole marriage looking at all the things I did wrong and wish I had done them differently. The only solution is to ask for forgiveness from them, from God and from yourself. It is one thing to say you forgive but a completely other to live it out. It's tough but I think that is just part of it. One thing I have found that helps is to bless them every chance you get. I don't know much but that has helped me. Forgive like God forgives us.

From a Book I'm Reading:
Imagine if the religious elite would have had some of Paul's scripture to add to their aresenal... (1 Corinthians 6:9)... I'm sure they would have said ," There you have it, it's in the writing, people like her don't get to go to heaven, so we might ...as well condemn her to hell now. "....But notice what Jesus did. He physically postures himself down to the level of the exposed woman and advocates for her. I imagine that the posture of this woman must have been low, bent over, covering her head, probably shaking in fear, tears splashing in the dirt near her feet. She knows what's coming, and she might even assume she deserves the torrent of rocks that are about to bludgeon her skull. Why didn't Jesus just call a spade a spade? Why didn't he just speak truth? He is truth; he can't speak anything but truth. And yet, truth bends down, adjusts his posture, and neals near her. ....... The powerful revelation is that the God of the universe -the only one who should have genuinely been offended, who could have postured himself as judge and executioner- literally lowers himself to her level and becomes her only friend, protector, and advocate. " - Tangible Kingdom
Wow, talk about opposite ends! My wife of 21 years Sept pretty much told me the same thing. We are at our 32nd day of separation (who's counting) Obviously you're further along in this journey than I am. As I deal with the pain of knowing she is with someone else, my military chaplain reminder me of all the acts of God's omnipotent love displayed in the Bible had some form of pain associated with it. This lead me to 1 Peter 5:6-11. I have offered these verses to another friend lately. Quite frankly, they probably could apply to every member in here. I wake every day wandering if today is the day she comes back. A conversation or event may occur that painfully tells me she's not. I think of this Scripture and tell myself "Wow! God says He personally will come to comfort me" That is the Almighty God that created the universe will come to provide comfort to little me. That verse and that promise belongs to you too

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