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My wife said she wants a divorce. I know that i have failed to show her how much she has meant to me after 17 years of marriage a lot of the times. i know that i have not been the husband to her and the father to my kids that God has instructed me to be. i am a Christian but have slid on my responsibilities to God and to my family. My wife said that she is "done" with our marriage. That she has felt this way for a long time. She also said that her heart was harddened to me and that nothing i could say or do would change that. i tried to get her to talk to our pastor with me to save our marriage. She went once with me but has not went back with me since. she has this worldly friend that is telling her to divorce me and find someone better. i felt that her friend was a wedge between us and when i asked her to choose her friend or my feelings she chose the friend. i felt so lost then i prayed to God for help. every day i have read His Word and prayed for His help and guidance. He showed me where i have failed in the marriage He blessed me with. i now pray that He will soften her heart so that i may show her how much i truly love what God has given me.

To be honest i have never felt so bad and good at the same time. the bad is my wife is not giving me any chance to prove myself to her, the good that my relationship with God in the fact that i have never felt closer to Him than i do now.

i always seem to ask Him why is this happening to me, and then yesterday when i talked to an old friend of mine about what i was going through, he informed me that he is struggling in his marriage now. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, i was able to tell him how God was working in my life.

i felt wonderful that maybe my testimony would help him save his marriage from what i'm going through.

that's when it hit me, that God was using me to help my friend.

My wife believes in God and has accepted Him as her savior in Jesus. i just feel that she was/is making wrong decisions when it came to her friend. But it came from me who at the time was not listening to God daily in my life.

So now i pray, thanking God for this opportunity to help others if that is His will for me. But i'm still so heartbroken that my wife is divorcing me and won't even try to forgive me.

So i was wondering if anyone had advice, i know God can change her heart if that is His will. He did it to me, so i know He hears my prayers and that whatever happens that He will be first in my life.

I am trying to show my wife how much i love and need her without trying to seem needy and pushy. i'm trying to give her space to listen to God but i don't see her asking Him for help. what i do see is that she is on the phone with her friend planning on her divorce of me.

what do i do? i feel His love and forgiveness but i feel so alone in my home.

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Replies to This Discussion

WOW. Our stories are indeed so much alike. I wil lift your marriage up to the Lord in my prayers.

i can feel your pain. this year was my twentieth anniversary and we were separated on that day. I was not the man i needed to be for my wife and kids. she felt hurt by the little things i didn't see until we were separated. I cant speak for all men, but while we were togethe and i tryr i didn't see the problems and she never came to me about them . she says i should have known. (( maybe))? i dont know. I know we are still separated and i try every day to get her back. every thing i read says that be faithful and God will soften there hearts and when they come back to God they will come back to us. Be faithful to God and pray,pray,pray. thats' what i do. i will pray for you also.(( a prayer given to me )) 

 

Lord, I lift up my beloved wife and all the prodigals and loved ones who are away fron you this day. May your men of God speak the word and your truth today, so that every sinner, all prodifals and loved ones around the world, will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the enemy. May you open all our loved ones spiratual eyes and ears to hear and see the truth. May you send Godly men and women to speak your truths to my beloved spouse daily. I pray in agreement with other standers around the world that your truth will set prodigals free this day. I pray that _________ and all the spouses who are away from you will become broken,humbled,confessing their sins,repenting and turning their lives 180 degrees from their wicked ways by accepting jesus as savior and Lord back into their lives. I pray that they will be obedient to your voice, to your will, to your way, and to your instructions for their life and marriage. Lord, set your prisoners free from the bondages of sin today in the mighty name of Jesus.Your blood has paid the price for my wife, all prodigal spouses and loved ones to be set free from their sins. thank you, Lord for your amazing love. How majestic is you name! Your name is above all names. I love you,Lord. I praise your holy name. In jesus name i pray, AMEN.

 

It sounds weird, but by our spouses not wanting to work out our marriage ((ight now)) they are sinning agAINST GOD. so i beg for forgiveness for me hardening my wives heart and for her to come back to the Lord.

 

I will include you in my prayers as also need to be in yours.

 

thanks martin

"My wife said that she is 'done' with our marriage. That she has felt this way for a long time. She also said that her heart was harddened to me and that nothing i could say or do would change that. i tried to get her to talk to our pastor with me to save our marriage. She went once with me but has not went back with me since." -- I heard the same thing from my wife last February 2009. The only difference is that your wife at least agreed to talk to your pastor. Since 2007, I have been insisting to my wife that there was a need for both of us to visit a Christian counselor. She kept on refusing. Now I know why.

If there is anything I could tell you, I think I will just share briefly my experience and be the one to assess how will it apply to your own situation.

Since June 2009, we were finally separated though not in paper due to financial consideration. When she told me partly the reason for her coldness since 2005, my wife insisted on separation. I could not believe what I was hearing. I did not know that whether I was awake or I was just dreaming. But later, reality dawned on me that my wife has no more love for me. I suffered pain for 6 months. I cried during evening and slept in the morning. There is still pain but I am stronger now, emotionally. mentally, and spiritually.

There is one lesson I learned, which I am grateful for this trial. Without this trial, there is no way for me to learn this lesson. I have been in pastoral ministry and theological education for more than 20 years. But I never noticed, that there are so many things in my life that replaced Jesus - ministry, education, my wife, and the future of my kids. All of them were lost when my marriage was broken. I kept on asking the Lord why? I have been faithful to Him all these years. That's what I thought. The one precious lesson that I learned is the sufficiency of Jesus in my life. Before, I can preach about this. In terms of knowledge and words, I know that Jesus is sufficient in my life. But in terms of who I am and what I do, in being and doing, in terms of my identity and experience, Jesus to me is still not sufficient. Now, I can say in truth that to be with Jesus is far better than anything else, than anyone else in this world. To be with Jesus is far better than the realization of my dreams. To be with Jesus is far better than to be with my wife and my children. This does not mean that I would be an irresponsible husband and father. This does mean that my heart belongs to Jesus alone and all other relationships are secondary. I am now a better father. If God allows restoration in my marriage, in his grace I believe, I would be a better husband now. The issue is not between my wife and God but between God and myself. God has his own way of dealing with my wife. His concern is to win me back and he is using this trial for me to learn that my greatest treasure is Him.

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