We have had our rough times and had some good times. We have three of the biggest blessings God can betstow on us, three beautiful boys. We got married young but decided we'd tackle life together and enjoy its blessings. Yet, times got rough and I know I did things that hurt her and called her names I shouldn't have. I wanted to hang out with the guys and I would leave her at home with the boys. She would let me go out whenever I wanted and I never considered what she wanted to do. She became angry because she wanted a life outside of the house and once the opportunity came to get a job she took it and never looked back. A few years went by and a couple moves between states and I thought we had finally "made it". We had a decent house, car and food to eat. The only thing missing was my wife. I feel like she wanted to spend more time at work than at home with the boys and me. It felt like I was the only one doing things for the boys. I talked to her and asked her if she could cut back on the hours and she didnt like that one bit. She started getting calls/text messages from her boss more often. I got the phone bill and realized it was at all times of the night. I later found they had both been waiting up real late at night to talk to each other on the internet. I confronted her about it and she told me everything. They had done other things as well and they loved each other. I asked her if this was what she wanted for our family and she took a few days to think it over. She ended it with this other guy and we decided to move to her hometown so she could have the support she needed and so we could go to marriage counseling. We went to two sessions and she got a job and did not look back.
I became a stay at home dad and went to school. I really wanted a job and wanted to provide for my family but due to the size of the town the jobs were limited and the amount paid in childcare would equal my salary alone. She got promoted and we moved to another town. I feel like she became extremely engulfed in her work and didn't want to be at home with us. It made me very sad. She started working longer and longer hours and I told her how i felt and that I wanted to work. She wasn't happy about it and told me all I did was complain and bring her down. She told me wanted to file for a divorce and that we needed a break. I went out and sought God and I bought the love dare and the love and respect book. I read them diligently and implemented many of the things into my life and sought forgiveness for anything I had done. Things really turned around and I thought everything was going great. Then she went off to an overnight manager meeting and she was different. I saw her texting this other manager more and more and calling him even when she wasn't at work. It got to the point where she would hide in the bathroom to text/talk to him at home. I confronted him and her and I thought everything had mellowed down. I really wanted to believe it was just for work but I don't know. a month later she asked me for a divorce and took our boys to her moms house, she got rid of our house and took everything. I was left with nothing and went back to my home state to live with my parents.
The reason for all of this that she has given me is that she loves me but is not in love with me. I don't understand. I talk to her about maybe going to marriage counseling and she is very firm in saying that she doesn't want to be with me anymore but would like for me to be a part of our childrens lives. I have been trying my best to stay faithful to God and our marriage. I have hope that one day our family will be back together again but everytime I have hope she breaks it down again. I am so sad if this is truly the result she wants. I can only think of all the things I am going to miss out of because she feels like this. The pain is so heavy and I have done my best to give it all to God but it comes everyday. Pray for me because it feels like I'm coming to a fork in the road and my human nature wants to go down it but my mind and spirit tell me to go the other. This inner struggle is so hard. Please pray for me. I know who I used to be and I dont want to be like that ever again. I am a new creation in God. Lord see your servant and guide his path. Amen