All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
What do I do?
Ok, I realize the obsticle that's in my way.
I really don't want to tell my parents that in 8th grade I:
1.Became friends with someone online [disobeyed mom,went into a chatroom] and that could have been dangerous.
2.Did self-harm to myself. Not only that but I made an attempt at suicide because of the bullying.
Mom has asked before "What have you done so wrong?" Today the pastor at church asked who's made a mistake. I put my hand up. Mom told me to put it back down. My parents were there for my baptizim.
She thinks I'm a 'good" girl. I'm not. I've done some really bad things....she just doesn't know it. For I've done alot of things my parents don't realize.
How can I tell them some major things I've done wrong when they are under alot of stress? They can't handle the stress of knowing I was going to comitt suicide...I remember mom's face when she first found out in 8th grade that I was suicidal [she never found out about the self harm/attempt at suicide]...I don't want to ever put her through that again. I pretty much didn't bring it up afterwards.
I love what the pastor said. "I baptize you in the Name of the Father who loves you,the Son who died for your sins and the Spirit that lives inside of you." I love hearing that come from someone face to face. That Jesus died for my sins.
I want it to be acknowledged by the person I'm communicating with that I have sin. Not "Oh,well you're a good person." I need to tell somebody what I've done face ot face. How else can I possibly heal after bottling it up for so long? I've bottled stuff up most of my life...
What do I do? What would be the needed step I need to take in this healing process?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by a servant (Chris) on
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My little Sister
The online relationship if it is not good or wrong to do so, let that part go. You never know the danger of the unknown. Right now little allow the Lord to Heal you, let Him show you Love, give Him time to expose you to All that is Jesus. Spend time with those who know His Love. Spend time in the Word and in Prayer. The Lord will guide and direct you when you are ready. All this take time. Right now you may feel your life is moving at such a fast rate, that is normal for your age. Truth be known life moves at a slower than you know. You have so much time to Live. and to Live for Jesus is to Truly Live. It is Bold and Good that you are able to ask such things. So many here will take the time to share with you. Yet, build real relationship with those your age in your church. I will be Praying for you Sis.
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Permalink Reply by feet breath on
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Chris. Oh, I haven't talked to Geoffrey for years. Probably like around 5 years. I wasn't very smart at 14/15. The reason it was dangerous [Skype chatroom] was because he wanted to know what state I lived in. When I didn't want to say he got mad and said I guess we're not really friends than. I wanted to leave the forum [another place where we talked] and he said he'd hang himself if I left. In 8th grade we did something about online safety at school. That sounds like what they talked about...Why didn't I tell them about him,why? I guess I didn't want to get him in any trouble because we were "friends".
It takes time like you said.
Char. She wanted me to put my hand down because she thinks I'm a "good" girl...
I have to tell somebody though in person [I've told people online though]. You see that is how I coped for most of my life. I'd bottle it up and absorb whatever came my way pretty much. I did that instead of telling people how hurt I was. It started when I was 4 and Jamel punched me on the playground in the nose. I need to take into consideration though he was special needs. From Mrs. R.'s class[same school year] I have flashbacks of what I did to her ankle that one time. It seems like ever since than I've abosrbed things. You see I have trouble with communication. If someone doesn't talk to me I probably won't talk to them. Not meaning to be rude or anything; I'm just never really the one to start the conversation. So, I probably wasn't going to go and tell people how hurt I really was over the years.
They didn't listen in 3rd grade. It was time to walk across the street after school. "Harold" teased me. I remember thinking I can't take it anymore. So, I took my windbreaker and I hit him with it. I didn't get suspended but I got talked to. They didn't listen to the warning sign. I couldn't take anymore bullying so I just took the pain out of myself by hitting "Harold" with the windbreaker. It was a warning because I wasn't really a violent little girl. I jist couldn't keep the pain in any longer. Afterwards, I just started bottling it up again. The next time I'd realse my pain;it almost cost me my life like around 5 years later.
The reason it's hard with my parents is because the bullies and wanting to comitt suicide in 8th grade is a big part of my testimony. Mom has asked before what I've done so wrong. I don't really say much because I'm so ashamed...That prevents me from talking about sin and Jesus' forgiveness of sins.
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The problem is she'll probably ask what I've done. Like asking have you lied. I don't remember every lie I told but I remember one specific one...Someone asked me [it was found out that I was suicidal] if it was just home or school where I didn't want to be anymore. I lied and said school. When in reality I didn't want to be in ether place because I didn't want to be on earth period. I delibretly lied because I didn't want to say both places.
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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on
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1. You have a pastor - Go to him and speak to him about these issues. We are here for you, but this site has never been intended to be a counseling site or the replacement of real tangible fellowship. Again we are here for you, but this manner of interaction presents real limitations, so do seek counseling with your pastor.
2. If God, the Spirit is asking you to confess your sin to your mother, than do so. Repent of your sin and turn from it.
3. I will pray that God gives you the courage to do what He is leading you to do in this situation.
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Char,
What you have stated is true for some, but this discussion is about Feetleeves. My response here is not meant to be disrespectful or harsh towards you, but again, we are talking to Feetleeves, not your own situation.
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Char I deffintly have a hard time knowing when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. There's certain times I can hear Him loud and clear. But, most of the time it's difficult.
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Char I can kind of relate. Not as much at the false religous beliefs taught by people [although I have come across false beliefs. The bullying had more of an impact than the false beliefs though] but the beliefs [like having me believe how bad of a person I really am] other people have pounded into my head since I was little. I remember one time we were suppose to make a poster for ourselves in 3rd grade. We passed it around and people would say nice things about us. Zachary put [insert my name] is a cry baby. I remember the laughing,teasing and other things over the years. I remember I was the class embrassement 2 times in 8th grade. What's the class embrassement? When you would be singled out and humiliated in front of the whole class. Once was in my 1st homeroom (they changed it later on because I had a friend who just started in the other homeroom. That would be the homeroom I'd would later get threatened in and fall into a deep depression). The other was in math class. A classic for them was my hair. They loved throwing things in my hair especially gum. One time the principal had to cut the gum out from the morning bus ride. I think another time, it was ether my friend/me/both of us got a calculator thrown instead of gum. One boy loved to call me "Nappy hair" especially in 7th grade. He said stuff like "Hey,it's Nappy!" or something like that. A few times my friends even picked on me.
Over the years I've been made to feel like a total looser. Like my life didn't even matter.
So, yeah I can kind of relate with having a wrong mindset. I've heard things so many times it's hard to think positivly after so many years of hearing other things. It's like brainwashing. You hear stuff over and over again for so long you'll eventually believe it. Char it's ok sister. :hugs: It's good to tell of your situation that way we can both find ways to relate in our pain. That way neither of us seems so alone in what we've been through. While both situations are different they can also be similar.
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The JWs came the Summer before I started 10th grade in 08. While it's not as pressuring as the bullying situations I remember it still amazes me to hear something like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43hj_vRexN4 go to the time 2:46 and onward listen a little bit. It says no God like Jehovah. It feels the breath of God has hit me hearing that. Knowing they are talking about Jesus...wow!
The bullying...most of my life I've been made to feel condemned. I don't know how to get out of this shell that has been made.
I don't think my parents would respound well. I remember mom's face when she knew I was suicidal. She never found out that I actually attempted it. Not only that I harmed myself and could have got in big trouble because of a guy online in 8th grade. That is way too much for them too handle. They get stressed very easily.
Mom, when she was a teen...her uncle comitted suicide. She seen him afterwards. I think if she found out I tried too it'd be too much for her to bear. It may trigger back bad memories anyways.
Both of my parents have alot on them. They couldn't hande this.
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I'm sorry friend,David. I don't want to cause any trouble so maybe it's better just to leave it at this. I really didn't mean to cause any trouble.
LT, please don't ban me for this discussion. I really didn't mean to cause any trouble.
I'm sorry everyone.
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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
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FB,
I don't see anything here that you need to be worried about regarding being banned.
Lord Bless,
LT
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Thank you LT. That makes me feel better. :hugs:
Lord Bless.
feetleaves
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Feet,
There is absolutely no reason for you be concerned with being ban. We love God's people and we endeavor to give you what He leads us to communicate to you.
You have cause no trouble here and we do not ban anyone for engaging in discussions such as the one you have brought up. It has never happened in this God blessed site. We appreciate you and thank God for you, but the truth is the truth. This site is not intended to replace (nor do I think, you think that or are saying this) actual person to person fellowship. Is here for all to come and enjoy God's people in a multitude of activities and various ways of interaction, but you should go to your local pastor and ask for his counsel. He is the one God has placed in your immediate path. We are here for you and we as a community and individuals will love you as best as we know how.
Love and blessings to you Feet.
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