You said " It can't be like this forever. I have to be change. And i have to do it now or else i won't be able to change myself."
You can't change yourself. No one can.
You then went on to say "Lord forgive me and You are my strength"
Proverbs 3:5,6 says
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and HE will direct your steps.
Other versions say....."He will make your paths straight". The first part of making our paths straight is to trust Him with all our hearts, not leaning on our own understanding, and acknowledging Him in all our ways... THEN He will make our paths straight. It's a promise of God. Maturity and growth doesn't happen overnight.
Don't give up, we all fall at times.