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Is porn equal to committing adultery?
Porn is one of the highest addictions out there. I think it would be safe to say that it towers over all other addictions put together. I think it's because it's a matter of the thinking & in the mind. The other addictions has to put actions behind those thoughts for example: you think of drinking then you have to physically buy the alcohol to drink it & put that thought into action. The question I want to raise here is more specific. Jesus said that to look with lust is to commit adultery in your heart (Matthew 5:27, 28). Does this mean that a porn addiction can be equated with infidelity? And if it can, do you feel that could be viewed as legitimate grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32)?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Seek on
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When I change my account, I had everything removed, so not sure if this was touched on or not, but I want to give you a scenario and have you tell me whether it would be grounds for a divorce.
Husband addicted to pornography to the point of neglecting wife and spends 4+ years sleeping on the couch, plus more hours speaking to a female friend on the phone than he does speaking with his wife, while claiming nothing's going on.
There's no proof of any adultery in that scenario, other than the adultery of sleeping with pictures in ones mind to the point they don't even sleep with their own wife anymore. Is there?
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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Personally Char, I would say absolutely but u probably already knew what my answer would be. Kick his tail out.
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Well sure. But was wondering how Roy would view it or other guys here. Lol
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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
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Char,
You have bundled several things that need to be addressed individually.
A husband and wife may cease to be sexually active and no one commit adultery. Sleeping on the couch for 4 years is a really BAD SIGN regarding the health of that relationship. So, there is an obvious breakdown in this relationship that you present (I sure hope it is hypothetical, and if not please don't tell me).
When men and women who are married have relationships with the oppositie sex there always are risks and it is better to avoid. Relationships with a person with the oppositie sex that lock out one's spouse is unhealthy, dangerous and disrespectful of that person's spouse.
Pornography, or any fantasy thoughts that include sexual activity with one other than your spouse is sin based on God's Word where Jesus equates even the lustful thought as equal to the actual physical act.
The solution is to break off the inappropriate relationship, or at least restructure it with proper boundaries. Admit, with repentance, the sin of pornography and seek to put safe guards in place. I would also instruct the married couple to take steps to right their ship together. I will not go into the various things they could do, but focus must return to the health of their marriage followed by action steps.
Lord Bless,
LT
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Ok, I won't tell ya. LOL
But my point is, some say unless it meets their specific idea of adultery...sleeping with another, caught in the act, whatever, that it is not grounds for a divorce. And if the individual who is sleeping on the couch and addicted to porn refuses counseling, feels counselors are quacks, thinks there is nothing wrong with porn, etc., does the spouse remain and keep living like that? When does one call it adultery? If you know in your heart nothing is right in this picture, do we Biblicly remain with that type of demonic activity in our midst on a daily basis? Do we keep ourselves subjected to it for the sake of God's hatred of divorce and His "undefined" for us, definition of what constitutes adultery?
Roy's comment is what has me asking this question: I do not believe that viewing porn is grounds for divorce. Basically, when God brings two together, they should not get a divorce.
Which leads to part two....when does God bring two people together? If someone knocks up a woman half their age and then marries them because she buys them off, when they admitted they didn't love that person, they are backslid and operating on their own fleshly desires, did God bring them together?
People try to follow the letter of the law as they view it and yet Jesus said His yoke was easy. What is easy about remaining in a relationship God never sanctioned, that may be dangerous or the worst kind? Isn't that akin to falling into the same legalistic attitudes of some Christians? We bind our own up with so many rules and regulations that are impossible to keep?
I hope that's a bit clearer as to what I was getting at. I haven't had much time to address things well lately.
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Char,
The Bible says,
Mat 5:28-32 NIV84 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (29) If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (30) And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (31) "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' (32) But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Adultery is grounds for divorce, but divorce is not mandatory. Reconcilliation is always the prefered route, but not always possible. We know that all marriages require two people (husband and wife) who are willing to work together.
The question of when God brings together (or unites ) two people has several pieces to ponder. The first glimpse we see of marriage is in a time when divorce was not even a consideration. The Bible tells us that a man will be united to his "wife" (Gen. 2:24). This is the perfect scenario, the man unites with "his wife." There was no fornication or adultery in play at this time. Secondly we know that the Bible does not state that the sexual act constitutes marriage, but rather it consummates marriage. There is a commitment made by one to the other as God ordain before the sexual activity takes place. If we look at Gen. 2:24 again we see that he leaves his parents' home and is united with his wife. It does not say unites with the woman and she becomes his wife. We know that in Jesus day that there would be a betrothal, the couple would be viewed as married, but would not consummate the marriage for a year. After the year the husband and wife would lay together. This is further evidenced as God's view by reading the first few verses of John 14 in light of the how God views the marriage process leading up to consumation.
To your specific question about when is a person married. I believe that it is when the two come together in agreement to be man and wife, as it takes both, regardless of the ceremony or legal document. We can find godly (with God) marriages and ungodly (without God) marriages, but God views the commitment to one another at the center of the issue, because the Bible talks about believers being married to unbelievers. Therefore God views the marriage contract of unbelievers as valid otherwise the mixed marriage would be invalidated. Since these marriages are valid we must accept that divorce can only be acceptable according to Biblical standards.
I am leaving to go out of town and will have limited access, so will not be able to respond quickly to any replies to this.
Lord Bless,
LT -
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Thanks LT, I had not even thought of the verses about looking at a woman lustfully. Ok...so what constitutes lust? ROFL You knew I'd go there! But honestly. If someone is dressed scantily and a man looks at her and has a momentary lustful thought...did he truly just commit adultery? In that case, no it wouldn't be grounds for divorce, but some could certainly spin it that way. Aye aye aye!
But yes I agree, reconciliation is always preferred. Sometimes we complicate it for people who are really struggling for an answer in their own situation.
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Yes, some could spin it that way. But, lust is more than a quick look. To put it into perspective (no pun intended) it would be a gaze with the mind starting to run the fantasy in the head.
Lord Bless,
LT
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LOLOLOL Char. You said you had not even thought of the verses about looking at a woman lustfully - READ THE DISCUSSION AT THE TOP OF YOUR PAGE
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I DID...back when the discussion started last year. But this time was only reading the latest responses without going back to refresh my absent memory. LOL
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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LT,
In the OT it looks like reconciliation of a husband and wife was not always God's will but depended upon the situation, especially after someone has married another and divorced again. In the following Scripture I'm not sure what qualifies as "some indecency in her" but it used to be grounds for divorce. Did Jesus change all of that by saying what is written in Matthew 5:28-32?
Deuteronomy 24
English Standard Version (ESV)
Laws Concerning Divorce
24 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
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