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I'm very frustrated and not sure what the answer is?  God has put something in my life to do, something i've prayed for for years!!!!!!  It has come and I am so excited.  What it is involves me speaking, which is something i've always been very good at...I can talk to anyone about anything.  I believe that is a gift from God because I don't understand when people I know don't understand how it comes so easily to me.  I just figure it's easy for anyone.  I love people.  Having said that this new path in my life that involves speaking, when I go to talk I can't speak.  I go to call someone and in my mind talk myself right out of it because of anxiety.  I've been praying and in my heart I know this is the right thing to be doing right  now but if so then why cant I speak?  Everyone close to me doesn't understand it either, I hear "but that's what you do is talk, I don't get it" It really makes no sense!  Could it be this isn't what i've been praying for? It shouldn't be this hard, i'm not sure which way to turn.  Any thoughts?? 

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CARLA!!!!!  I was sooooo hoping you would be here!!!!!  It's Debbie (the jewelry maker) lol :)  I don't have the same e-mail and I don't remember my password so I can't get on my other page.  You have no idea how much i've prayed that you would be here.  You knew my life story and if you remembered I thought maybe you might have some insight.  Again I don't know if you remember me but if you do you know my heart!  I just posted a response to someone and said 2 1/2 years ago I told the owner of a cosmetology school "someday i'm going to give anonymous scholarships to the victims of domestic violence" I didn't know how I was going to do was kind of an off the wall thing to say.  I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe in my heart everything i've gone through has made me an empathetic and compassionate person. I'm not the perfect Christian yet and I know that but maybe this is the time. (I know there's no such thing as perfect but I think you know what i'm saying).  The only way to sum it up is I have peace in my heart and constantly think of all the good I could do with people and with money, I don't have peace in my head and that's what is driving me crazy. xoxo I've missed you!!  Love Deb

Oh my goodness Debbie... LONG TIME NO SEE.  Of course I remember you.  Ok..  We have a lot of catching up to do.  :-) ...Love, Carla

YES :) I tried several different times to get on but I couldn't so I figured I would just make another one unless anyone knows if there's someway I can change my e-mail.  I can't for the life of me figure out what is going on, I could walk away from this opportunity and be much happier.  I don't NEED this, I would rather not do it.  But then there's always something tugging at me and I'm trying so hard to do what God wants me to do. xo Love Deb


This was in your response up above to Tammy:

"I made a promise 2 1/2 years ago to the owner of a cosmetology school, I said "someday i'm going to give anonymous scholarships to victims of domestic violence".  I just didn't know how.  I felt like this was the opportunity I had been waiting for.  I have peace about it in my heart but not my head."

I firmly believe that this battle we fight begins and ends in our minds.  God will open doors for us, and we are really good at talking ourselves out of it.  I don't know the details of all that you are considering, but what I do know is that God is all about service for others and helping us to be 'others focused'.  The scholarships that you are considering organizing sound like they would be 'very much' others' focused.  Especially when you become a voice for those who do not have a voice themselves.  Where they cannot stand..  We stand on their behalf.  Where they cannot speak, we speak on their behalf.  We are called to Seek Justice, Love Mercy and Walk humbly with God!  God is always in the details.  It sounds like He may be bringing you to a new level of intimacy and obedience.  I'm one to talk... I'm still acting like Jonah.

What keeps us afraid from stepping out?  Let's discover this together in community the way God designed it.. and us.

Love, Carla

Thank you Carla! I totally understand what your saying about "talking ourselves out of it".  I've tried every which way there is NOT to do this.  Example:  Last night I watched a video of 2 of the top income earners for this company...thinking I'll find out the TRUTH now, they're in it for money.  What were they talking about?  Sending clean water to Africa!  I couldn't believe it! 

I'm others focused to a fault (not thinking anything of myself, which I know is a sin).  I give and I don't like to get, it makes me uncomfortable.  That's why when I give I try my hardest to do it anonymously.  

I just realized part of what the problem is is having to ask people for something.  As an example I'll use Tupperware because I don't think it's around anymore.  You would have to ask people for parties or to try something.  Part of it is the same concept but I go to make a phone call or ask someone for a favor and I just stumble on my words.   That's not like me at all!  The exact opposite is true...other than when I talk I don't ever ask for anything.

I don't know if you saw the post I put up, but I said "I don't need this", my life would be easier if I just walked away.  Something keeps pulling me back in. 

That question, fear of stepping out?  That's exactly right, you hit the nail on the head!  And when you said "a new level", I was at a meeting with one of the girls and I said "I don't understand, I talk...that's what I do" I don't know where this fear is coming from and she said "new level, new devil".  When I read where you put "new level" I got a chill.  You have no idea how hard I prayed that you were here!  Our paths crossed for a reason.  :) xo

Love Deb 

Have you tried practicing in front of a mirror? Try joining a speaking group like Toastmasters. Surprisingly most public speakers are shaking inside. They jus learn how to hide it.

Hi GodsNotDead,

No I haven't practiced in front of a mirror, I try my best to avoid looking in them.  I'll have to look up Toastmasters, I've heard the name but I don't know what it is. :)

Thank you


I know what you mean about mirrors.  Try asking a friend to let you practice on them.  Or invest in glasses that have a mirror inside so they can see in but you can't see out.  Might be some thing you need to invent. 

Toastmasters International helps develope speaking and leader skills.  They have workshops all over the world. 


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