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My wife left, I need guidance
My wife left me last Thursday night, while I was at work. I came home sick early, only to find all of her stuff, and her gone. I have been in contact with her and found out what drove her away, and what scared her about me.
My behavior, and attitude started getting bad when I was hurt at work, and had to have surgery. I felt like I could do nothing right, and I began a downhill journey. I became extreemly depressed nearly all the time, and began to question my wife's motives on things. I would not trust her, because she was avoiding me, due to the fact that I would always be asking for sex, and getting even more depressed when she would say no. I had several outbursts of anger, towards inanimate objects, but it was wrong of me to do that, especially in front of my wife (no I have not been sexually or physically abusive to her, but I can see now where her fear that it could happen came from). I started drinking to numb the pain from my lack of trust, and I became more and more self distructive.
I am seeking guidance. She has moved out into an apartment of her own, and has asked that I give her space. Sunday she said she still loves me, but had to protect her self. She said that not all hope is lost.
What I seek is guidance. How I should move forward to start dealing with these issues, AND guilt from my past. I have asked God for forgiveness, and I believe that he does forgive. I'm having trouble with forgiving myself, and beating myself up over past mistakes, and now along with these current ones. I think having friends in Christ will help to guide me in the right direction. I need GOD to give me the strength to carry on, make the changes I need to make in my life, FOR HIM, and to make ammends with my wife. I love my wife so much, that this hurts (and I know she is hurting too) and I pray that GOD will give us both the strength to do the right thing in his eyes.
Thank you for reading,
Dave
My behavior, and attitude started getting bad when I was hurt at work, and had to have surgery. I felt like I could do nothing right, and I began a downhill journey. I became extreemly depressed nearly all the time, and began to question my wife's motives on things. I would not trust her, because she was avoiding me, due to the fact that I would always be asking for sex, and getting even more depressed when she would say no. I had several outbursts of anger, towards inanimate objects, but it was wrong of me to do that, especially in front of my wife (no I have not been sexually or physically abusive to her, but I can see now where her fear that it could happen came from). I started drinking to numb the pain from my lack of trust, and I became more and more self distructive.
I am seeking guidance. She has moved out into an apartment of her own, and has asked that I give her space. Sunday she said she still loves me, but had to protect her self. She said that not all hope is lost.
What I seek is guidance. How I should move forward to start dealing with these issues, AND guilt from my past. I have asked God for forgiveness, and I believe that he does forgive. I'm having trouble with forgiving myself, and beating myself up over past mistakes, and now along with these current ones. I think having friends in Christ will help to guide me in the right direction. I need GOD to give me the strength to carry on, make the changes I need to make in my life, FOR HIM, and to make ammends with my wife. I love my wife so much, that this hurts (and I know she is hurting too) and I pray that GOD will give us both the strength to do the right thing in his eyes.
Thank you for reading,
Dave
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kim Lisowski on
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Dave,
I am so sorry you are going through this. Come visit my site www.theappleyouwerefed.com
What if I told you you were reacting out of the biggest lie of your life, and how understanding that lie will help to restore you to God. Leave me an email when you get there. There is help and support for you. I am praying for you and your wife.
Kim
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Permalink Reply by Andre on
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I personnaly know how you feel Dave.
You made your asking which is step number one.
Now you need to trust HIS decision HIS ways.
In the meantime stay with friends right here.
I pray for you.
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Permalink Reply by Mandy on
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Dear Dave, if you have asked for forgiveness and believe that God has given that to you; you must also forgive yourself, or God's forgiveness does not become real. If you are truly sorry and want to make the changes needed cont. with your faith, and prayers. If you have the means to buy inspirational tapes to listen to, they can really help. I work in a tough environment, that is hard not to get frustrated in. I listen to my Christian tapes on the way to work and they stay with me every day. And when I am walking into the building at work, I pray to God to give me the courage to avoid conflict with those that are hostile around me. Pray, pray, pray. And I will pray for you also. It is important to pray for others also.
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Permalink Reply by Pastor Bob B on
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I just read through your story and all that everyone has shared. There is a organization that is really helpful for those facing separation or divorce. It is called divorce care (www.divorcecare.com). This is a real helpful ministry if you’re going to go down that path.
This is a very difficult time you are facing and unless someone was in your shoes they could never truly understand all that you are going through. You are most likely experiencing alot of mixed emotions, and trying to re-evaluate your life. No matter, what your life is not going to be the same again. Jeremiah 6:16 was a scripture that I was faced with. Stand at the crossroad, choose the ancient path, and where the best road is and you will live in peace. Ask God to show you the first step he wants you to take in the best path and walk in it. I still have to take one step at a time, one day at a time. Do not deal with life alone any more. If you could have found some one you could have trusted, who could have helped early on maybe you wouldn't be where you are now. That was then and this is now and you must find someone who you can be accountable to, who you will let be close enough to set you straight when you need it. It was a good thing you reached out in this net, it was a step on the right path.
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Permalink Reply by Milena on
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Dave, God will put you and your wife together, god already has forgiving you and you got to trust him on this, I don't know if you read my forum, "Please pray for my Husband", I am in a worse situation, at least your wife has still hope to work it out and all she wants is space, just let her be for now people need that, I told my husband to leave because he wanted a break from me so that is what I decided to do is for him to leave, his stuff still here but I do miss him so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You guys should look into going to a Christian counselor, I am still seeing one and she has helped me because its done through our lord. I know it hurts Dave, I am there now and believe me as much as my husband does not acknowledge me I know its hurting him too. I will pray for you and your wife. He is in Control.
God Bless you DAve
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Permalink Reply by Dave on
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She filed for divorce shortly after she left me (one week to be exact). She had absolutely no intention of returning to the relationship at all, as they paid for the entire cost of the divorce, and atourney fees up front.
She told a bunch of lies to her family and friends to get them on her side, and made me appear as an abusive person, not just potentially abusive.
I have went through the begging phase, the anger phase, the denial phase, and now the acceptance phase.... and I have forgiven her for how much she has hurt me.
I am moving forward with my life, keeping my heart open to God's word. I will continue to walk in faith... Recently God decided it was time to end my Grandfather's suffering, and bring him home to him. Really, if it had happened any other time, I would not have been able to handle it. But I know, he is in a better place.
I do keep her in my prayers, to keep her safe and free from harm. Their will always be a place in my heart for her, even when/if i move past this.
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Permalink Reply by Emmanuel Abiodun on
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The bible says with God all things are possible. Seek His face and he will definately see you through.
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Well, a final update to this thread.
The divorce is now final, although this is not what I wanted at all.
I, like others in my situation, have tried and tried to figure out what this all means...
I am really unsure about my life at this point, where to turn next.
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Brother, you can still hope and pray for your marriage to be restored even in your situation. If she is not remarried I believe scripturally we can still hope for restoration. My heart goes out to you, I have been separated for 2 years and in the natural it appears that eventually it could happen to me also. I have come to the point where no matter what happens it will not change who I am and what I have become through the step by step process God has brought me through. I am responsible for my happiness and will never surrender that responsibility to anyone ever again. Check out the support group; Support for those facing separation, divorce, or loss of a spouse. If I can be of help please let me know. Bob
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Permalink Reply by Edward on
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Dave,
Where to turn? Turn to Christ. I won't try to tell you what comes next because only God knows. However, having been through a similar thing in the past, I can only tell you that what you need to focus on more than anything right now is what God wants for your life. Sometimes we forget why we're here in the first place. If you remain true to Him, you will find more joy than you ever thought possible. I once thought my life was over, but God blesses me more every day. The best advice I can give you is take from each experience the lesson God wants you to learn and ask Him to give you wisdom. Be strong, and take time to study God's Word. Realize that perhaps what God wants for you couldn't be yours until you walked this path. Ask God what's next. The answer just might amaze you.
IHS,
Ed
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