A new day!!

Easter was my day to come to the Lord. I had hated religion and everything to do with Christians, which also meant that I hated Christ. What an awful thing. I hadn't realized the damage I was doing and how far I had moved away from the Lord. After watching a drama about the crucifixion, I got to hear the shouts and jeers of the crowd that had been gathered around Jesus as he hung on the cross, and the black energy that poured from the hearts and minds of those gathered. I was appalled and my heart was ripped and bleeding, surely as his must have been. I felt at that moment that I was one of those in the crowd, saying and thinking awful things about my Lord, as if I was really there and had thrust a jagged spear into his heart myself. I couldn't get far enough away from the things I had said and done over the years, and still it weighs deeply on my soul. I can't even begin to describe the emotions that have gone through me since. I cried and poured my heart out to God that day, foresaking my whole life and wanting nothing more to do with my earthly existence as I had known it up until that moment. I felt his warmth and light pour over me, bathing me in his love and glory, of which I felt I wasn't deserving. He would have none of it, letting me know that he loved me endlessly, regardless of what I had done or might do with the rest of my life. He let me know that I was his child, his loved one, that I was not the waste of space I believed myself to be. Now, I feel that it is my unquestioning duty to give my life to God, to allow him to guide my thoughts, words, and actions. My life is his to use, to give unwavering Glory to Him in all I do and all I am. I am nothing without Him, and want for nothing except Him! Praise be to God in the highest!!! Lord, bless me to do your work, and to not think of myself as I do so....for it is all about You!