My letter for her Tita (Auntie)....for Successful Parenting

July 30, 2008

Dear Tita (Auntie),

Good Day!

How’s your life now? How you viewed the world today? Can you answer me? Just kidding and I’d like you to answer that in your own thought. Thanks…

Anyway, last July 12, 2008 at around 7:45pm the first time I visited/entered in your house and thanks so much for your kind acceptance/welcome to me, in return I’d like to express my heartfelt Thank you through this letter and to share with you what’s my life and my dreams/plan, and about what’s happening to me and the people surround me.

My life and dreams…
My life before her, I love to be alone I can do all things I wanted to do Monday – Saturday I’m working in day and home at night, if I have time on Saturday I’ll visit church in 5pm. Then Sunday Morning I jogged going to shrine in order to pray, that’s my favorite habit. When I jog I don’t just run but I run with full of wide mind, I mean thinking of my dreams (Soldier or Priest) but I run while saying “Lord I run going to nowhere but I’m hoping to find you anywhere”. That’s my dreams, actually I considered myself as fully equip if I go for training either Priest or Soldier I already have a resources for these two dreams, anytime that the God send me either of that dreams I believe that I could succeed. That’s me. Hehehe Well, I just want live my life in a simple but decent way of living.

My Principle…
“Sorry I really love myself, the reason why I really love to share that love to anyone.”

My Family…
We’re four (4). The simple thing I could describe to my family is we are all “FRIEND”. My Kuya is my no. 1 Best friend. The only thing evolve in our family is “LOVE”. That’s all.
But the worst is we didn’t live together. hehehe…..

My Friends…
I have a lot of friends; I have 2 guys and 1 girl best-friend, and many more … some of them I called Ate and they called me Kuya. Each and every day they’d texted and forwarded me any kind of messages but I save the messages that related with life. I love talking about life.

Anyway, I’d to put aside all those things and focus for G.A. “Jesus left the 99 sheep’s, just to look the one who lost”. I Still remember when one of my friends (April) ask me after she saw the name of G.A. in my text message Signature (Ask Grace Ann what’s that Signature in our text message. Thanks). She (April) ask me “Kirl…, Grace is your Girlfriend?” I’d replied without any doubt and said “Yes, that’s the one who takes my everything”. Then, I realized that I’ll already forget myself because of G.A. hehehe…

My best friends are gone; because G.A. is a jealousy girl I minimized texting and communicating with my friends. My relation with my brother there’s a little hole/gap. My best cousin Daryl, we do only communicate if there’s something important to ask with each other, unlike before. My dreams are gone. All people surrounded me, they don’t understand me anymore.

Ta, I’m just telling you this, without any reason behind and I don’t want to blame anyone, especially Grace I don’t want to blame her. In fact, because of her there are a lot of changes in my life and myself, I know now how deep the love of God to us, my faiths grows and grow. The simple thing I could describe to myself is “I’m not a human nature; I’m living now with the guide of Holy Spirit and in lined with the God’s mind”. God knows everything about me. His words/promises are my strength. I don’t want to elaborate these things bcoz I know you’re more knowledgeable than to me.

GAGC – Name of Girl
I understand her, I understand her…. I had tried to act like her, I tried to get her emotion, and I entered myself in her life. Now I see how beautiful soul living inside her. That’s why I love her without making any move I got her.
When I tried to live like her, there are some questions that came in my mind, hope you can answer this too. It goes like this; “Dear God, can You help me? Can anybody help me? What's happening to me? I don't understand. Everything is so difficult, and I'm so, so down. I don't understand these things going on inside of me--all these feelings I get, and so many emotions. This pressure is too much. All these hassles!
No matter how hard I try to do my best, it's just not good enough. Sometimes I just don't know how I can please my Tita anymore--she expects such perfection. I really don't want to complain, but I just feel like renting a help sometimes.
Does anyone care about me? I sure could use some love and appreciation instead of getting all this criticism, and people always getting on my case. I know I blow it, but how can I change? I'm so confused and wrapped up in such a scrambled mess. I try to please my Tita and I try to please my relatives, but I don't do good at either. Nothing seems to work and I always seem to mess up. I'm always doing badly things and getting another instruction.
I'm in a hole and I can't get out, no matter how hard I try. Besides, what's the use?--Everybody's got me so labeled anyhow. It seems like all the bad kids are the ones that get all the attention. Maybe that's the way to go. It's so hard to be good.
I really don't like just doing nothing. When I get away and drink while enjoyed watching the smoke of my cigarette, at least I can forget about everything for a few short moments that way. The only thing is, I still feel so, so empty inside. I feel so bad.
I wish I could talk to somebody about these problems, but who would ever understand? Or who's got the time? I feel so confused, like a real misfit. What's happening to me? I'm so confused. I feel so lonely. Is this growing up? All these things I feel and these changes in my body--it's freaky, and scary, too. Does anybody understand how I feel? Who can help me? Does anybody have the time?
Sometimes I want to fly away! But, really, deep inside, I want to do something with my life. It just seems so hard. I want to make a difference, I just don't know how.
I need help! I feel like I have so much inside of me, but nobody will listen. There are so many things I want to do--places to go and see, people to meet, things to experience. Isn't there somebody that can help me through all this? I feel I need someone to guide me.
I must be doing something wrong, but what is it? Who can help me? Why do I feel like this? Is it because You don't love me as much as You love others? God, I'm scared. The world is scary, and everything looks so difficult. Sometimes, I wanted to die, the reason why I’d always tried to cut my wrist. What's gonna become of me?

That would be the insight that I got from her as a young teen mind and heart; I still be wondering what concrete steps I can take to show her that I understand her. What can I do to make myself more relatable?

But before anything else and go to my actions, have you remember this message… “A boy was in danger of being drowned while swimming in a river. Seeing a traveler on the bank, he called to him for help, but the man started to lecture him about swimming alone in dangerous places. "Rescue me now," cried the boy, "you can lecture me when I am safe!"

We all know that in the adult world, resolving differences often requires that we go halfway to meet the other person. But when dealing with her as a teen, you might find you have to go nearly all the way over to her side, in the sense of giving her understanding as you work to show her that you love her and care about her happiness especially in the future—but for me sometimes, not what you think should make her happy, but the things she enjoy doing when she’s on her own.
Life is a great big school of hard knocks, but one thing I’ve learned from Accounting just to” Balance Everything”, anyway, just like what you said; (kaya marami ang mga mahihirap), so it's understandable for me that you want her to get under the physical load like you carry around the house or be like the other children. After all, you think, before too much longer she’s going to be facing the big bad world, a place where nobody makes your bed or picks up your laundry, cooks your food or lets you sleep late once in awhile. It's true Ta…that Grace does need to learn self-discipline, as well as acquire good working habits. Having said that, though, you might find you need to heartily fill up the other side of the space. But what might that be? For me I think its simply letting her have fun.
Uhhmmm….Adolescence is an age of denial. Adolescents' bodies, minds and emotions are all growing at different rates, and you can't expect to know exactly where GA is, when she don't even know. I think one thing is certain with almost all teens like her, though, and that is that they have a great space for a lot of pure fun. You can supply her with a lot of opportunities to fill that space, thereby sending the message that you understand her needs in this area. Once you've done that, and shown through your actions that you're eager to provide/sacrifice her with as much opportunity as possible to enjoy their lives while she’s young, you'll find that she will be much more open to the other side of the scale, the hard work and helping-to-carry-the-load side. When she knows that you recognize her needs and do your best/sacrifice to fill her, she’ll be more willing to recognize your needs for helping around the house, or to even take over once in awhile so you can take some time off.
Once she sees that side of you, she'll be more sympathetic to the side that has had to grow up, and she’ll be more willing to help as well. Rescue her first, before teaching her. The status of G.A she needs a rescuer now because she’s already in danger. I committed my life now to be with you and save her.

Last July 20, 2008 (Sunday) I ask her thru text, what you really want for me to do or do you want my life deAr? She answered me this “I want all” (July 20, 2008 21:34:44). Hope you understand why she’s still looking for something.

Well, here’s the other side, you feel that something is wrong, but she won't tell you what the matter is. You wish you could believe that she is being honest with you. Here are my questions and I’m still looking for more answers. What can I do to encourage her to come to me/you and tell me/you her problems? How do I help her know I love her no matter what, and that she can be honest with me? I think, this is a common concern of parents like you.

I want to be gradually closed off and then locked out to her inner life, how about you? I think parents and their children can learn to grow together, rather than apart. But this will take a great deal of communicating and understanding, plus give and take by the parents and their teens.

I think in our part, we/you must continually upgrade your/my thinking, reevaluate our relationship and try to perceive the new emerging person that GA is becoming. GA is changing, developing, growing before her eyes. Uhmmm…keeping up with the growth and change in a young person can be very challenging. It is not just a matter of physical changes and hormonal changes, but there are many other deep emotional, mental, social and spiritual changes taking place as well. To keep in step with her, we/you must constantly be reassessing our/your relationship and looking for new insight and new ways to RELATE to her, and develop a new set of expectations. To keep up with a changing G.A, we/you have to adapt and change right along with her.

I got read some articles when I was a college I just don’t remember what kind of a book is it. “Probably one of the greatest influences on our lives is our children. They influence us to do good, be good, and try to show them what's right.” And here’s mine “Grow together if you don't want to grow apart”. Uhmmm…it is so hard to ask this to you Ta…but I try and just answer this in your own. Can you forget that you are a parent, adjust your role as she grow, and act as her friend? Your relationship with her can't remain a parent-child relationship; it has to change to a parent-friend or a friend-to-friend relationship. You must let go of your parent role somewhat if you want to get through to and communicate with her. GA must feel that you understand her as a person or your friend.
In the eyes of teens like GA, independence come to her through breaking out of the parent-child relationships she had with you. She feels she needs to break out of this mold in order to grow and become independent, thinking people. From my research, “Parents who want to keep the parent-child relationships as they are, who want their children to remain subject to them and their ways, will find it increasingly difficult to communicate with their growing, changing "children."

Wooo…so hirap…..heheheh but we must Upgrade our approach and programs just like a computer nowadays, we’re in modern era, and the computers needs maintenance and upgrading.
Ta…writing this NOT to show you that you’re wrong but I’m writing this as my guideline also and I just want to share this to you and this is what I am suppose to do with her, but you’re there and living with her. You have the key; the key to keeping up communications is to keep up to date with what is happening in her lives. We/you should be aware of her activities. Pop into her world to see how and what she is doing. I know, you also know this but I need to continue writing. Do things with her that she likes to do. Be considerate to her. Keep reevaluating and deepening your relationship with her. But keep monitoring yourself as to what you are doing with her and how many times you get angry with her. How you treat her? How you talk to her? Is it in calm way? What are the words you used is it related with financial? If you found that some questions is related with you, we must build a common understanding, this is very big thing/part of communication I’ve learned from GA she has a very deep and wide mind, the reason why every statement I used to say or lecture her is I deeply analyze and use her own thought what could be the her reactions, she’s so sensitive. If she thinks there is little in common, then she thinks you won't understand her. I tell you, she might not be honest to you.

As what I’ve said GA is very sensitive and easily get angry and cant’ control her temper. Every time we have conflict I used to avoid expressing very strong opinions. If I feel I must give my opinion, I state it in dispassionately as possible; I leave lots of indication that the door is still open for further discussion. I avoid passing judgment or laying down laws during that time. I just focus on trying to understand her and communicate her and…….understand her.
If my family didn’t view her as a "person" I view her as a person and a soul, I’m reaching out, trying to understand, and makes her feel more mature, and I’ll always show to her a special place of her importance in my life. She feel good when she see that I view her as a "person" and I respect her with insight and understanding, someone who can be called upon for help and counsel. Hope you can do this too, if she sees you do not think of her as just your children, but more than--as friend. Showing to her a respect is very important in laying a foundation for communication. When she feels you respect her, she feels she can trust you with the more difficult or personal matters or situations she faces. If she gets angry, I used to communicate with love and understanding words are not the only way to communicate your love and win her trust. There are a lot of other ways. And here’s what I learned from peer counselor organization. “Try to catch her eyes. Use your eyes to show her your love. Don't give her an accusatory or hurt look which probes for guilt or wrong--but give her loving, understanding, encouraging looks. Let her hear by the tone of your voice that you do love her and you do understand. Actually, it is not how much you communicate with her but that you do communicate with her. Try to touch base with her in some way each day--via a look, a touch, an encouraging word--then build on this. It will grow! Give her the help and support she need. At this age she’s very insecure and feels like she is being thrown on a troubled sea. She’s looking for the lighthouse. Be her beacon!
Hug her often…. She needs a constant supply of encouragement. When you felt she’s in happy mood enter in her inner world and celebrate with her. At that moment the important is not what you truly felt against her but what she really felt.

Love
July 12, 2008, the first time I visited/entered in your house, while I’m walking in the aisle of your garden I saw lots of green leaves and beautiful flowers. You’re a gardener too, right? I think that would be a great example I can use for taking care of her. Uhmmm…Ta…my hand got already dirty but I love it, and I’m willing to continue to let my hand dirty, in literal way I burned my palm using cigarette and that’s a cigarette of G.A, because that’s what she want to do for herself and in order to show her that I’m with her I’d burned my palm also, but because she love me she don’t want me to do it again. Then, I tell her “if you don’t do it in yourself, I won’t do it into myself too”. Then, I don’t see any mark of cigarette in her palm.
Anyway, that’s not my point for being a gardener and has dirty hands. As gardener, don't give up! Just get in there and don't worry about getting your hands dirty. It is a bit like gardening you do in your flowers--you can't really be a gardener unless you are willing to get your hands dirty, right…?hehehe Plants aren't going to thrive or grow if all the gardener is willing to do is just watch them and water them. Sometimes plants need re-potting because their roots are getting too long and numerous for the pot they're in, or the soil they are in needs to be changed because it has lost its nutrients or is getting moldy.
So, it is with growing young people like GA--she may need some personal attention from someone who isn't afraid to get right in there and help her find solutions to her problems. Sometimes she gets tangled up and just can't help her selves, and she needs the help of the gardener. Watch out for her like you do watches out for the warning signs--leaves turning yellow or getting spotted or drying up, soil getting moldy or plants drooping from insufficient water. There are shade plants, and there are sun plants; there are plants that need a lot of water, and there are others that hardly need any. There are plants that need much care and have to be misted daily. Then there are cacti that hardly need any care.
Uhmmmm…Our/Your part is to just be a faithful, loving, caring gardener--to keep our/your eye on those plants and do what you/we can to help tend and care for them. The gardener learns what she/he can do, and does what he can to help the plants.

I’ll do want she wanted me to do, and sometimes there’s something that she wanted me to do but its in fact she’s not. Just like your flowers you must know what could be their needs in order to grow more. Last July 20, 2008 I love seeing you caring your flowers.

Love even though in silence
I’ll always keep putting my heart into talking and communicating with her. Give her a few signs of affection--a hug, a kiss, a touch or pat, an expression of warmth. In a minute I’m mouthing her saying (ILOVEYOU) even in a crowd but no one knows but it’s only me and G.A. Each day I think lowest number of ILOVEYOU we say to each other is 15 or 10 times.hehehe And if I don’t have a time to be with her, I’ll do my job but I gave an extra effort for sacrificing to show her that I’m there, that I care, that it is okay, I’m listening, I’m watching out for and doing things for both of us. All these help her feel more secure, even if she does not openly admit it or react as if she does. But I felt it…

You as a parent should try this too. Keep putting your heart into talking and communicating with her. Give her a few signs of affection--a hug, a kiss, a touch or pat, an expression of warmth. Just let her know you are there, that you care, that it is okay, you are listening, you are watching out for her. All these help her feel more secure too, even if she do not openly admit it to you. Sometimes she do not want to react or show too much weakness to you, because she know that will bring out the parent side in you and put her right back in the role of being children.
Uhmmm.. I repeat “You and G.A. don't have to grow apart if you learn to grow together”.
I don’t know what verse on the Bible can locate this but I know it’s written, "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, in case they be discouraged".

Love, encourage, correct and reassure her as she moves towards independence.
Adolescence can be an emotionally stormy time, and we should try our best to not get pulled into a teen tempest. Try to stay cool under fire and look for ways to work with her rather than against her. G.A. is can’t control her temper, and when it came to you hope you can control yourself not to get angry too. Ta…I know you’re a parent and higher in everything compared to her, but can you do this “let yourself down”, I believe that when she felt that you’re down with her, she will lift you up. Because G.A. doesn’t want to put down the people surround her, (friends, and most especially her family) she has a good heart I see and felt that. When you do that here’s the greatest pain that you will received, the negative comments and perception of your friends and other people surround you. But here’s I want you to put in your mind always, “Father forgives them they didn’t know what I’m doing”. That’s a powerful words that I used to be my strength when my parents, brother, and my friends criticize me when I love G.A. by doing that, she will feel the love from you, love not in terms of giving gifts, love not in terms of giving party, love not in terms of giving (Baon) money, love not in terms of sending her to school, love not in terms just to show to others, but a love that even how big a cake can’t exchange it or even the people around you can’t understand that kind of love, it’s a love that no one knows but you and the God the Father. I know it’s so hard to do that, but I tell you, please don’t wait the eyes of G.A. to be drain by tears and it will close forever. SORRY to say that.

I’ll always cherish our moments together,
/:/Morning/:/
264 hours and 54 minutes
166 Days
23 Weeks and 5 days
5 Months and 15 days

-I’m yours, and you’re mine-
+beyond forever+
This is our Time Counting, every time we been together.
I keep reminding myself that G.A. is growing up and soon she may go her own way and might find other guy. So, the moments we have together are precious and should be positive and memorable once we can all look back on and cherish. I don't fight over trivial matters. It is just not important. Even if I think it is important to have an argument about something—I stop! First I try to love her. I show her love, even in a storm. Love never fails! I may be very upset, but she’s likely worried and confused too. Again from Bible, "A soft answer turns away wrath". But not means that being calm never fails; love never fails.
Arguments fail! Expectations fail. Giving orders fails. But love never fails. I try to get pass my anger. I try not to be too set in my ways and too predictable in my negative reactions. I only predictable in my love for her, if she’ secure in my love, and this will be a good foundation upon which problems can be worked out on us. I stay open, approachable and give her opportunities to talk to me. I learned from military manual, “people can easily angry and its true, but they’d not know how to get angry at the right place, right time, right situation, and at the people”. I get angry, if I’m sure she will learn, and I try not to get angry just to make her fear with me.

I realized how hard it is to be with G.A, and the burdens and frustrations I felt. She can drive me up the wall at times! But I keep trying to reach her and relate to her. I try to get on her level and be one of her friends. I believe I can develop a link, a connection, and then I can start getting through to her and making some real progress.
And I believe that frustration is the price I have to pay when I’d be with G.A. That's just the way it sometimes is; that's just a fact of life. Huh…….I remembered the scripture last Sunday (July 20, 2008) (The weeds and the wits) maybe she’s one of the weeds growing with us. God the Father don’t want to get it from our life, and it’s written “Maybe because of you, she will be saved”. Perseverance pays, anyway…
My knowledge and experience comes from years of ups and downs, successes and failures, and quite a few trying situations, whereas G.A. just starting out. I keep in mind that patience can help me. Hope, you try not to compare her with other students; this is what she really hates, she’s right we should accept the reality that we’re unique and have a lost of differences. My style is I shouldn’t let myself get overly frustrated about these things. I just focus to her.
I’ve got my mold and you got your own, I’ve got my ideas and you got your ideas about how she should be or act, but we can’t expect even G.A. to be that way, to be just like us and totally conform to our ideals. We may need to start changing our perspective. We admire about her—for how well she do in spite of the pressures and difficulties she face.

We should learn to see as God sees, just like this way; “I (God) overlook the faults and imperfections. I see the heart. I know the heart of each one. I have the ability to see way down into the center of the soul and see the beauty. I do not look for the imperfections; I do not look for the flesh but the spirit. I have created each soul, each spirit. Each one is of Me; each one is My work, the work of My hands. Therefore should I not know each one intimately? Should I not know the very center of each heart and every fiber of each one's being?
But you cannot always see that inner hidden beauty. You cannot know exactly what is within another. That is what you have to take by faith. What I know by fact, what I see as fact--the beauty that I see--that you must take by faith. Granted, there may be rubble piled on top. There are imperfections and there are things that need improving. But if you look with the eyes of faith and believe, you will see beyond outward appearance, outward actions or outward speech and begin to see as I see.”

The reason why I love G.A. not being as a human but I love her as a lost soul, I repeat, even “Jesus left the 99 sheep’s just to look the one who lost.”

Last question, how to resolve this crisis? Ta…how? Uhmmm…I remember your text message; “Kirl in terms of lectures, I would say I’m thru, pwede ikaw naman she might listen to you”. I don’t want o be boastful to you Ta...but I guess one of my ability is to see the real problem in a problem, but yeah…you can correct me in any way. I think, she’s quite bitter about the breakup of the marriage of her true parents or she’s looking the love of the father, the reason why she becoming more and more short-tempered and disrespectful towards you. You don’t seem to be able to get along. You don’t know what to do. You want to talk to her, but what can you say, she’s always angry.
Despite of that what she shows to you, THANK YOU Ta…you accept the pain that suppose to be, this pain is for her real mom/parents. But you accept and carry it in your wounded heart, and you’re still there watching/supporting/giving foods/shelter her. Even though, you don’t have a partner to taking care of her and even she’s not came from your own blood. I would say you’re more responsible and one of the greatest Mom compared to a thousands of Mom who have a husband and who have their own children but can’t handle the aspect of their life as being a Mom. In behalf of G.A I say THANK YOU. Anticipating you to be my 2nd Mom.hehehehe…. just kidding.
However, in your text it seems that you’re asking me to take over G.A. for giving her advices, but I think I can’t do that without you, just like my reply to you, right? Well, I just want to share to you my plans and actions to be implemented for this matter. All I can do is showing love to her and I always consider the most important is the communication, a communication not just talking but a communication with love and very deep understanding on her thoughts and my own thoughts. Because of G.A I learned how to Love the unlovely, I show her unconditional love. I show care and compassion, and love her in spite of her unlovely moments and unloving attitudes towards me or to you. I got another thought on how the Son of God (Jesus) loves us. “I, Jesus, care for you, and I will bring you through these troubled waters. I will help you to see things in a different perspective. You look at what seems to be disrespect and rejection, but in spite of all her willfulness, she still needs to know you care and are there for her when she needs you—not just when It’s convenient for you, but even when it costs you the most to give your time and attention. When sees you SACRIFICING for her time and again, her heart will see that YOU really do care and YOU are not just doing it because you are “stuck with her”.

I want to go out and doing things together with both of you on neutral ground. I wan to try doing things where we can just be friends, and avoid situations where there is a big struggle with each of us trying to be in control.

I want both of you “start a fresh”, Ta…I’m begging to you hope you can, you can sit down and open your heart to her to break the ice. Tell her, "To start over in your relationship. It is your responsibility to provide for her the best you can, and to care for her. But part of caring for her is helping to steer her away from things you/we think will harm her. Tell her you want to make it as easy for her as you can, but it's a two-way street right? I mean both of you need to be able to get along and be more of a help and support to each other. You need her. You need her companionship. You need her help. We all know she needs you too. So if both of you learn to give a bit to each other, to meet each other halfway and be concerned about the welfare of the other, then you'll both be happier.
"Please try to be more what she need, and be more concerned about what makes her happy and I'll try to accommodate her wishes too the best I can. But not everything is going to be all rosy. Life is full of difficult situations and challenges. Not all goes the way we like. You know that. We need to learn to take what is good, and keep going in spite of the hardships and misunderstandings. Neither of you can have it all in own way. Ta…we are in a partnership or you’ll be both are partners too.
"She may think it's your entire fault that her life is the way it is now, but that's not really so. You did make many mistakes, for which you need to ask truly sorry. You know you could have done things better and been a better parent to her. But, you still got a lot to learn too. You’re both still learning and growing. Ask her to put up you, and you'll put up her also or you’ll do more than that. You care for her, as you truly do love her and care what happens to her. You want the best for her. You want her to grow up knowing that you love her a lot.
Can please tell her this…"I'm sorry I haven't always been here to talk things out with you like I should have been. I'm sorry you're hurting and wishing things were different, but this is the challenge that we are faced with. This is what we have to overcome as a team. In spite of our difficulties and misunderstandings, we can overcome and have a happier, better life if we want to and are willing to work at it. I know I don't always see things from your perspective, but please give me a chance. Please try to see that I love you no matter what. I want you to feel free to open up and let me know what you're feeling. And if you feel I'm getting a bit too intense and need to lighten up, then just write me a note or something. Let me know the way you're feeling."

And then take the time to fully hear her out, in spite of the way she expresses herself and the hurtful way she comes across, this could be the most critical for you listen even when it hurts. Anyway, if you will take the time to get to know what is on her heart and mind, you will understand her concerns. In spite of her attitude, deep down inside she really does care what you think. She wants you to love her, and she wants to be able to count on you. Be willing to share a life with her--not resenting her or the circumstances, but rather keep giving and giving--even if it hurts. Enjoy living life together as a family, loving each other and looking out for each other's well-being.

I enjoy my life with her, I do not carry the unnecessary weight of trying to win her love. I love, and I know I will be loved in return. I give, and I’ll wait be given too. I should learn to enjoy life more with her, and life will become more enjoyable. I’ll always find joy to her by setting aside time to be with her--have special times to laugh and let my shoulder down and show that we do love each other and enjoy each other's company.
For your part, I know you need each other; don't be afraid to let each of you know that. It will help strengthen your relationship and bring you through the rough times. Encourage her and let her know how special she is to you, that you like her company and enjoy being with her. Surprise her from time to time with fun treats and tokens of your love that show that you think about her and want to make her happy. You're not trying to win her love with presents, but just showing her little signs of your love.
You can't see the big picture clearly yet, but know that you never lose by loving, by believing, by being there, by being honest, by caring, by correcting, by encouraging, by being a true parent to her.
God never gives up on us or stops loving us no matter how far we've strayed, and that's the way He wants us to be with our family/children/friends. Like the 2nd highest commandment “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”. Love unconditionally, and love the unlovely.
Take this to your heart! Don't worry about tomorrow, for I (GOD) will supply all that you need. I will help you carry the burdens and problems of life that weigh you down, the things that trouble and concern you. You know I care, for I have given you a precious child so that you can see and feel and know how I care for you. You're Mine, and I won't let you go. No matter how bad you feel you are, you are never beyond My ability to help you make it through. The future will be yours, for your children are a very important part of your future.
The secret to raise her to be happy, well-behaved, and well-adjusted G.A. is actually quite simple—LOVE. It knows how to apply that love that isn't always so straightforward or easy. But Love never fails, one of the powerful words of God the Father that I’d hold is--- “1 Corinthians 13:1-8 and 13. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not Love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but I have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails…and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of this is LOVE”.

I think I’m done, why did I write this, because I love her? Or because I love you both. Why did God shape my life and be a part of her life? Is it because He challenged me? Or He show me how weak I am if can’t handle this. Why all these things happen? Is it because I chose to love G.A. or is it because God is so powerful and I can’t control my own life. In my prayer I’ll always say---“Let your will be done”.

I let myself to write this, it’s because I truly care for both of you, I learned from Albert Einstein “Strange is our situation here upon on earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there’s one we don’t know; that man is here for the sake of other men!” Here’s mine “We have a short visit here on earth, but we have a lot of time to lead, motivate, respect, understand, care, help, ask forgiveness and to forgive and to LOVE each other.” Hehehe.. When you would like to begin with these things? I love reading leadership books and here’s another thought I’d like to share to you---“The Best time to plant a tree is twenty-five years ago…the second Best time is today”.

Ta..here’s the very important one, “I DON’T WANT BOTH OF YOU END UP INTO NOTHING”.

Ta…This is all I can say….I’m anticipating your forgiveness to all the hurtful statement I used to say. Hope through this letter I could help you. I can’t write this if you and G.A. did not come into my life. I think this could be my easiest way to help you before anything will change, at least I could leave something for you. Here’s one thing for sure I love Grace Ann…

I’m really Sorry for the wrong grammars. This is the first time in my life to write a letter and with almost 10 pages. Hoping your kind consideration. Hehehe

Last July 27, 2008 I’m happy to be with you and eating breakfast and dinner in your house hehehe…baga nako ug face sige lang ko kaon diha sa inyo. Ulaw na ko.Hohoho… and July 30, 2008 she (G.A) gave me a birthday gift (Polo-Penshoppe) “ulaw gihapon ko”- im shy…. but I’m so happy to have that gift especially from her. Thank you for both of you.

Love and always pray…


Nonoy Kirl David A. Libutaque
Stranger