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Rejection Again. Next up?

So, having my heart crushed isn't bad enough. Now one of my best friends needs a "break" from me. With all of this stuff going on with my ex, she feels "bitter" and "unhappy" when she's around me. I drain her. I guess I was wrong when I thought one of the pros of having close friends is being able to lean on them in times of weakness. I know I've been depressed and I brought this heartache on myself and I'm sure I'm not one of the most pleasant people to be around when I'm feeling down in the dumps, but she's vented to me about frustrations in her life too. I didn't bail out on her. And ironically, she's my only "Christian" friend. Last friend I thought who would bail out on me. I'm just at the point where I feel rejected/unloved/unwanted blah, blah, blah. I know there are tons of people out there fighting harder battles and my problems are miniscule, but none the less, I feel like crap and would love nothing more than to disappear. I feel so alone. I know everyone goes through crap, but I'm to the point where I'm going to learn to not feel anymore. To not care. If they can send a man to outer space, surely I can learn to manipulate the chemicals in my brain or to alter the pattern of my emotions. I gotta do something because I'm too weak to deal with the emotions of rejection and loneliness anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm not getting any stronger by "working through it." It sucks every single time.

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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on July 17, 2012 at 12:20pm

 

Brother Stephen has summarized it well. You are looking for evidence to believe and God may work through the evidence you see in the natural that supports the claims of Christianity, but truly is the other way around. As my bro has quoted, we can't even see the kingdom of God much less enter it, if we are not born again. I have heard testimonies of people being born again as they sought evidence for our precious faith.

 

Repent and believe in Him who died in your place. He is holy and in him there is no sin and we will all face him one day and give an account for the life we have lived.

 

Blessings and love to you Kayla.

 

Question - when you read the bible, do you understand it, does it come alive for you or is it just literature?

Permalink Reply by Kayla on July 17, 2012 at 5:39pm

It's just literature to me. I have the NLT too...

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on July 17, 2012 at 6:52pm

k :0) Thanks for bearing with my questions. I appreciate your boldness girly.

 

Blessings to you.

 

I pray : that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18  having the eyes of your heart(s) enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might 20 that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, 21  far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 22 And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, 23  which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

Permalink Reply by Kayla on July 17, 2012 at 7:25pm

Thanks for reading my posts and trying to help me :) I wish it were more than literature to me. I'm going to start going back to church. My friend said she would go with me. Maybe it will come alive then.

Permalink Reply by Kayla on July 17, 2012 at 5:38pm

But you can't be "saved" when you don't believe....

Permalink Reply by Amanda on July 16, 2012 at 10:14am

Permalink Reply by Jenny on July 18, 2012 at 8:29am

Kayla, I pray the Lord richly blesses you!

I have been in a similar place before putting too much of my happiness or self-worth hinging on my relationships with others. And then these relationships end abruptly and I'm left floundering. 

I look back now and thank the Lord for showing me not to put my trust and hope in others, but in the only thing that never changes, Himself. 

The Lord is so patient, He knows we're a work in progress and will do whatever it takes to help us move our focus and attention from worldly things, things that pass away, to His eternal love and Lordship. 

I have been learning that nothing but the Lord God can be safely relied upon. Not even myself. It's funny to write this because it seems like that's a depressing thing to say, that I can't trust in myself, but it's such a relief! I spent so much of my life trying to convince myself that I have the answer "within", that I just need to grasp at the best part of myself, yada yada... but when I read the bible and realized that there was deceit and wickness and everything that exhalts itself within me, well let's just say I stopped tapping that well:)

The Lord is our never ending well of truth, life and righteousness and in Him is found eternal life! What a relief to recognize our sinfulness and repent and then turn to the Lord God Almighty!~

Love, 

Jenny

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on July 31, 2012 at 6:35pm

Kayla - I found these series of vids and thought you might like them:

 

How you doing girly?

 

Permalink Reply by Kayla on August 3, 2012 at 8:06pm

Thank you! I will check them out :)

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