All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Love Your Enemy
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Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on
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I saved the thread this time before posts disappeared, so I went back and read all the posts. I see now what you said about apologies. I also saw another thread you started the other day on boundaries and will post under there next. On one hand here you are saying that you feel embarrassed or shy when someone apologizes to you or also when they compliment you. I would say this is due to the abuse you suffered, because you don't seem to be shy now..you are bold for the Lord Sis praise God! We can talk about this under your boundaries thread which is where I think it should go. Boundaries is the first stage of healing right?! It is a very eye opening subject that everyone needs to understand.
Now on the other thing you say about how it is prideful for you to require an apology from someone who has wronged you, why do you believe this?
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When are you going to the library?
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Hi sis,
I just read all your posts here on boundaries and apologies and I will go over to your boundary thread to discuss it there.
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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on
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Parts of a Sermon from one of my favorite preachers and some of my personal thoughts:
John McCarthur - http://www.gty.org/resources/sermons/2227/Love-Your-Enemies-Part-3
...The test of our Christian character is not how we treat our friends, it's how we treat our enemies; that's the bottom line. You can really tell all there is to know about a man's true spirituality by what he does when people attack him, what he does when people despise, hate, persecute, stand against, or criticize him. That will be the revelation of the reality of his life. If he is a creature of love, made so by the indwelling presence of Jesus Christ, he will love that person just as much as he will love his dearest friend, because it will be his character to love and have little to do with the person involved.
That is essentially what Jesus is saying in this passage; He is saying in verse 43, "Your tradition tells you to love your neighbor and hate your enemy. That's what you've learned. You've learned that there is a justification for hatred, a place for vilification, animosity, bitterness, revenge, for resentment. You've been told that your pride is justified and your prejudice is allowable. You've been told that there are some people you should hate." But in verse 44, He says, "I say to you, love even your enemies."
What men do and what God commands are two different things, and that is the essence here. The people to whom Jesus spoke thought they were good enough. He says, "You're not good enough at all. Your kind of love is not adequate. Your kind of love is very, very narrow; it picks out its objects. The love of those in My Kingdom is indiscriminate; it loves friend and foe just the same." EOQ
But how do I get to the place where I can do as the Lord did on the cross or Stephen did when he was being stoned for preaching the Gospel or when someone that is suppose to love me, hurts me?
I have found that abiding in Christ is essential to be able to love through such circumstances. The fruit of loving those who hate us (for whatever reason), at such times can be so great that we are blown away. Once we love, instead of falling into the many pits of hate, one can fall into, we see the beauty that comes out of that. At the very least, we are able to sleep in peace at night knowing we are doing our part to bless those that hate us.
When there is no apparent fruit, which there always is, even if we do not see it, and the offender continues to do things that are hurtful (whenever necessary we depart from them if needed), but we continue to look at them as God looks at them, with compassion. Our heart's should break for them, because we know they are lost and blind, they really know not what they do. We are God's children and those that persecute us or look to hurt us are arousing God's judgment over themselves, so we ask our Lord to forgive them and to make a way for us to reach them through loving actions. Those who hate are hurting and are unhappy. We are the light and the salt of this dying world.
Hate is not part of our new nature. The natural response for us should be love and not hate, but hate remains a response of the flesh when we do not understand that we do not fight flesh or blood, though the attack almost always comes dressed in flesh and many times flesh familiar to us, our heart's should break for them, they are lost and blind.
Love is patient and is kind, but there is also a time when love corrects or takes corrective action. If someone is being hurt physically etc... Pressing charges against such actions do not constitute hating the person(s). It is simply seeking help from the situation in a way the Lord has provided.
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I did like this article David, says it very well.
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Checking to see it this is the correct reply button to use.
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Jane,
One of the changes that the Holy Spirit made in me is to remove my ability to hate another person and to be able to find sympathy for them when they might not be acting in a situation where sympathy would normally be felt towards them. With this change comes a need to pray for them. We don't have to hate anyone. It isn't a necessary emotion. I am the one hurt by feeling hate towards another person. They feel it not at all. Same with jealousy. A useless emotion.
Like so many things that Christ taught us that helps us to grow, hate is an emotion best forgotten.
Blessings...
Rita
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Rita,
Exactly right. We love the sinner, but hate the sin. Unfortunately, I feel few people know how to handle the sin part. They become doormats for the offender's sin. Love speaks the truth in love and insists the offender take steps to heal him or herself. Turning the other cheek does not mean going into denial and allowing the offender to wreck havoc with the lives of ones family or others. We are to love, forgive, feel empathy and compassion, pray and minister to the one who is tormented who goes around tormenting others, but that does not mean that we are to condone ungodly behavior that is destructive to the offender and those he/she offends. I feel the Church has dropped the ball when it comes to teaching on how to handle such situations. Secular groups like the 12 step groups actually have more of a handle on what needs to be done in such cases then the Church does, but because they do not give the One True God honor, they are blinded from seeing the complete answer. There are, however, believers who do have the balance when it comes to counseling one who is acting ungodly. So, as I see it, that is where offenders need to go if they choose to repent and heal. They are rarely ever willing to go on their own accord - that's why those they offend must take a strong stand to get them there, otherwise they will suck the life out of their victims endlessly. This is exactly what satan wants! Love is NOT a doormat- love stands firm and will not bend to ungodliness- it mercifully guides offenders to the door of healing by not cooperating with ungodliness. This forces offenders to make a choice to heal or not to and it allow victims to move on.
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Hi Char,
The 12-Step groups call it "tough love", the Word calls it "speaking the truth in love". They are very similar. Some families go through scenes like what you described here, endlessly, so the problem never gets better- the offender is sick and the family is sick. So often I have heard sermons in church about just loving the person. Well yes we should do that, but we can love them into Hell if we do not love them with balance. Just putting up with their tantrums is not the love the Bible speaks of.
Just as secular programs and counselors do "interventions", we who know the Lord must do balanced spiritual interventions letting offenders know what we will not support their ungodly behaviors, that we will do all we can to assist them to get the help they need through Christian counseling sources, but if they choose not to accept the help, we must let them know that we will not be partners in helping them destroy themselves and us, their family.
Obviously, offenders are out of control whether through generational sin, problems in their family growing up or sometimes of their own choices. We must let them know that they can not take us down with them, that we offer the hand of help to get them to sources that can minister to them. Some will accept the help and others will reject it. We have to let them know we love them and our door will always be open to them if they ever choose to come to God, but that it can never be acceptable for them to dwell with us wrecking havoc with our lives.
I am reminded of a story that spoke greatly to me at one time. There was a brother in the Lord who taught Christian seminars on the Family, on raising children to know and serve the Lord. He was a great teacher who helped many parents understand the way to train up their children. As it turned out, his own teenage son became very rebellious and brought great dishonor on his ministry. At the time, I thought the scripture that says train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart, meant that we as believers had a guarantee that if we brought our children up for God, even if they got out in sin for a time, they would come back. I had heard dozens of sermons on this, but I came to see this is not the interpretation. I then decided it meant that we will give them every chance to come back to the Lord, but still they have a free will and must choose God or not.
Now this brother believed that God's love does not mean that a parent should chase after a rebellious child. Rather, he felt, just like the Prodigal Son's father demonstrated, that in such a case the parent must let the child go. As it turned out for this brother, his son finally did return one day, sick of his sin and lonesome for his godly family, ready to turn back to God. But like I said, not every prodigal will choose God. Parents must allow their kids to decide just as God allows us to decide who they will to serve.
It is certainly a hard thing to go through, but we can not allow our kids, other family members or others to willfully sin in our presence in our own homes, disrespecting us. Really it is God they are disrespecting. Secular counseling has a word for this, "enabling". We who know the Lord must not become enablers, neither should we turn our heads and do nothing. As I said previously, we can offer to assist offenders to get to godly Christian counseling, then we must allow them to choose. As I said, the Prodigal son's father did not go running after him- he allowed him to leave out into the pig pens of the world while at the same time entrusting him to God. Likewise, we must be willing to release the prodigals in our lives.
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