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I am a defeated soul folks. I tried all things possible to make a living. All things.

Long story short: I have been reduced to the worst form of loser in existence, and I cant seem to do anything about it. I dont even try anymore.

I've had faith God would bless me, but the years (9 of them) have been dry, empty, and me watching others catapult ahead. I've completely given up on God, my future, and anything. I cant even get back into school without taking out loans.

I pray to God to help me get back on track. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I know I hardly know anyone here, but my life isnt a life of eternal life. It's more like eternal death...eternal suffering...eternal failure. I need freedom. I am currently seeing a Christian Therapist/Counselor.

I want to win more than anything, but with the way life is progressing, I'd rather die. I've been around enough times...everyone insists Jesus is everything.

I dont even care anymore. I am so dead in spirit I cant even fight the faith.

Is the Christian life merely just waiting to die?

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Hi Hector

I know it is tough, but you have to try again. I have felt the same in the past, when I was battling with a disease for 9 years. The world couldn’t help, but when I turned my life completely to Christ, that’s when things changed and I am now healed in Jesus name. I know how hard it is, but it is the only way. To get you on the right path and doing things the right way, you must listen to this message by Curry Blake’s. Just download it and listen, I promise you, if you receive it, it will change you:

Please, don’t give up.



Thank you. I was trying to look for good Curry Blake New Man training vids, but the copies on Youtube sounded grainy and incoherent. What you provided is PERFECT, and I thank you for this.

I think I need to fully go all in. I never fully committed.

EDIT: Yep. Curry Blake was the missing message that's helping me understand

That’s awesome Hector. You’re right, that’s what it takes, complete, 100% consecration and dedication. I listen to Curry at least 6 or 7 hours a day, driving it in, as well as renewing my mind with the Word.

Please remember, it does sometimes get worse before it gets better. The devil wants to test us to see if we really believe. The disease I had got a lot worse the first month, but as I continued to stand in faith, believing God's Word, I saw improvement. You’ll eventually get to place where you’ll enjoy the fight, because you know with Christ, you’re going to win!

God bless you and keep you strong!


Hi Hector, 

I pray all is well with you. If you get a chance, please let us know how you are doing?

Be blessed!


Hello friend. I have been there too! I have prayed for death more times then I can count. I have held a gun to my head and then - as a sort of confirmation of my seeming failure at everything - I was too much of a coward to pull the trigger! I couldn’t even succeed at dying! Ha!

I am a humble woman and I have no authority to advise you. But I know how hopeless feels and I just wanted to extend the knowledge I found that has helped me to fight through hopelessness.

In the book of Philippians, Paul is writing to a church he helped to raise up. His brothers and sisters are distraught at his suffering, inprisonment, and the risk his life is facing. But Paul write to them and illustrates how even his “misfortune” is blessed because through his imprisonment, he is continuing to work through Christ. He is spreading the good news and fellow prisoners and guards are finding their faith - and this alone makes him filled with hope.

I believe sometimes we are meant to suffer, that only through our suffering and the dark places that we walk through, are we able to do the work of God. All 12 of the apostles lived as poor wanderers and were persecuted and eventually killed in terrible ways! And yet, they were some of the most blessed and holy people to ever walk the earth.

So now I see my darkness, and as Jesus begged God that the task ahead of him might be passed along to someone else, I often beg also that my life be something less painful. But in the end as Jesus said “Not my will, but Your will be done Father” I pray this too.

We may be working merciless through just something simple we offhandedly say to one person or another and feel as though we have accomplished nothing because we do not get to see the whole picture from God’s perspective. Maybe the dark place you are in has saved countless other people.

I pray you find comfort! I pray you find hope and stay strong! You are priceless, brother, God’s priceless child and He is on your side.
Giving up is the least thing you should do now. God will always stand by your side when you need Him. You can't give up on Him. He didn't give up on us. He protected us from our own sins. He has given His everything for us. He loves us so much. He sacrificed everything for us. So He doesn't deserve to be given up. He deserves our faith, our trust,our love even though it will be hard. You can't give up. One day the light of your life will shine because of God and your faith on Him. Believe in Lord. Amen.. Love You God..


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