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I need an answer
My husband of 13 years is addicted to drugs. For the past 6 months, he has begun to stay gone all night at least 2 nights every week. He lies about where he is going, tries to hide his whereabouts, and what he is doing. He is texting and calling other females, when questioned, he just says it is business. He either buys from or sells drugs to these women. He says that there is nothing else going on. He told me to not worry at some point he will be home and I shouldn't sit up all night worrying about what he is doing and where he is. I love him, we have a family, have 3 children at home. He leaves the children home alone while I am at work, they are old enough now to be alone, they are ages 15, 13, and 10, but he spends no time with them. I do not want to end my marriage,I don't want my children to have a broken family. They know that something is wrong, but they aren't sure what it is. I have prayed for him to be healed from his addiction. But he does not want healing. He blames himself for his brothers death and claims that using drugs is the only way that he can get through the day. I have tried to tell him that I feel so lonely, I am always alone. He is gone all day and most of every night and all night at least 2 days a week. I eat alone, spend my time alone and most of the time sleep alone. He seems to think that my request of his changing his behavior is unreasonable and calls it mood swings because I get upset. How can I find peace and forgiveness and what should I do?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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My husband is gone again tonight, for how long, I can't be sure, where or what he is doing, I am not sure about that either. But I do know that he is using drugs and has been since last Thursday night. I watched a t.v. evangelist, one that I watch every morning, and today he talked about marriage. He said that how my husband treats me is none of my business. That only how I treat him is my business, and as long as I treat him as God would have me too, then when he is treating me wrong, God will deal with him. Please pray for me that I will treat my husband in a Godly way, and that our marriage will be blessed. I am watching so many of his "friend's" marriages fall apart, and I don't want ours to. Also, please pray for me, because sometimes I wish for a "normal" marriage, I long for companionship, and I don't want that to be lust, and I am afraid that maybe it is. Sometimes, I wish that I could meet someone who doesn't have these problems, but yet, I want my marriage and my family to stay strong. Please pray for us! I watched another t.v. pastor, and he said that in every prayer, you should ask that you and your loved ones that you are praying for experience God in their lives. He said that should be enough said, that will cover every aspect. So please help me to pray that my husband and I experience God in our lives, in our marriage, in our family. Thank each and every one of you and may you experience God in your lives as well.
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Permalink Reply by rachel fetherston on
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I will pray and I'm sorry that you are alone again. You aren't REALLY alone though. I find when I'm alone I can sensde God's presence near. He is with you Denise.
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Permalink Reply by funmi sam on
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Dearest Denise......
I will join in praying for u and your home tonight.. i pray the Lord keep your kids from this pain.
I also pray that your kids wouldn't follow the same path with their father as they grow in JESUS name
The Lord will keep and encourage you..
I agree with the 1st person that contributed..
Please find a christian counselor and a pastor to talk with you
and wait upon the LORD in prayers for directions and help and strength
A moment like this, you need the word of GOD to hold on to.... for assurance and help.......
Remember GOD said, HE will save us and our household..... please remind GOD of HIS promises.
Its well my dear.
Also its best you introduce and expose your kids to the path of the LORD at this early stage so that they can join in faith and you can have peace concerning your kids..
God bless you
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Sorry folks, I did not even read to the bottom of the replies as a resounding thought started to spring forward. Denise has a real issue and is asking for real answers, not a debate over who believes what. Denise I feel your pain. Being a person delivered from alcohol and hard drug addiction I believe there is no right or wrong answer, as each situation is different. Your husbands actions could be a cry for help or he could truly not want any help from anyone. The addiction issue is a stem of pain and self loathing and until a person sees that they "do love" and "are loved" and really do care and may be losing everything they care about, they may never seek help. I truly believe in the healing power of Jesus but until your husband feels that he could be losing everything he cares about, he may not even recognize that there is a problem. Yes Jesus is the answer but you do need to take care of yourself and your children. Being the adult child of an alcoholic and the decision to put up with my fathers' cruelty, left me motherless as well as fatherless. Your actions affect your children as much as your husbands. Do not let your guilt be your guide and Christian counseling can be very helpful.
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Thank you all once again for your concern and prayers for my family. My husband has been "high" since last Thursday. I am not sure if it is to show me that he is his own boss and will do what he wants, or if it is because I haven't said anything in the past week about his actions. But for whatever reason, he is still doing drugs never the less, and staying gone every night until the wee hours of the morning, with whomever, and doing whatever, only the good Lord knows. I am going to continue to forgive him, the scripture says that if I can't forgive, then I can't be forgiven. I am going to keep on loving him as the Lord loved us. I am going to remind myself that it is none of my business how he treats me, only business I have is how I treat him, and if he continues to hurt me and disrespect our marriage and my feelings, that the Lord will deal with him. I must do the right things and follow the scriptures, walk in line with the word. Today, my favorite pastor on t.v. that I watch every morning, who by the way is Creflo Dollar, said that the way that we handle our problems is the reason why we stay in them for so long. For instance, the bible tells of wandering lost in the wilderness for 40 years because of the way they handled the problem. Apparently, I have been handling the problem in the wrong way, and that is why I am wandering in the wilderness. I do not want to continue in this problem, it already seems like 40 years. If you have any suggestions as to how to handle this problem, I would most certainly be glad to hear them. I really don't know what to do, but I am praying that God will deliver me from this wilderness, and heal my husband's addictions, and keep my family intact and safe. Thank you all and continue to pray for us, Please!
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Denise, I don't know what you mean when you say that you have been handling your problems the wrong way. You are asking God to show you the way and that is the right thing to do. If you feel that God is leading you to stay with your husband then i would ask God to give you the peace, patience, love, perseverence, etc to stay with him. If He is truly leading you to stay with your husband,He will provide you with all you need to sick with it. If you continue to feel a lack of peace, patience, etc, you might consider an alternate plan. Did you say that you have a church that you attend and a Pastor with whom you could seek Godly counsel?
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Rachel,
I have been begging my husband to quit the things he is doing. We have been arguing and he says that I am pushing him away and accusing him of things that he isn't doing. So, I have decided to keep my mouth shut, I don't say a word or act upset if he stays gone all night or is high. I act as if everything is perfect, and every day I tell myself, that yesterday is gone, what happened yesterday is over, and the future hasn't happened yet, today is a gift from God, that is why it is called "present", and I try to make the most of it. I feel that God wants me to stay with my husband, the scripture says that God hates divorce, and that the only reason for anyone to obtain a divorce is adultery. I am asking that God give me understanding, patience and endurance and that he will have his will in our lives and our marriage. I don't think that separation would be good for either of us, I for one, have a great problem with being alone, and I think that I would start dating in fall into a life of sin should we separate or divorce. I think that being married is actually good for me. I just know that this life is not quite right and it needs God in it, and I am asking that we experience him. I love my husband, and according to the scripture, I must forgive him or I can't be forgiven. So all I can do is turn it over to God and ask for him to work his will into our lives. Don't you feel this is correct? If not, please tell me! I do not have a Godly counsel to speak to about this and I want to do the right thing. I am sure that you read my post about the pastor on t.v. saying that the way he treats me is none of my business, that the only thing that is my business is how I treat him. If he treats me badly, then God will handle it, as long as I am doing the right thing. Thank you again for your prayers, all of you. You are all good friends, and I am so appreciative of you!
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Hi Denise,
I agree that if God has shown you to stay in the marriage then he will give you the tools and equipment needed to maintain a peaceful loving home and heart. However, I feel strongly that due to the level of support and guidance you will need to "ride out the storm", you will HAVE to locate a stable sound church so that you can get support, guidance, and Godly counsel. I do not agree with your previous post when you stated that how your husband treats you is not your business as I believe that the way your husband treats you not only affects you, but also your children. Children imitate beahviors. As a human being, I expect respect from those around me. I agree that you need to keep forgiving, but should never be a punching bag or floor mat for anyone. Not that you are doing this.
What type of church do you have access too? I think a number 1 goal should be to locate a church ASAP.
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I am writing once again. What started out to be a good day turned into a dreadful one, and I am mad and heartbroken. I asked my husband to go with me to buy a new table and chairs, which he did.He has been at home for the past 3 days, because he thinks that the law is watching him. He did tell me that, although he wouldn't admit to me why. I knew, of course, and just kept quiet, to avoid an argument. While we were there in the store, he got a phone call. We bought the table, or should I say, I bought the table, he didn't contribute a dime for it, just the money for gas to haul it home, and came home only for him to have a screaming mad fit about having to put it together, and be in the house"doing chores" as he said. He screamed at me that I had no feelings for him and what he had planned to do and went out of the house mad.He said that I got what I wanted and then got an attitude about it. Now, he is on one of his drug induced missions again. He apparently got a phone call from some of his drug "buddies" and couldn't wait to get a way from me and off again to do what and with who. I was heart broken, he never spends anytime with me, and for him to go shopping with me, I was in bliss! Then I was heartbroken and mad. I lost my temper and I had to stop and ask God to forgive me for that. Now I am dreading tonight, wondering if he is going to be gone all night, wondering what he is going to do. I came to this website looking for comfort again. I am so thankful for all of you praying for me and him and our family, please pray for us again tonight. I am so sorry that I lost my temper, but I am only human, and sometimes it is just more than I can handle right at that moment. Please pray for me, I need it so desperately. Thank you again, and God Bless each and everyone of you!
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Hi Denise,
I love what Bev wrote to you.. I am in complete agreement with her...
Let me also just say... I really don't think it's that he doesn't want to be with you. I believe it is very convicting for him to be with you. You are like a mirror that causes him to look back at himself....it's difficult for him to face what he sees.
Psalm 23
and proverbs 3:5,6
Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you...
Much Love in Christ, Carla
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