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My husband of 13 years is addicted to drugs. For the past 6 months, he has begun to stay gone all night at least 2 nights every week. He lies about where he is going, tries to hide his whereabouts, and what he is doing. He is texting and calling other females, when questioned, he just says it is business. He either buys from or sells drugs to these women. He says that there is nothing else going on. He told me to not worry at some point he will be home and I shouldn't sit up all night worrying about what he is doing and where he is. I love him, we have a family, have 3 children at home. He leaves the children home alone while I am at work, they are old enough now to be alone, they are ages 15, 13, and 10, but he spends no time with them. I do not want to end my marriage,I don't want my children to have a broken family. They know that something is wrong, but they aren't sure what it is. I have prayed for him to be healed from his addiction. But he does not want healing. He blames himself for his brothers death and claims that using drugs is the only way that he can get through the day. I have tried to tell him that I feel so lonely, I am always alone. He is gone all day and most of every night and all night at least 2 days a week. I eat alone, spend my time alone and most of the time sleep alone. He seems to think that my request of his changing his behavior is unreasonable and calls it mood swings because I get upset. How can I find peace and forgiveness and what should I do?

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We can surely feel for you in your situation and pray for you, but it would be difficult to tell you via internet exactly what you should do. He needs help and so do you. He needs help to overcome his addiction and pain. You need help in dealing with what you are going through. If you attend church I would encourage you to speak to him. If you do not have a pastor I would encourage finding a local Christian counselor and to seek out a good local church. You need the positive fellowship found in the body of Christ. These are some starting points, but you cannot do this on your own.

May God help you through your difficult time,
Am I to understand from your line of reasoning that if something is not mentioned in the Bible it is demonic?
Do you understand the type of training a Christian counsleor goes through? They are not a Christian who is a counselor, but one who has been trained to guide people through specific difficult situations using God's Word and trusting in the Holy Spirit. Please research what it means to be a Christian counselor before you condemn it as of the world and evil.

Might I add as well that the term counselor is not bad either as we know that the Holy Spirit is called Wonderful Counselor (Isa. 9:6).

Lord Bless,
Training in a specific area. For God has again and again shown that He calls certain people for various tasks. This is evident throughout the Bible from Old Testament to New Testament. In the making of the tabernacle God did not use anyone but the one's He set aside with special skills. In the New Testament we see God calling some to be pastors and some to be teachers, etc.. A Christian Counselor is a person specifically gifted and trained to help people in their time of need using the Word of God and trusting in the Holy Spirit.


You are mixing Biblical counseling up with worldly psychology. That is an error. They are not the same thing as you suppose. You are free to believe what you will. I have no desire to engage in long term debates on this issue. Be blessed.

Denise, a Christian counselor is trained to help. I encourage you to seek one out.

Lord Bless,

You are making certain assumptions that I must clarify and then give you a link to read from You assume that I am not carying Denise's burden by encouraging her to find a church if she does not have one or speak to her pastor if she does. Yo assume I am not carrying her burden by encouraging her to find a Biblical (Christian counselor). The church will love her and the pastor and/or counselor can sit down with her face to face and dig into the deeper issues behind what is going on that is not appropriate for cyerspace. This advise along with prayer is carrying her burden and leading her to where she can find the best help and that help is locally with a person who is trusting in the Bible and the Holy Spirit. Secondly, here in open cyberspace if she were to completely open up she would receive many different opinions about her situation. I guarantee that will happen and she will leave more confused than when she asked it. How do I know this. So far only four people have responded. So far you and I disagree on a simple topic of whether a local trained person should sit down with her using the Bible trusting in the Holy Spirit. Your intention is honorable, but the results you seek by the method you desire through cyberspace will end in badly more often than not. God is not a God of confusion, but not one person has perfect clarity.

You may can comfort her and console her, but you will not counsel her via open cyberspace.

Biblical counseling is biblical and blessed by God. Do not get it confused with worldly counseling.

If you have anymore questions start a forum on Biblical Counseling and lets stay focused on Denise in this forum.

Praying for you Denise.

Lord Bless,
the following sentence

"You may can comfort her and console her, but you will not counsel her via open cyberspace."

should have read

"You may can comfort her and console her, but you will not effectively counsel her via open cyberspace.

Hello Paula, I understand your reservations regarding Christian counseling and have read your comments regarding such.
I have also read on this subject, so it seems the same materials as you have om the matter.
Please let me tell you firstly a biblical counselor is a very different matter to a worldly psychologist etc..
And regarding baring one anothers burdens that is exactly what a biblical counselor is.
Only instead of being joe blogs whom opperates the best he can, they are scripturally trained to have appropriate scriptures and doctrine to share on the specific matters that their clients face.
Where as most of us having never faced such circumstances will have lesser knowledge of scripture to be helpful at the right time.
These are people who have dedicated themselves to learning how to be the kind of people who truely bare one anothers burdens effectively.
Just as we are all equiped to share the gospel, we are not all called to be pastors or preachers, and we understand that a pastor/preacher has had to undergo a certain level of education on the matter, such as a biblical/christian counselor.

Yes it is both with the understanding that cyberspace has limitation and certain dangers regarding sharing too much. I highly encourage in this case her seeking out a face to face.

Lord Bless,
1CO 12:1 Now about spiritual gifts, brothers, I do not want you to be ignorant. 2 You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. 3 Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.

1CO 12:4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men..

1CO 12:7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.

1CO 12:12 The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

1CO 12:14 Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. 15 If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be., 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

1CO 12:21 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

1CO 12:27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28 And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But eagerly desire the greater gifts.
And now I will show you the most excellent way

If you go back to my first posting I encouraged here to find a local church if she did not have one and to find a local pastor if she did not have one.

I live in a very small rural area and resources are very limited as to counselors, etc. I am also ashamed to tell someone what has happened, especially to people who have known me all of my life. My husband does not want help from his addictions. It is almost as though he wishes to die. He says he gets up every day and wishes that God wouldn't make him live another day. Partly, I believe that is from the drugs, the low after the high, partly that is the depression from the death of his brother. I want to thank you for your prayers and advice that you have given me. Please do not forget me in your prayers! God Bless You for your kindness!
Denise i pray for you and your family and i know how hard it can be to keep a marriage together in tough times. I also know that you can't force anyone to think or feel a certain way.
But i do believe God has the way for you. If you could ask him at a time when you think would be willing to pray with you this would be a great moment for you to pray on the situation with him . Pray for healing in his heart, pray for your children, for your love, for all the wonderful things that are present. And if he would speak the words "Lord will you forgive me and come into my heart" with a true heartfelt request the Lord will answer.
I understand that this might not be possible for him and that he sincerely has to want this. But it is well worth a try. Anything is possible for God .
And for yourself stay with the Lord spend time and read the word. Stay busy with family and friends and enjoy your kids and the PRESENT moment, move forward with your life and let the Lord take control of the things you can't. Ask him not to leave your side and he will be there. May God bless you sister AMEN !


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