I know my topic had been up here way too many times.
I attend Catholic Church for the sake of keeping my family together (long story short, I ended up believing that the last thing God wants is for my family to split every Sunday).
Sorry, I'm not that good in English language, I hope you understand my point and I hope not to upset anyone. I have no-one to talk to.
My daughter is due to start catechism I went to church like every Sunday and in the evening I decided to go to confession, something I don't normally do. I just wanted to chat with the priest, I still don't know why I told him, among other things, that sometimes I feel like an hypocrite to either myself or God. That there are certain things in Catholic Church I couldn't do, and that the way the Bible was revealed to me was different in many aspects.
I told him that I normally communicated to God through Jesus and that I did not "use" Mary or saints to get to Him, I regretted it instantly. The priest wasn't happy and I understand but the worst was that he said to me that God doesn't speak to me or to anyone, that he always used prophets and that it was the same the other way around. So when the people in the wedding wanted more wine, they did not ask Jesus directly but Mary, that Mary agreed to be Jesus' mother because of her free will so we need to look up at her because if it wasn't for her Christ would not have come. That he didn't need to convince me of anything.
For some reason, I feel really bad now, I am pretty tired of the whole thing and of not wanting to offend my Catholic husband, I'm so tired, sad, confused, etc. And then I do not want all these prefabricated stories to be fed to my daughters.
I feel very lost right now.