Divorce in a christian household

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 13, 2009 at 5:27pm

Tony,

In response to your question, which you qualified as a Christian household which is a place where the husband and wife are both saved and walking in Christ as Christians, there would be no need for divorce. Love would be the driving force in the relationship. A love that is geared towards the best interest of the other. Divorce would not be an option because of love and God's Word.

MT 19:4 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,' 5 and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

and

MT 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

Lord Bless,
LT

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Permalink Reply by Tony on February 13, 2009 at 10:15pm

are you saying that one person fell out of love with Christ? because the couple that i'am refering to was a pastor and his wife, I believe the thing for me, it was real heartbreaking thing because I know they are two annointed people and to allow satan to destroy what God put together just baffles me.

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 14, 2009 at 5:43am

Tony,

I cannot say if one or both have fallen out of love with Christ (not lost, but growing cold if they ar eboth saved) because I do not know them or their heart. What I can say is that if they are headed towards divorce, one or both have ceased to walk with Him regarding their marriage. One walking with Christ will do everything possible to save and restore the marriage, divorce for two believers should not be an option. Those whose marriages are in trouble will also seek counseling to save the marriage. Again, divorce should not be an option. If they came together in love and got married, then the love needs to be rekindled. People drift apart, but effort needs to be made to overcome and to restore. If they are headed towards divorce, something is wrong in one or both of their walks in my opinion, recognizing that I do not know them, but do understand God's view on divorce.

Satan can influence, but he cannot force them to divorce. That is a decision that they either accept or reject. If his influence is breaking them up, that only illustrates that one or both have drifted from walking with Christ.

It is a tragic situation, but cannot ever be viewed as the good or right option if both are walking with Christ. Marriage is intended for life.

I will add that divorce is a tough topic that deals with some of the deepest of emotions in a person. Many people end up in divorce that never wanted it, Their partner separated from them for various reasons. Some have been abused, others have been cheated on. The pain these individuals feel is real and their dreams often shattered, for no one enters marriage (in their right mind) with divorce on the radar screen. At the altar they are hoping that this is for life.

You asked "Is there ever a good reason to divorce.' The answer is no. There are many reasons and all of them are bad and sin related. Again, I must be careful to note some have experienced divorce and all the hurt that comes from it and did nothing to cause the divorce. The spouse caused it, but at the root of the cause you will always find sin, even if the sin is only the sin of selfishness or simply giving up.

Lord Bless,
LT

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Permalink Reply by Tony on February 14, 2009 at 8:55am

Again Bro LT you were extremely helpful. I'am so glad I joined this site.

Be Blessed

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Permalink Reply by Paul on February 17, 2009 at 4:33am

Hi, i'm Paul and at present i have tryed every means possible to rectify my broken down marrage after only just over one year, my wife has just recently had our baby, not even that has opened her eyes, it's terrible it seemed like when we were married two chemicals exploded, and we drove each other apart rarther than letting God pull us together, she has given up it doesnt seem real, it's demonic, but ive told the solicitor my faith in Jesus and my love for Sally will not give up yet, the devil has got Sally, and her family ties influance, she needs to be set free from the grip that satan has on her life and mind..please pray that she will put Jesus first and formost in her life,Amen love in Jesus.Paul

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Permalink Reply by Tony on February 17, 2009 at 9:41am

I noticed that you said that you tried everything you could, I know it's will be hard but not impossible, but, must let go and let God. What i mean just try to remove yourself from the situation and let God have his way in her, you noticed I didn't say it would be easy or quick but you must trust in God. He said in his wor that His way is not like our ways.

I pray God wil keep you.

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Permalink Reply by Paul on February 20, 2009 at 4:33am

Thanks Tony, I'm gonna lay it all down at the cross, i've tryed to the extent that i fear all ive done is driven nails in the coffin, so I can only pray that our lord will reverse the irriversable.Amen sorry lord it's all yours, bless you Tony.

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Permalink Reply by Nana Phala on March 18, 2009 at 6:03am

Hi Paul,

Divorce is real and its an issues that affect everyone. Most Christains are ignorant about this issues. From the time when one find it in the heart that they want to get married, the first thing they should do is accept that divorce is real and can happen to anyone. by so doing they can equip themselve with all the necessary tools that can prevent divorce. We are human and subject to imperfections, and when you get married you are not marring a perfect being. The other thing is that people get married for wrong reasons. Just because your calling matches will with sister whoever does not mean that you were ment for each other. married goes beyond material things and the ultimate solution to this is for all of us to go back to God who is the founder of marrige.

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Permalink Reply by Natasha Mayes on June 18, 2009 at 4:35am

According to Mark 10 : 6-10 the Lord only grudgingly allowed divorce in a case of adultery ONLY. 1Cor 7 : 10-11 Paul teaches that a believer is never to leave his/her believing spouse. verses 12-15 teach that if an unbeliever leaves his/her believing spouse, the latter is no longer under any obligation to the marriage, though it does not permit believers or unbelievers to instigate divorce.

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on June 27, 2009 at 2:53pm

Strong in Christ,

My heart goes out to you as you go through a very difficult situation. According to Scripture, your husband's actions give you the right to divorce him and be free of the marriage covenant because he has broken the covenant. Though you have the right, that does not mean you have to exercise that right. You desire to see the marriage restored is biblical and honorable, though it may never happen. God will not force him to come back. He may cause many things to occur in his life and your husband may expereince divine discipline, he still has the freedom to choose whether to come back or not. I believe that this knowledge as to whether to move on or fight for the relationship is something that you must lay before God and wait for Him to answer you. I am confident that God will give you wisdom and peace regarding the direction you should go.

Regarding your specific question, I believe you will be given peace regarding that decision. That does not mean that there will not be hurt, but the peace of God, knowing it is the right decision.

Lord Bless,
LT

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Permalink Reply by Debbie on June 27, 2009 at 11:17am

Dear Tony,
The reason...the enemy. I've been riding out a 21 year marital storm...won't go into detail.(some things are better left unsaid), Having said that I'm keeping the faith...i'm surprised a pastor would give up so easily and I can't think of any other reason than the enemy won.
I have to add...it is not easy, sometimes it is downright terrifying. But I believe God's will will be done...He is the only one who knows what tomorrow brings. I always pray for good days though...:)
Blessings,
Debbie

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Permalink Reply by Davis Stokes on October 28, 2010 at 8:48pm

My wife has filed for divorce after 18 years.

I was baptized last year, 2009 (my wife was baptized a year into our
marriage), and afterward I was compelled to confess to my wife that
I'd had a brief fling 14 years ago at a time we were separated. The
separation had nothing to do with any infidelity, but my wife felt she
needed some breathing space as we were going thru some unrelated
issues.

In 2005, we had some financial issues for which I was to blame and in
2006, my wife left with our 3 children to Atlanta, GA. We had
discussed it at some point but she decided to go ahead, not caring to realize or comprehend the consequences of her action. We lived in NJ at the time.

Thoughout the past 4 years, I've gone to visit on average 5/6 times a
year trying to keep the family unit intact until I could find available work.

One of the main issues I'm not with them is because there is
none to little work in my field (copy editing) in the ATL area, at
least I'm not getting any feedback sending out resumes and such.

I've tried to explain this over time to my wife, but she doesn't seem
to want to buy it, thinking I don't want to be with them.

Fast forward to last year when the infidelity issue arose, and with
that, her father was dying of cancer (he succumbed two months ago). It
was after he passed that my wife pursued filing for divorce.

The past year and a half, has been dealt with emotional abuse from
her--insults, belittling my character as a husband, as a
father--comparing me to others in the church.

I admit I wasn't mature enough to deal with the slings and arrows she tossed my way especially when I'm only in town temporarily, so it's easy to know I won't be there long.

I've tried to convince her the past few years for us to try counseling, perhaps, via conference call or something since my visits were too sparse, but she never bought the idea.

We attend the same national church organization; she in ATL, me in NY.

She's made known since early this year she wanted a divorce going by
Matt 19:9. Even her own church leader thought the unfaithfulness
should be due to a pattern of violation, as others, including my own
leadership have concurred with.

Since she can't be shown this scripturally, she's chosen the literal
wording to sever the marriage. She says she's forgiven me, but can't
trust me. Since I'm in NY, I know Satan has gotten well meaning
spiritual friends of hers to question my being apart.

I believe more to the point is that since she's intimated at various
times in our marriage of her unhappiness, she's using Matt 19:9 (I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness...")as her loophole to get out.
My wife says she prayed and fasted on her decision.

Scripture says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new
creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
[2 Corinthians 5:17] I suppose this scripture doesn't absolve me.

My violation occurred many years ago and I've repented before God and her.

I've tried to discuss things with her church leadership, but for whatever
reason they have followed her narrative of our relationship where only
her voice has an audience. I've emailed my concerns, but feedback from
her leadership has been rather silent.

Anyone stating anything on my behalf is met with dismissiveness since I know some of the brothers at the church she attends.

Satan is making us become another statistic and although I can't truly
fathom my wife's pain of my violation, I hate that our children won't
see that their parents can truly overcome and allow God to reconcile
our relationship.

I know my wife's heart is hardened, but I was hoping her church would
sit with her, if they hadn't, to show that reconciliation and
restoration is preferred.

Davis

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