Accountability

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ron Payne on June 2, 2008 at 12:58am

Hi Sander,
Elsewhere I have spoken on habitual sin or addiction. So an apology to those who have read it before, but because I cannot remember where the discussion was, let me say it again.

Sander, people make such a big thing out of addiction that they drown themselves with different solutions. The stronger the addiction the more complicated the answers. YET THE ANSWER IS EXTREMELY SIMPLE AND IT WORKS EVERYTIME.

The answer lies with a question.
Why do people drink until they are "Blotto"?
Why do people smoke?
Why do people commit adultery?
Why do people take habit forming drugs?
Why do people commit incest?
Why do people do anything, anything you wish to name that is self inflicting or even sinful?
Why do people sin?

The answer every time is: Because they want to. It's as simple as that.

Until they reach the point where they "Don't want to" they will always want to continue in their addiction. This fact never changes.Whether you are an adulterer or a paedophile or whatever

Sander this is not some simple stupid reply. It is a fact of life.

You can go to the best rehabilitation centre and be given the best treatment in the world, but unless you REALLY don't want to continue with the habit, both you and the people helping you, are wasting time.

If someone wanted to push you off a high rise building, or into a flaming fire, There is no doubt in your mind and mine that you would fight, spit, kick or run, call for help, until you got away. WHY? I'll let you answer the question.

So there you have it. The ONLY answer there is to your problem.

Until YOU don't want to, you and everyone else is wasting effort and time.

Yes, as in alcoholism, or any other habit forming drugs one may require medical assistance, not to persuade you to stop, but ONLY to help in avoiding seizures etc.

Any centre or "Guru" that tells you they have a solution without you knowing, without a shadow of doubt in your own mind, THAT YOU REALLY WANT TO STOP, WOULD BE WASTING THEIR TIME AND YOURS.

My brother or sister Sander, believe it or not is as simple as that. You personally have "TO WANT TO STOP".
Ron.

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on June 2, 2008 at 5:43am

Sander,

I agree that before one can be broken from any addiction one must have the desire to be broken. The will has to be set against the addiction and the desire of the heart must be freedom from the addiction. If that desire is missing no one can help another over come.

I differ with my brother Ron, whom I love in the Lord and respect, reagrding it only requiring the will (For clarity sake, sense words can be misunderstood, nothing I write beyond this refers to Ron or his post, but is my understanding regarding the subject).

An accountability group or partner cannot make you stop something, they are there to challenge you, to seek to ask the hard questions that often go unasked. To address the sins in our lives that would remain in the dark, at least hidden from those of the world, if not challenged by people who care. These people can assist you in your walk toward freedom, but cannot drag you there.

Many will argue that a person can lie to the accountability group or partner. If one does lie, then the liar has not set their will to be freed from that which entraps them and the liar has totally wasted the time of the person or people they are sharing with. The accountability group has two purposes. 1) to hold one accountable for their actions. 2) To encourage the person on their walk to freedom. Some would argue, "isn't that what Jesus is supposed to do?" "Isn't it Jesus that sets people truly free?" The answer is yes, but He often uses people in the process. Take for example salvation. Is it not Jesus who offers and gives salvation? He is the Savior, but He, with rare exception, uses people to share the gospel that leads people to Him and then they are set free by His work, love and power if they accept Him.

There are four things to help you on your journey, if you are saved. If you are not, then that is the starting place, finding salvation. But, if you are saved then the following four things help us grow in knowledge, wisdom and strength:

1) Daily in God's Word
2) Daily in prayer
3) Participating in a loving Christian fellowship.
4) Find an accountability partner or group.

I woiuld also encourge that you research the biblical understanding of sanctification as it applies to one's life and the empowerment found there in through the Holy Spirit.

Lord Bless,
LT

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Permalink Reply by Ron Payne on June 2, 2008 at 10:49am

Thank you LT,
You are absolutely right when you say that addicts need someone to challenge them. To at least instill a desire to change and encourage.

I was simply pointing to the "raw" truth that the cure requires.
Invariably when the addict realises his or her predicament, they turn to friends or "Dr Doolittle" who only complicate the matter.

Once the addict comes to a real understanding of the simple truth, that
one MUST want to stop. Victory is attained by how badly he wants or needs to reach that point.

I've had alcoholics "turn" to God, for help, not because they want the help but to simply have another excuse: "I asked God and He didn't help me." They will use this excuse with Rehabilitation centres, Specialists in the field, friends, loved ones, social workers and group therapists.
Instead of saying: "I don't want help, they have their excuse in that they blame others: "No one can help me."

Also having undergone the Merry-go-Round of the helpers mentioned above. They get to know all the questions and answers before they are even asked

Normally they have to reach the "prodigal Son" experience. "And when he came to himself" Luke 15:17 before the penny finally drops.

To be so blunt, hurts me, because it appears to be harsh, but I prefer to get down to the reality and as they say: "the ground base" of the problem.

Thank you for your input, answers and questions do provide a platform whereby the truth of the matter may finally be aired and help Sander to identify the root cause and the answer to the problem be realised and happily lead to a better and healthier life.

Your Brother and Friend - Ron

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on June 2, 2008 at 12:37pm

Understood and was confident that we were on the same side of the table, just maybe a slightly different view of the same picture, but none-the-less, the same picture..

Blessings,
LT

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Permalink Reply by Sander on June 2, 2008 at 2:41pm

Thank you for these thoughts - Ron, you're certainly right. I need to want to stop more than I do now. Every time I mess up, I feel like I really want to change, but I need to put more into it than I have so far.

LT, you also have some fantastic advice and thoughts. I'll look more into sanctification especially; I've heard that term before, but never really connected anything to it.

Thanks so much again for all of your help!

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Permalink Reply by AAG Netguy on June 2, 2008 at 10:16am

Hi Sander,

Welcome to TheNET! I'm so glad you asked your question. I think an accountability partner is a good idea and am in a number of accountability relationships myself. I've found them to be an encouragement over the years.

As a first step, I would suggest joining the "RealPath for Men" group and sending a message to the group to see if there guys there who would be interested in joining you in such a relationship.

If you don't get any response from them after a week, then please contact me and we'll see if we can get you set up with someone. I'm sure there are plenty of people willing to help. We just have to identify them.

In the meantime, grace be with you!

Greg

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Permalink Reply by Sander on June 2, 2008 at 2:37pm

Thanks for the site - I'll definitely look at that. This is a great site. :D

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Permalink Reply by AAG Netguy on June 3, 2008 at 9:36am

You are welcome, Sander. Glad you are finding it helpful.

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Permalink Reply by RoxChelseaGilmore on July 15, 2009 at 9:30am

I am

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Permalink Reply by Gayla on July 15, 2009 at 2:56pm

Hi Sander,
I am so proud for you, that you are concerned about your actions, so many are not. It is very refreshing to see one who is, and please know that God is for you, it is his will that you become all you can be, for your good and his glory. He delights in us, when we are seeking to be free from things that would harm us or hinder us in our walk with him.

He asks us to confess our sins to him, that he may remove them from us....notice that he is doing the removing???

This is very important, to realize that this is Gods will, and that he can accomplish this thru the power of his Holy Spirit, living within. You are not on your own. God is with you, and God is for you, and Jesus is at the right hand of the Father, praying for you.... is that great, or what?

He designed us to be free, in him, and not be enslaved to anything, and he put within us the desire to find that freedom. Sometimes we look in the wrong places, but, you are coming thru the right door, so, all you have to do, is keep seeking, and you will find, the freedom that you desire, thru Christ, living within.

Some sins are harder to overcome than others, and these have been called a besetting sin, or a stronghold. Jesus came to break the strongholds in our lives, and he both can and will, if we keep seeking him. Do you know anything about fasting? If not, it would be a good idea to do some studying on it, to find out more about it so you will understand how to implement it into your lifestyle.

Fasting is designed to empower the spirit, and to decrease the flesh. That is what you need. The more you feed your spirit man, by reading the word, studying it and meditating on it, the more you are in spirit led worship, and around spirit filled individuals, the stronger you will become, and esp. if you add fasting to this list.

Since you started this blog, you could report to it, daily, weekly, or how ever you feel led to do so. The ultimate accountability is to yourself. When you truly desire to be free, you will be. Nothing can stop you, esp. if you do it Gods way, which I have listed above.

Knowing that the God of the Universe, is in your corner, cares where you are, and how you are, and where you are going.... to me, means the world...

Picture Jesus, right by yourside walking with you, because he is, in the spirit. Concentrate on his presence in your life, and what that means to you. Don't do this for someone else, do this for you. Learn to love yourself, as Jesus does.

He gives us the command to love others, as we love ourself..... well, if we do not love our self, how can we love others?

When you take this attitude, you will not desire to do anything to yourself, that will harm you, in any way, and when you think about Jesus, walking right beside you, the desire for anything else, will gradually fade away, and freedom will come.

You are worth the time and effort it takes, to make you all you can be in him.

God be with you..., friend.

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Permalink Reply by Ron Payne on July 16, 2009 at 12:23am

Hi Gayla.

I quote your words.........

This is very important, to realize that this is Gods will, and that he can accomplish this thru the power of his Holy Spirit, living within. You are not on your own. God is with you, and God is for you, and Jesus is at the right hand of the Father, praying for you.... is that great, or what?

Those words of yours to Sander were truly inspired by the Holy spirit, Gayla. In fact you had just fulfilled the command of Christ to His disciples in your advice to your friend.

What does that command say?.

"Teaching them (Whoever) to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen" Mat 28:20

The Lord continue to Bless you in His service.

Your brother and friend in Christ.
Ron..

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Permalink Reply by debra on July 16, 2009 at 11:59am

There is a wonderful ministry called Celebrate Recovery.. it helps with all the things that have mentioned in these replies..you will be able to find accountability, step study, and fellowship, Christian recovery, with bibical 12 steps. sorry i cant spell.
go to celebraterecovery.com and search for a group near you..
I have been going for 3 years... its sounds like something your looking for to include in your walk.

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