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I am new here, I've joined in search of answers and help.....

My first question is can I be forgiven...
my life has not been easy, though compared to the horror stories so many are living at this very moment, my life has not been by far too tough...
but any things in this life of mine have helped to lead me astray from the Lord and his path..
I developed a problem a few years ago, becoming dependent of a certain narcotic..
it has since shattered me emotionally,making my life miserable at times, I am often desperate and lost...exhausted and terrified...
I've tried so many times to turn over that new leaf we all speak of...and each time I've flipped this leaf over, I was leaning on the support of God, he helped me through it. The first time I was clean for more than a week, I was completly devoted to God, I wold read from the bible every day, pray every chance I had, attend church whenever possible, confine myself to positive people etc. For months I was like this, fullfilled and happy. But then it happened, I caved to my devilish desires and have been struggling ever since. I turn to God , I get clean for a week, sometimes two, and then I fall from the light into the dark.
My question is, does God grow tired of this? Will the day come where he can't help me anymore, I've hurt him so many times , will he continue to open his arms when I am ready to quit this lifestyle yet again? Or does he only forgive us for the same sin a limited amount of times? Have I been running in circles for so long that God wants me to clean myself on my own and then come to him?
The pain from withdrawling from this drug is horrific, but that time long ago when I turned myself completly over to God, I suffered nothing, not one bit of pain did I feel..nothing. Since then though, everytime I try to quit and open up my bible yet again, I still go through the pain of withdrawl. This is what discourages me, for Ifelt Gods arms around me that first time, and haven't felt them since, I feel he's given up on me. Is this true? What do I do, could someone please tell me how to fight this?
I hope noone thinks poorly of me because of my addiction, I am not a dirty, scruffled junkie....I am only lost is all. I am still a great, caring person, I love so many, I work, I go to school and I battle my demons also. But I promise I am good person, I have a big heart, I love everyone and I hope to be loved in return because of this, and not discarded because of my problem...
thank you

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Unnamed for now,
I am so moved by your comment, it's amazing that so many strangers are so concerned with my well being. I've copied and pasted your comment into my microsoft word, and have printed it, just as a reminder of God's wonderful children willing to help one another. I've printed your piece so that I may share it with others I know, perhaps get them to join this not worry, I promise to give you full credit.. thank you so much for your words ;-)
Of course you can be forgiven. We're all pulling for you and are here to lift you up. It took great courage to post this in public!!!

Keep your faith. Everytime you doubt yourself or the power of God's love is the devil opening his arms to you. No one is perfect...not one person on this Earth today. You just have to believe in God and yourself. Whatever you are addicted to you can overcome. Nothing is stronger then God...NOTHING. Put your faith him and ANYTHING is possible. Addiction is a horrible tool of the devils. I know from my own past and from watching my brothers present. Anyone who is attempting to overcome an addiction is subjected to the failure that comes with it. I have a handful of friends who have "relapsed" and overcame that relapse and tried again. You just have to keep the faith...TRUE 100% faith. Whenever you question your faith pray....while its probably not tempting, you should consider confiding in someone who also has a relationship with God and have them pray for your fight as well....there is most diffently power in prayers and the more prayers the more powerful. Go one on one with the devil and prove to him that he is NO match for your God and your faith. I cant say it enough...Stay strong and keep your faith! A book I would STRONGLY advise you to consider reading and you could relate to is Brian Welch's aka Head *lead guatarist from the band KoRn* book Save Me From Myself.

Love and be loved, hate and be hated

Thank you so much for your comment.
I forgot all about Brian from Korn. I've never listened much to their music, but there was one night when I was restless and unable to sleep, that I came upon a program with Brian on it. He was talking about God, his faith, and being saved. It was enough to captivate me for the whole night and then some after the program was over. I'd love to read his book. Thank much....
Thomasina, You are at the right website. I fall for other substances and know that God is your only way out. Welcome. You are in my prayers.
I appreciate that Rix, thank you so much!
Hey Thomasina,
I was really touched by reading your post. And I can certainly relate to what you are going through as I'm sure many others here can as well. I've spent a large part of my life going back and forth between living for God and living for the world. That's the downside of having to live in the "flesh". Like the bible says...."the spirit is willing, but the body is weak". So, I doubt as experience has taught me, that the "temptation" to return to sin will ever go away competely. But, I have learned that the more you stay in God's Word, and the more you pray and focus on the things of God rather than the things of the will get easier to live for God. Just remember that just because you slip back into the things of the world, God doesn't love you any less. It is becuase He loves you soooo much that He convicts your heart and conscience to turn back to Him and away from doing those things which are against His will. I've found that when you truly humble yourself before God and admit to Him that you are too weak to solve your own problems, that He can then work His miracles in your life. Don't ever put faith in your own ability to solve your problems apart from God........cause it probably wont work !! God loves you Thomasina and wants you to be happy in life. And even when things seem their worst and it doesn't feel like God is there.........He's there. Just a prayer away.
And by the way.......even if you WERE a dirty, scruffled junkie.....God would still love you just the same as everyone else. God's love is so much purer than ours, fortunately for us. God bless and keep praying.
You seem to understand a great deal, as do so many others who have reached out me on this wonderful site. It's amazing. I love your line "it will get easier to live for God"'s more than a line, it's philosiphical, if you will. Honestly, it is that line that I will put my faith into, that I will remind myself of continually....
and you know, I thought about that junkie bit I added after my p.s, I thought maybe I should delete it, for I know a few scruffled, dirty , junkies, and their great people...
and you are right, God still loves them.
Thanks to everyones caring words and assurance, I will commit myself yet again, but this time with this site as a crutch...
Thank you
hi thomasina you sound very brave to me,just keep reading your bible,pray alot and god will hear you.god loves everyone the same.keep your self clean do it for your self. god bless you.
Thank you so much.....brave? I've never been called that before...I am honored....thank you
just keep reading your bible and pray every day,your life will change for the better.once again you are brave ,it takes a lot of guts to share your thoughts with everyone.god bless you.
Hi there Thomasina,

The colours that the Lord uses in the verse quoted below are the ultimate, in that, what can be more red than crimson or more whiter than snow?

Now read the promise from a God who cannot lie

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. Isaiah 1:18.

This is what happened to the sins in your life when you turned to Him for Help. What God is saying, is that no matter how bad your sins are, He will clean and clear you of all of them.

But not only that He gives us another promise:

I, even I, am He that blots out thy transgressions for my own sake, and will not remember thy sins.
(Isaiah 43:25)

When God says He will remember your sins no more, He is also saying in a sense: "I Will even Remember to Forget your sins"

The Lord Bless you as you walk close to Him. Listen carefully for the voice of God. When He speaks to you with words of correction, it is not your conscience, but God Himself.
Your Friend In Christ - Ron.


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