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Hello again! I am so happy to see how much my brothers and sisters in Lord Jesus love me! I want to be able to reply to everyone that has come to respond to my cry for help. Thank you.

I still feel that heavy feeling that I am not cared for, or that my thoughts have caused God to be away from me....I understand these feelings are not connected to reality....but why do I still feel so strongly?

I decided to do more research, but then I found a sentence that bothered me, once again.

"Anyone who is without Christ and without hope or who adopts the world’s values may come to view life as futile and hate living"

I am not the person that has much self-esteem, and I have not liked myself, at all. I would say if I could, I would forget about me and be someone else....someone that has a normal any other Christian. I feel so messed up, and I only have myself to blame. I do berate myself, feel anger towards who I am, and I have even thought of maybe just putting my life to an maybe I could finally be with God and Jesus, and know They are with matter what thought and feeling I have.

I do feel resentment, and....I guess hate about my life and myself. I just do not see anything to value in myself, I just see myself as unloveable, rejected, and unhappy with myself and how I turned out.I just see myself as a guilty sinner who does not deserve anything, not even pride or love towards myself..... but I do not want it to mean Jesus is not with me! I do accept Jesus Christ as my Savior, I had ever since I was young!

Have I just read that passage wrong? Do I still belong to God and Jesus even though I have these feelings?

Forgive me for asking once more....I need help. Please.

With love,

Cheyenne MoonWillow

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Comment by deedee310 on December 4, 2009 at 6:23pm
I can relate to how you feel, I have been feeling this way for a long time. It is something that I am struggling with and hopefully soon I will be totally delivered from these feelings. I have been told by so many people that these feelings are from satan, he wants us to feel this way. I often feel as though God is angry with me for a lot of reason. Mainly because of my sins, my actions, my thoughts and my words. I guess my biggest question is, how can God truly forgive us, especially when we live wickedly and disobey him. Even though I pray and I ask him for help and forgiveness, It's hard to live "Christ Like". A part of my prayer is for God to help me through my struggles and to forgive me for all that I have done.
The first thing that I am starting to do if to forgive and accept myself, which is not easy to do. I have to often remind myself that I am human, we all make mistakes and we must all deal with our bad decisions that we make in life. Secondly, I am working on forgiving those who have hurt me, which is harder than forgiving myself. I believe that once I conquer these two things, half of my battle is over with. I have to constantly ask God for his help, forgiveness and his guidance in my life.
Comment by journeyman on December 4, 2009 at 10:05am
Hello my Sweet Sister Cheyenne; I would like to share a web place which is a very nice resource for some help from a wonderful Sister.

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