Hello again! I am so happy to see how much my brothers and sisters in Lord Jesus love me! I want to be able to reply to everyone that has come to respond to my cry for help. Thank you.
I still feel that heavy feeling that I am not cared for, or that my thoughts have caused God to be away from me....I understand these feelings are not connected to reality....but why do I still feel so strongly?
I decided to do more research, but then I found a sentence that bothered me, once again.
"Anyone who is without Christ and without hope or who adopts the world’s values may come to view life as futile and hate living"
I am not the person that has much self-esteem, and I have not liked myself, at all. I would say if I could, I would forget about me and be someone else....someone that has a normal life....like any other Christian. I feel so messed up, and I only have myself to blame. I do berate myself, feel anger towards who I am, and I have even thought of maybe just putting my life to an end....so maybe I could finally be with God and Jesus, and know They are with me....no matter what thought and feeling I have.
I do feel resentment, and....I guess hate about my life and myself. I just do not see anything to value in myself, I just see myself as unloveable, rejected, and unhappy with myself and how I turned out.I just see myself as a guilty sinner who does not deserve anything, not even pride or love towards myself..... but I do not want it to mean Jesus is not with me! I do accept Jesus Christ as my Savior, I had ever since I was young!
Have I just read that passage wrong? Do I still belong to God and Jesus even though I have these feelings?
Forgive me for asking once more....I need help. Please.