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Darlene Hight Female Hamilton, Ohio United States: Share

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How can i help a person who barely killed me!!!!!!!!

Replied Sep 24

Figuring it out ~day by day

Profile Information

Gender: Female

Country (not County): USA

Occupation:: Christian writer,storyteller, and dramatist

I'm here to...: network with other Christians

Interests:: Drama and writing

I'm passionate about...: Drama and sharing God's love through creative communication

My story with God: I have a personal relationship with God since I was about 26 years old. I love God and I am so thankful that He rescued me and my family from my mess.
Here is my testimony that I wrote awhile back:

Journey to Jesus
By Darlene Hight

As I watched my granddaughter pour the five pound bag of sugar into the canister, I felt the laughter begin to bubble up. It was a school project. She had to carry the sugar baby with her everywhere that she went for one week.

At the beginning of the week she had been so excited about the prospect of having a sugar baby. She printed out a birth certificate for it and baby announcements. A friend and she went to great lengths to decorate the bag of sugar to look like a pretty little baby girl. The project was designed to drive home the huge responsibility of parenting. Evidently, it had worked!

Friday, she got home from school, went directly into the kitchen, tore open the sugar baby and deposited it unceremoniously into the canister, her parenting responsibilities fulfilled.

The school project is a great idea, moving too fast into the adult world isn't. It can start a cycle of mistakes that build up speed like a runaway skateboard. I know first hand how unprepared a teenager can be for parenting.

I fell headlong into the adult world of parenting. One month after my seventeenth birthday, I gave birth to my daughter. I was totally unprepared and unrealistic. I expected a tiny baby to fulfill my deep emotional needs. She of course couldn't do that. My husband, also, a self-centered, unprepared parent and spouse, didn't meet my needs nor did I meet his. And neither of us sufficiently met the needs of our daughter or the two sons that followed. I can truthfully say that our life was a mess and our children were square in the middle of it. I tried to clean up the mess but I didn't know how to do that.

In the early days of my journey into the adult world, I looked for an escape hatch. I went to parties where I could drink, dance and laugh. They provided a temporary escape from reality, but I always landed back where I started, usually with less money and more dissatisfaction. The partying life was no more than a thinly disguised longing for childhood, but I was unable to reenter that world. I tried going to work, which also provided no escape. In fact, working added to an already heavy burden.

Many nights I could be found lying on my couch asking God to rescue me. How this translated was, "Please, save me from my circumstances." When He didn't do that, I concluded that if there is a God, He doesn't care about me.

My life became as futile as a super ball bouncing between the floor and ceiling. I alternated between trying as hard as I could to create a good life for my family, when I was on the up cycle; to turning again to parties or sleep when I was on the down cycle. I carried guilt with me everywhere, all the time. Unlike the sugar baby that can be occasionally passed off to a friend, guilt hung around my neck like an anvil.

I carried my failures like a laden backpack. One weight, in particular, was heavier than all the rest it was the weight of Jesus' death. I knew from my early church days that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. Instead of being appreciative of this fact, it made me angry. I didn't ask him to, I reasoned and there is nothing that I can do about the fact that he did! To me, this was a burden too heavy to carry. He felt like someone who looked down on me. I didn't like being around Christians either. They, also, seemed to be looking down on me, condemning.

But somewhere deep inside, I wanted to believe in a God who loved me. As a child, I had believed. One of my earliest memories is of touching Grandpa's bible; I remember thinking this has to be the most special book in the whole world. I didn't know it, but I was longing for a relationship with God even back then. I longed to be a good person. I didn't want to be rejected by God. I needed to be a good parent. One thing that I felt a good parent did was to take their kids to church but I didn't want to go to church. I had enough guilt. I was very conflicted.

I started sending my kids to church on a church bus. Surely, that would be considered a good thing even to church people. When the church had children's musical programs, I wanted to go for the kids, but most of the time, I felt like an outsider. I saw judgment in the eyes of the church people. I never felt dressed enough. I didn't fit in. After a while the kids didn't want to go anymore and that was okay with me.

Then something unexpected happened. My friend, Kathy, asked if I wanted to go to church with her. Kathy wasn’t a churchgoer. She was my drinking buddy and my only really close friend. She had been invited by a mutual friend of ours. We went because it would be good for the kids.

Somehow, I ended up sitting on one side of the church, alone. Kathy sat on the opposite side with the girl who had invited her. The preacher spoke that day about his life before becoming a Christian. It mirrored mine. I remember thinking, "He’s no better than I am."

Then he said something that had never occurred to me before. He said, "If you will only ask Jesus to forgive you and come into your life, He will change your life."

I had never done that. It probably seems like a common sense everybody-should-know-to-do-that kind of a thing, but for me, it was a "Eureka" moment! I sat quietly in my pew but I knew what I needed to do. I asked Jesus to forgive me and he did or at least I felt like he did. Later at home, I began having doubts about whether or not Jesus could really forgive me. My life was still a mess nothing had changed had it? I knelt in my living room that night and asked Jesus to forgive me again. This time, I became enveloped in a love and warmth that I had never experienced before. It felt like the God of the universe took me into His arms and held me, and poured all of the love that He had waited to give me. Nothing had changed in my life and yet, everything had suddenly changed.

The days that followed for all practical purposes continued on just like my life before meeting Jesus. One difference that occurred immediately is that I had an unquenchable desire to read the Bible. I read through the entire New Testament in a matter of weeks. With each page, the picture became clearer. Slowly without me even noticing, my life began to change and I began to change for the better.

I would like to be able to tell you that the rest of my journey has been smooth sailing but that wouldn’t be true. God had a lot of work to do in my life. Some of it was quite painful and at times still is, but there is a difference. I no longer carry the weight of my sin. I carry everything to the cross and Jesus lifts it off of me and places it on himself. How can I help but love a Savior who does that?

For everything there is a season. There is a season for enjoying the freedom and fun of youth and there is a season for discovering the joy of parenting. But whatever the season, Jesus is the right choice to help us through. He helped me and He will help you too, if you will let Him.

Other stuff about me:: I am married. I have three grown children and 11 grandchildren. My husband, Mark and I travel all over the country with his job. We have three furry travel partners; Woody, a yellow cat, Ivan, a 13 inch beagle and Evie, a 26 inch American foxhound. I love meeting new people as we travel the country.

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"Mark, it is not easier to be on the road longer when you are travelling with two dogs and a cat." I could feel the edge coming into my voice. My husband and I had been having this same conversation over the past several weeks. He was in Texas and I was in Ohio. He left over a month earlier to begin his new job.I stayed behind until we could arrange housing in Texas. His trip had taken two days, pulling a trailer with all of our belongings. I had been been dreading this trip for several reasons;… Continue

Posted on November 18, 2008 at 7:10am —

An Open Letter to a Soldier

An Open Letter to a Soldier By Darlene Hight Dear Soldier, Today is Veteran's day and as I sit on my outside deck drinking a freshly brewed cup of coffee, my thoughts are on you. The day is warm and pleasant here in Bastrop, Texas. My puppies are playing in our fenced yard. Birds sing overhead and I watch as my cat hunts a field mouse. A light breeze brushes across my face. I think about how I sit here in a place of peace and safety while you face the horror, violence and evil that li… Continue

Posted on November 11, 2008 at 3:17pm — 3 Comments

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At 9:39pm on November 24, 2008, Sunflower said…: Hello Ms Darlene! Hope all has been well. GBU*

*May you continue to have reasons for thanks giving*

At 10:58am on November 19, 2008, Sunflower said…: Hello Darlene..theres an update concerning the twins. Remember that its the post titled "Important..." Have a joy filled day*

At 9:30am on November 17, 2008, Sunflower said…: Good morning! The father of the children posted this message on his page : The children are adjusting, but yes, new faces and new feeding station and new situation at every turn of their head.

He also thanks everyone for their prayers & warm thoughts. Have a blessed day Darlene. Ill be back later.

At 10:12pm on November 16, 2008, Sunflower said…: Hello & God bless. I just got back from a family reunion. I want to thank you for joining me in prayer for the babies & their dad. Ill keep everyone up to date as much as I can. Sweet dreams*

At 6:00am on October 24, 2008, Darlene Hight said…

At 12:29am on September 9, 2008, Ashok Roy said…: Dear sister Darlene,
Greetings from India!
Hope and pray that all of you are fine. I am regularly praying for you and your husband.
With regards
Ashok Roy

At 12:13am on September 7, 2008, Pastor _rob said…: yes u have nine more God Bless you sister

At 2:41pm on August 27, 2008, Darlene Hight said…

At 3:46am on August 27, 2008, Ashok Roy said…: Hi Darlene,
Thanks for your prayer, I am appreciat you. Of-course I will remember you and your hasband Mark in my personal prayer. Sepcially when he is ready to join for new job, and may God help both of yo to get opportunity for His ministry. Please remember in your prayer for our India, specially for Orrisa, where 25th August few Christians were killed and few churches were burnt by one religion group of people. I am adding little details. AFTERMATH OF SWAMI'S KILLING : THE CHRISTIAN VICTIMS LIST

1) NUN BURNT ALIVE: A nun was burnt to death on 25th, Monday, after an orphanage was torched in at Phutpali in Bargarh district in Orissa during a bandh called by Hindu nationalist parties.Twenty children, who were at the orphanage, managed to escape but a priest suffered serious burn injuries in the attack.

2) RASANANDA PRADHAN TORCHED ALIVE: Another person, Rasananda Pradhan, was burnt to death when his house was set ablaze at Rupa village in Kandhamal district.

3) INFLAMMATORY SPEECHES TARGET CHRISTIANS: During the bandh inflammatory speeches spreading hatred against the Christian workers and the community were given by the VHP leaders. To gain the mass support,the activists have also carried the body of Swamiji throughout the town.

4) CHURCHES BURNT ALL ACROSS ORISSA STATE: Churches were attacked in Khurda, Bargarh, Sundergarh, Sambalpur, Koraput, Boudh, Mayurbhanj, Jagatsinghpur and Kandhamal districts as also in the state capital, police sources said, adding 40 houses were set ablaze in Phulbani town.

5) BUSES AND VEHICLES TORCHED: Mr. Mishra Digal was beaten up, while the motorcycles of Mr. R. K. Digal and Jitendra were burnt. Several buses at Gee Udaigiri in Baliguda were burnt.

6) PULBANI CHURCH RANSACKED: The Church at Phulbani,and several other churches at Phiringia were attacked and ransacked. Pastor D. Tatson's house was vandalized and his property burnt.

7) KAKRIGUMA CHURCHES VANDALISED: Churches in Kakriguma have been targeted by the mob that reportedly damaged the Assembly Of God Church and the Philadelphia Church.

8) WORLD VISION STAFF FLED FOR SAFETY: World Vision India office ransacked and the Staff has also fled to jungle for protection.

9) CHRISTIANS TAKE SHELTER IN FOREST FOR PROTECTION: A police camp at Barakhama was also attacked by the Hindu fundamentalists. With several houses being burnt down and people being made homeless, many Christians,particul arly from Nua Sahi, Munda Sahi and Suna Tonga have fled into forests for their lives.

10) NUN RAPED: A young Catholic Nun of the Cuttack Bhubaneswar diocese working Jan Vikas Kendra, the Social Service Centre at Nuagaon in Kandhamal was reportedly gang raped on 24th August 2008 by groups of Hindutva extremists before the building itself was destroyed.

11) SENIOR PRIEST AND NUN INJURED: Fr Thomas, director of the Diocesan Pastoral Centre in Kanjimendi, less than a kilometer away from the Social Service Centre, and another Nun were injured when the centre was attacked. They were taken to the police station in a disheveled state as the armed mob bayed for their blood. The Pastoral centre was then set afire.

12) BALLIGUDA CHURCH BUILDINGS DESTROYED AGAIN: On 24th August 2008 evening lynch mobs at the block headquarters of Balliguda, in the very heart of Kandhamal district, which had seen much violence between 24th and 26th December 2007, attacked and destroyed a Presbytery, convent and hostel damaging the properties.

13) CHRISTIAN BOYS HEADS TONSURED: The mobs in Balliguda caught hold of two boys of the Catholic hostel and tonsured their heads.

14) PHULBANI CHURCH DAMAGED: On 25th august 2008 morning followers of the late Lakshmanananda Saraswati damaged the Catholic Church in Phulbani, the district headquarter town.

15) MOTHER TERESA BROTHERS ASHRAM ATTACKED: Mobs attacked the Mother Teresa Brothers' residence and hospital in Srasanada, destroyed once before and rebuilt two months ago, and beat up the patients.

16) BHUBANESWAR BISHOP'S HOUSE ATTACKED: On the morning of 25th August 2008, violent mobs made several attempts to enter the compounds of Catholic Church and Archbishop's house in the heart of the Capital of the State of Orissa. They could not enter because of the police presence. They threw stones at the guesthouse of Archbishop's House, damaging windows.

17) DUBURI PARISH: Another group of fundamentalists entered presbytery in Duburi parish, managed by the SVDs and destroyed and damaged property. Two priests of the parish are missing.

18) Mr. Jamaj Pariccha, Director of Gramya Pragati, is attacked and his property damaged, vehicle looted and burnt.

19) A Baptist Church in Akamra Jila in Bhubaneswar is also damaged.

20) Christian institutions like St. Arnold's School (Kalinga Bihar) and NISWASS report some damage.

21) BOUDH DISTRICT [Adjoining Kandhamal]: Fundamentalists enter the Catholic parish church and destroy property. People are fleeing to safer places. But nothing seems safe.

22) MUNIGUDA: Muniguda Catholic Fathers and Nuns' residence have been damaged.

23) SAMBALPUR: HM Sister's residence (Ainthapalli) has suffered damage.

24) PADANPUR: One priest is attacked and admitted to a hospital. Hostel boys and the in charge have moved away from the place.

25) MADHUPUR: Madhupur Catholic Church currently under attack.

26) SMALL CHURCHES: Attempted violence on small churches in various districts, including Padampur, Sambalpur near GM College, Talsera, Dangsoroda, Narayanipatara, Muniguda, Tummiibandh, Tangrapada, Phulbani, Balliguda, Kalingia, Chakapad, Srasanranda.

27) VILLAGE CHRISTIAN HOUSES ATTACKED: Houses attacked on forest hamlets of Balliguda, Kanjamandi Nuaguam (K.Nuaguam), Tiangia (G.Udayagiri) , Padangiri, Tikabali.

28) KALAHANDI DISTRICT: Houses burnt even though the district is more than 300 kilometers from the place where Swami Lakshmanananda was killed.

29) PASTORS' HOUSE BURNT: Pastor Sikandar Singh of the Pentecostal Mission beaten up and his house burnt in Bhawanipatna.

30) KHARIHAR: 3 Christian shops were looted and burnt. Pastor Alok Das and Pastor I M Senapati beaten up.

31) AAMPANI: Pastor David Diamond Pahar, Pastor Pravin Ship, Pastor Pradhan and Pastor Barik beaten up and chased away with their families.

32) NAKTIKANI: Mob surrounds village to attack Christians.

The government has sent forces, it is reported. A delegation of Christian leaders under the leadership of Archbishop Vincent Concessao, the President of National United Christian Forum of CBCI, NCCI and EFI, met the Home Minister Shri Shiv Raj Patil and submitted a memorandum. The Home Minister assured the delegation all necessary steps have been taken to maintain peace and harmony and protect the innocent. He also expressed his helplessness by stating that police protection cannot be given in all villages.

EFI request prayers at this time so that peace and harmony may prevail.

[This list is compiled with assistance from Archbishop's House, Bhubaneswar, John Dayal, Light Foundation and EFI News reporters and other sources]

Rev. Dr. Richard Howell
General Secretary
Evangelical Fellowship of India
New Delhi, India

Evangelical Fellowship of India (established 1951) is a charter member of World Evangelical Alliance, an accredited NGO with the Economic and Social Council of the United Nations

With regards
Ashok

At 11:48pm on August 25, 2008, Ashok Roy said…: Hi Darlene,
Greetings in His precious Name from India.
My self and my wife both of we are involve in His ministry. We believe that God has given this opportunity to serve Him. Specially pray for our responsibility that we may share our faith as possible as many people and same time we can follow up them to know more about Christ.
We have two kids elder one is 14th years old, his name is Joshua, this year he is standard nine and younger one is nine years old, her name is Jemimah, she is three standard. Please remember in your personal prayer that as they are growing physically same time they may grow spiritually also.

With regards
In Christ's love
Ashok