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When I first started this prayer request I was asking for prayer but instead it turned into a discussion where people was telling what they think I should do.   I felt insecure about posting this anyways, but even after I slept on it I still feel insecure about it.  I decided to remove my opening text, delete my responses and close the discussion.  Thank you to those who did what I asked and prayed for me. 

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Gregory, you believe which means God has visited you and you have been awakened. I pray that you will find that purpose or reason for which God placed you in His family. I pray that the eyes of you heart may be opened and see that good and perfect will of God. You have been granted faith which is reason to bless the Lord in itself. Bless you as you continue on this road of discovery. In Jesus name. 

Gregory, have you spoken with a doctor?  You seem to be battling depression over your circumstances.  While the Bible is full of good advice about dealing with our circumstances, there are times that if it gets too bad, we may need to seek medical help.  Especially with the talk of death.  God doesn't want us considering that option and if it's at that point, that you're even thinking it, you should try and get some help with it.  I've been there, believe me.  And the medication they have finally hit upon for me has been working tremendously.  I still have moments, and I cry to God, but I can praise Him more and more, even through the difficulties at times. 

Remember when the woman with the issue of blood came to Jesus, He never once condemned her for all the money she spent on doctors.  Jesus even used the analogy that "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick."  Why would He refer to doctors and sick if He was condemning that?

I've tried for several years.  These types of medications are hit and miss, trial and error.  You have to come upon the right combinations and dosages. 

GREGORY, FIRST OF ALL GOD DOES NOT SEE YOU AS USELESS , SELFISH, OR IN ANY NEGATIVE WAY , YOU
MUST COME TO TERMS THERE IS MUCH GOING ON WITH YOU TO GIVE YOU THESE THOUGHTS , YES,
PRAYER I WILL PRAY FOR YOU , BUT I AGREE WITH SEEK, IF YOU HAVE HAD THESE FEELINGS ALL YOUR
YOUR LIFE , I BELIEVE GOD IS TRULY GUIDING YOU TO SEEK MEDICAL HELP, GOD HEALS THROUGH DOCTORS,
YOU HAVE ENOUGH FAITH IN YOU TO HELP YOURSELF, FOR GOD WILL BE THERE WITH YOU , MY SON HAS
BATTLED THIS THINKING FOR MANY YEARS AND HE IS ALCHOLIC WITH BIPOLAR , AS HE HAS LEARNED HE
NEEDED PROFESSIONAL HELP, NOTHING WILL CHANGE TILL YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND - SET, GO WITH GOD
HE WILL NOT FAIL YOU NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS YOU THINK, GOD IS STRONGER THEN ANYTHING , YOU
JUST HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND , AND GO WITH GOD .

Gregory, as always, I'm praying for you brother. I love you dearly & you're very special to me. You're not worthless or useless because God has placed you in my life & you've touched me in many ways. 

YOU SRE GOD's child , and he loves , a learning disabilities many suffer from but
No one is useless , and that means you.
THETE ARE MEDS OUT THERE THAT CAN STILL HELP YOU , REGARDLESS WHAT THREE DOCTORS
HAVE SAID , MY SON HAS HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, AND HE IS MONITORED DAILY, THERE ARE
MEDS OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP YOU, DONT THINK YOU ARE BETWEEN A ROCK AND HARD
SPOT , ASK GOD FOR GUIDANCE , IF ALL YOU ARE TAKING IS MEDS FOR HIHG BLOOD PRESSURE
THEY MOST CERTAINLY CAN WORK AROUND IT, I HAVE SEEN IT DONE WHEN I WAS A NURSE ,
IT TAKES TIME BUT THERE IS HELP OUT THERE, IT TAKES SOME LONGER THEN OTHERS , BUT
THERE IS HELP .

To add to Elaine's comment, they are always coming up with so many new methods daily. How long ago was it you seen your last doctor? 1 1/2 years ago a doctor was telling me I was too young for a knee replacement. Now they're telling me that technology has gotten so great that I should go for it now. I'm sure they've come up with new anti-anxiety medicines that work much much better then Xenex. Xenex is mostly used to make a person a zombie & it should only be temporary in my opinion. I've watched my daughter deteriorate on that stuff in just a few short years off of that poison & she's only 22. Praise God, she no longer takes it but it's still a daily temptation for her. 

Another thing about your parents is they were raised back when floors were dirt. I'm not saying God can't heal you but God heals through physicians as well. Personally, if I had cancer, I'm going to fight it with every single med & treatment available until I've reached the end. I'm not going to sit back & say God is going to heal me without taking advantage of everything out there that is at my disposal & that He has blessed us with in our day & age.

No, it's not simple.  I owe over $5K in medical bills and pay $45 every month just to get prescriptions that cost about another $40/mo. when I can barely afford to live.  But the alternative?  I was driving to work in a stuper, so tired that I was bound to run my car off the road if something wasn't done.  Between the depression and rhinitis, which caused sleep apnea, sleeping 8 to 10 hours didn't fix it.  I cried daily over every little thing.  I'd close my door at work and just cry.  I couldn't live like that and had to pay what I didn't have to pay.  The doctors work with me as best they can, providing as many samples as possible.  There are also bus systems for handicapped and elderly in most larger locations.  I don't know about your area, but you might want to check into it and find out.  It's all going to be dependent upon how you're doing without the help.  If you think you can manage through it, that's no problem.  But if it gets to be too serious, make a way anyway you can to seek some help for it.

Seek, you are amazing. 

GREGORY THERE IS NO 123 FIX FOR ALOT OF THINGS , BUT THERE IS FAITH , AND YOU HAVE THAT, AND
THERE IS HOPE , NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF , BECAUSE GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU , YOUR DISCUSSION
IS IMPORTANT TO US , AND WE JUST LIKE SHARING ARE OPINION FOR THEY MAY HELP YOU , WE ARE ALL
CARRYING TRIALS OF SOME SORT BUT I GIVE THE GLORY TO GOD , FOR THOSE TRIAL AND STORMS AS MANY
CALL THEM, MAKE ALOT OF US STRONGER, WE JUST HAVE TO KEEP CLIMBING THAT MOUNTAIN NO MATTER
HOW MANY TIMES WE FALL AND I MY OWN SELF HAVE FALLEN MANY TIMES , AND THERE WAS GOD TELLING
ME NOT TO GIVE UP.
AMEN SEEK , TO GOD BE THE GLORY , AMEN, AMEN .

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