All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

It will help you heal.

She said talking about your feelings may be difficult but it will help you heal.

I can’t face some of the things in my distant or recent past head on but I can use words to describe some of it and I can try to identify my feelings ... but that's all I can do.

Destruction can be seen in the aftermath of storms. I was looking at photos today and reading headlines -- a very somber stream of words saying … facing battle to rebuild … struggling to resume daily life … we will get through the days ahead … the uncertainty is the worst … it was horrifying … I lost everything.

Traumatized people seek to get back to normal or to find a new normal when their lives have taken huge shifts or when they've never known a real normal.

Leaving home after I turned 18 was a life changing event for me. I was trying to adjust.

I was suffering from PTSD. I can see it in the words of the journals that I kept during my college years … no other human being will ever understand … there is hostility towards a few for the way they’ve treated me in the past … I should love my enemies and pray for those who have used me … I feel bad about myself … I feel uncared for and unloved … make these nightmares go away … is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

The therapist I was seeing during those days gave me a diagnoses -- her subjective interpretation of my thoughts and behavior. She said it was PTSD and Dysthymia. The Greek word dysthymia means “bad state of mind.”

I prayed in my journals. One day I wrote, “Lord, today I need more than anything to feel acceptable in Your eyes. So cleanse me and forgive me and teach me and lead me.”

I was about 22 when I wrote those words. I was in church and had already received Christ as Savior and been immersed in water baptism.

I wrote, “I want to find You again in a way I’ve never experienced You before, feeling loved and accepted and peaceful in our relationship.”

I’m not a battered woman but I had an abusive childhood. In therapy at that time I was making excuses for what had happened to me. “They had a hard life” … “My parents both had difficult childhoods” …

I blamed myself.

Tags: God, healing, journey

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Comment by Amanda on October 31, 2012 at 7:05pm: There may be only a few who are interested in the pain and sorrow of another soul but I know the Lord is interested. I want to be an encouragement and support to others and some will read and call me self centered but others will read and be able to identify and not feel so alone anymore. It's difficult to identify what you are feeling. Any help with that is a great help IMO. I am thankful for those like Char who have helped me not to feel so alone.

Comment by feet trees on October 31, 2012 at 6:48pm: Sorry, I forgot to put this. The reason I probably wouldn't have put as many blogs up is because it would seem like no one would be interested. The lives of others are normal, mine isn't. No one would be interested my pain and sorrow . You have shown it's ok to blog about what hurts us because we're all only human. Keep up the good work. :)

Comment by feet trees on October 31, 2012 at 6:41pm: Sister, I have to say thank you. Some of the things you put helps me to describe what I'm going through with my past. There's times I can't describe how I'm feeling. Yet, I may find those feelings reading one of your blogs. We've got more in common with writing than ether of us know. :)

Sister, never let your light dimmen. You really are an encourgement. I probably wouldn't have put half the things I have on blogs if I didn't see someone else have the courage to do it as well. In return I've become more open. You really are a blessing from Christ. :)

It will help you heal.

The Good News