I used to think that it was impossible to forgive someone who has hurt me when the person doesn't ask for it.
Everything I've read about forgiveness in Scriptures points towards asking for it, including while being wronged seventy-seven times or seventy times seven.
How odd it has always seemed to me that forgiveness could ever truly be forgiveness when someone hurts you but refuses to apologize, and the relationship isn't repaired and nothing ever changes for the better.
As I reflect upon it, today, I think I still feel this way for the most part, but everyone -- pastors, psychologists, professors, everyone -- teaches that if you've ever been victimized, a crucial part of healing involves forgiving the other person.
In my view, there are some things that push people apart beyond the point of reconciliation. Yes, with God all things are possible, but not everyone is with God on everything in life. In fact, very few are, it seems to me.
The simplest definition, so far, that I've heard as being forgiveness is when you're not holding a grudge, and that means not wishing even the slightest of harm on the individual who has harmed you.
Amos 5:24 quickly comes to mind, "But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream" (ESV).
It's difficult to not want the other person to "make it up" to you.
It seems to me, that, to truly forgive someone, I must recognize all the hurt that was done to me, but, sadly, that means feeling all the pain, too, that was caused, and I just can't do that. I can't.