I know I'm of no importance in anybody's life or to anyone I meet. Getting to know me isn't getting to know anyone special. There's nothing special about me. I'm ordinary in every way, or perhaps less than ordinary because all my life all I ever really wanted was to be like other people, to be normal, to be average, to fit in.
I've always been less than others though and could never measure up.
My life was always tough enough without having to struggle with depression.
I find that focusing is very difficult.
Therefore, so is focusing on Christ. My ability to concentrate is impaired.
It hurts to hear I'm too self absorbed, but the truth is, I can't really concentrate on myself either and what I need and what I want.
"You're so indecisive!" My husband bellowed.
I couldn't decide on what to eat.
Really, I didn't want anything, but I am struggling to make even the most basic decisions.
I guess I just want to keep all options open forever.
In the past, when I've made decisions and they've turned out to be not so great, I think the regret I've felt over it has to be worse than just if I'd not done anything.
Obviously, the things that I've been doing to get rid of depression aren't working. One of those things is journaling. Writing is supposed to be a way of channeling thoughts and feelings and helping with focus, but it hasn't really worked. I think I will stop now.