All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others

I can't do everything at once.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I’ve been letting go of the person I used to be. Change and loss and crisis are all just kind of part of the cycle of life aren’t they? There’s hardly any way to prepare yourself for all the things that life throws at you. But maybe my everyday challenges seem small and meaningless to others. Maybe they are small and meaningless. Maybe I am.

Rebuilding trust in yourself is very difficult. Rebuilding trust in the world around you is also very difficult. Rebuilding trust in personal relationships is very difficult, too.

Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed. I can’t sort through all of it. I can’t do everything at once. There are so many things that I must do but I can only address one issue at a time. In counseling, I’ve been told to focus on my strengths but my self worth is so low that I’m not really able to identify any positive characteristics. I feel powerlessness. I feel no matter what I do, it won’t change anything. It won’t matter. I don’t even think I have any potential. They call it tunnel vision when you don’t know what else to do.

A very kind person said that depression results when someone becomes angry at himself or herself. I’ve never before considered it that way. Instead of targeting the real cause of the anger, some people turn it inward. If that’s true, then I guess I’m mad at me.

I just can’t do it. Any of it.

So I’ve been letting go of who I used to be. I used to feel confident and very hopeful and determined. Now I’m apathetic and withdrawn. It’s said that if you have unresolved emotional problems in earlier life, you will continue to have them in the present and often these problems will be intensified by additional stresses. I haven’t been able to bounce back this time. Maybe that's why. But I have tried. For two years, I’ve tried.

0 members like this

Comments are closed for this blog post

Comment by Amanda on January 26, 2013 at 2:01pm: Oops … I meant George H.W. Bush, father of George W. Bush. Dad always liked him and also Ronald Reagan. So did I. George H.W. said a lot of funny things. He is quoted as having said, "Please just don't look at the part of the glass, the part that is only less than half full." That’s funny. So, should we look at the part of the glass that is mostly empty? I can identify. He is well known for saying, “Read my lips: no new taxes.” I guess there wasn’t any “new” taxes. The old ones were raised.
Char, I think you misunderstood the quote about opinions. I meant I don’t always agree with my own opinions. So I find opinions I do agree with. Lol

Comment by Amanda on January 22, 2013 at 7:03pm: That's OK, Char. You're probably like me and have strong opinions but if you're really like me, then it's like what George W.H. Bush said, "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."
So it's better if I just agree with someone else's opinion and repeat it. It's still what I think, too. :)

Comment by Amanda on January 22, 2013 at 2:58pm: Richard, you're very kind but I'm afraid that I could never write in the way that you suggest. I am on the autism spectrum and have what is called rote-memorization. I'd always be afraid of plagiarism because of it. I don't always remember sources and sometimes I think is this me talking or something I read twenty years ago or heard someone say on television six years ago, etc ... Maybe everything that any of us knows is just a composite of what we've heard, read, studied, etc ... Maybe nothing is original. Nevertheless, there's no future in that for me.
Now, Char could write a book :)
I agree with Lina -- well said Char.

Comment by Lina on January 22, 2013 at 2:10pm: Well said Char. Sometimes in order to let go of them, we have to go right through them...

The past help shape our future. It is only after conquering our past fears that we can be renewed.

God bless.

Comment by Richard L. Broch, Sr. on January 20, 2013 at 8:54pm: Dear Sister Amanda,

I firmly believe what I'm about to say......And I pray you will seriously engage in this endeavor:

(1.) God has given you a special gift with words, and skillfully applying them in a meaningful way to read.

(2.) You have a knack of relating well with readers.

(3.) You have an interesting way of sharing your life in which people can relate.

Amanda, you should write........for people to read........and for a new horizon in which to immerse yourself.

And........if you haven't noticed - just count the "view numbers" of your blogs compared to ANY OF THE OTHERS. People want to read your material.

Think and pray about it.

Grace and Peace.

Comment by Amanda on January 20, 2013 at 9:08am: Thank you, each of you, for your encouragement. <3

Comment by Colby on January 19, 2013 at 4:48pm: God is with you, he loves and is watching over you. He made you in his image. You are precious in God's eyes. You are one of God's holy people. You are loved by the AAG community where your presence and your contributions shine the light of Christ.

Comment by Lina on January 19, 2013 at 8:03am: Dear Amanda, you have tried and everyone here knows that. A friend once told me, that as a child of God, you are a new creation, all things have passed away. No curse shall still abide with you. On your own you cannot make it. Your fear is great- like the dicsiples on the boat with our Lord Jesus Christ, we somtimes forget that the Lord is in charge. He will help us face the storms in our lives and calm them. Always remember that Jesus is in the boat with you when you encounter storms. Whatever you go through, remember that Jesus is still in the boat with you. When you think there is no way out, Jesus is the way, where there is no life, He is the life, Where there is no peace, He is peace and where there is no joy, He is joy.

It saddens me when you start giving up on yourself. One singer once said; 'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going'. This might not make sense, but in the face of trouble, you either beat or get beaten. Please don't give up because I know you can beat this. Look up to Him, who gave His life for you and me. To Him be the glory, honour and praise. He is faithful and never fails. He has never failed any one I know and you won't be the first one.

Trust Him, for He is the source of our joy.

When we think all hope is lost and we relinquish our hold on the problem, He takes control. Let go and give Him a Chance, for He is able.

God bless you sis.

Comment by feet trees on January 18, 2013 at 10:23pm: Sister, you're not meaningless. :) You mean the world to Christ. And you mean something to us, your brothers and sisters in Christ, as well.

There's a plaque hanging in the kitchen. I don't remember all of it by memory but it goes something like this.

"I asked Jesus how much do you love me?"

"He answered, This much, and streched out His arms and died".

I can't do everything at once.

The Good News