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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

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Some of the topics we touch on: Dating ethics??? What about the very common practice of Online dating? 9 signs you've met the one. Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers? Searching for a 'Sole' Mate.

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For the Child of God who's' main priority is to please God, our main goal is to date and marry the person God wants for us. God's choice for us will forever be better than our own. An excellent relationship with Daddy will help us obtain the Spiritual discernment needed to make the right choice in this matter and lots of patience to wait upon His blessing.Pastor's please give us your thoughts about the whole dating issue.

I do not recall how I received the following, but I thought it would be great to share it:
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION .. 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do
they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

I HAD THIS ARTICLE IN MY FILES BUT LOST THE REFERENCE OF WHERE I GOT IT FROM. I HAVE INFUSED INTO IT SOME PERSONAL TOUCHES HERE AND THERE BUT IS DOES NOT ORIGINATE ENTIRELY FROM ME.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

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Comment by Soldier on October 14, 2011 at 10:45am: Howdy everbody. Ive been getting messages sent to my phone alerting me to new members that join here. Im not the smartest computer guy around and most times than not, I dont have the time to trace throuth the discussions to see if there are new enteries. I'll admit, if dont see new comments in this wall, I log right back out again.

With that said, I came this group at the suggestion of another member here. I do have a past that that brought me to AAG with entry to a different group. WHat both groups I belong too has in common is they both can be places who folks who are hearting can be at/in. Im not going to open old "novels" from my past comments. Ill only say that, in my life, like many others, I/we ask God to reveal Himself/His plan to us and we are waiting for the lightening bolt to strike. Ha Ha, been that way practically my entire life. Ok God, where's the 411 from You? I dont see the thunderhead on the horizon that's gonna deliver that lightening bolt to me.

Well, guess what. No need for detail. What I will say, the "thunderhead" showed up the summer of 2010. No lightening, just a whole bunch of rough wind, high seas, and a lot of rain so to speak.

In the midst of this storm, God placed me in a counseling scene with our military chaplain shortly after the storm showed up. IN that meeting, the chaplain presented me with 1 Peter 5:6-11. That passage became my mainstay. As God gave me strength through those words, He presented me with some more words, Jeremiah 29:11. Wow! This storm aint nothing but a little bit of fast moving air now. Beyond that, He placed my eyes on James 4:8 (footnote to the context of this passage, we are ALL sinners, Beleivers or not. Praise to OUR LOVING GOD who sacrificed His Son so that those who do BELEIVE are forgiven). "Draw close to Me and I will draw close to you".

What these passages, to me, are saying is this. We hurt, we cry, gosh...we go to counseling, the world turns grey, however, in the middle of the storm, God is makingi a promise, 1 Peter 5. As He is healing us, He is always reminding us that...Jeremiah 29. So that if we....James 4:8, we will understand that He has been and will be constantly at work caring for, looking after our every move. We simply are waiting for the lightening bolt when it simply isnt needed.

I pray this can be seen visually to all soon. You see, by my own desire to follow James 4;8, there is an anniversary of something occurring in 6 days. 359 days ago, it was a simple meeting in AAG. No, no lightening bolts. God simply doing His thing in the perfect way He always does.

Im only one half of this. Should this event coming in 32 days (depending on the time zone you're in HeHee) become public with the consent of the other half of this, I pray it to be a witness of HE will draw close to you if you will choose to draw close to HIM. You will no longer need to pray for the lightening bolt. You will have the blessing of actually seeing how He moves in your/our lives in some of the most simplistic ways. We are simply to arrogant about our earthly lives to understand it if we have'nt looked to Him for all things.

Gosh....I wrote a novel after all HeHEE

Comment by Soldier on October 10, 2011 at 10:28am: Hey folks, dont be shy. We cant support each other if we're not sharing our thoughts, our hopes, our faith. If you post here, God is the One who knows who will see your post and He will lead the right person to respond to it. The best part yet, HE already knows who that person may be! Have a blessed day.

Comment by MYu on September 15, 2011 at 6:08am: Hi sonnia, please be careful if or when you decide to meet up with this guy you met online. Do your homework and make sure his claims about himself are all legitimate. If he's from God... he will be surely be all the good stuffs you have in mind for yourself and all the good stuffs God wants for you. Pray that God opens your heart as well as your mind so you can discern if this guy is the one HE has planned all along for you. YOu can never go wrong with God's choice. Avoid relying on your own decisions without having to deeply consult God's will. Only by reading God's words can HIS instructions for you will be much more clearer and concrete. I've been there... as I draw nearer to God and delighted in HIS presence and HIS word... the surer I was of hearing HIS answers to my prayers. I pray that you may be open to God's wisdom, provisions and protection as you pursue love in your life. (",)

Comment by sonnia on September 15, 2011 at 1:22am: good morning. i met someone online about a month ago. we still getting to know each other chat almost daily. he wants to meet, but i don't want to not as yet. is it to soon or am i just bein silly. i must also say that he have done or say nothing to make me feel unease i feel comfortable when we talk and we talk about anything, he is realy a very sweet man and we have so much in commin.

anyone with a bit of advice or guidance please

Comment by Soldier on September 6, 2011 at 12:28pm: http://youtu.be/KrBy-F0EWTE

Be strong in the Lord!

Comment by MYu on August 17, 2011 at 9:23am: I thought and I was so sure then that I've found the one... but I was mistaken. What is written is true... we really cannot rely on our own understanding of things, even in finding and keeping a life partner. I've come to a realization... I surrender my will to the Lord and He will allow me to gain understanding of HIS will and perfect plan for my life and that includes meeting the one HE has set to be my Godly husband even before I was born. HE never breaks a promise. (",)

Comment by Soldier on August 16, 2011 at 11:48pm: I've had alerts that new members have recently joined this group.
Have faith. Don't look for that 'one'. Focus your love on the One. When you become in tuned with His will for your life (Jeremiah 29:11), then He will send that 'one' to you. God Bless you.

Comment by Soldier on August 13, 2011 at 12:38am: Never feel finding the right one is an effort 'we' must undertake on our own. A Sweet Lady and I agreed a long time ago to let Him take us where He wants us to be. Jeremiah 29:11 has been truly amazingB

Comment by MYu on July 22, 2011 at 2:20pm: You keep inspiring me Soldier! I am praising HIM with you... nothing is impossible with God or everything is possible with HIM. Your enduring faith is contagious. It is easier to blame God for all our miseries than to acknowledge that the pain and sufferings we encounter as honing of our faith and preparation for a better and more enlightened life. You've transcended the easier path and you know it's all because of the Grace He's showered on you. Your girl has been blessed too with such a spiritual person to relate to. God bless! (",)

Comment by Soldier on July 18, 2011 at 10:54pm: My goodness! Has everybody forgot this site is here? Oh well, I'll write anyway. I didnt come to this site until I had begun the healing process from a seperation/divorce. Ha, I really didnt know how to pray about divorce as it is such an evil thing. My view, divorce is simply the ending of a marriage in which, in my own small way of thinking, was never truly sanctioned by God. Simply, the participants weren't nessecarily placing God in the center of thier relationship. As CHrist says Himself, the only spiritual divorce is related to infidelity. This post isnt about my past but my future.

See, I learned that as painful as the seperation was a year ago, as she has given birth to the man's child, this was all simply Gods design to teach me, to prepare me for a very special gift. Should one look back in the history of my postings here, you'd see that a simple greeting, not LOOKING, in chat, placed me on a journey that involves a spectacular woman. The marriage was a long stepping stone to show me what Love that is endorsed by GOd, is really all about. Neither of us are willing to say what our future together may be. However, the events in her life, likwise in mine, we both have come to realization this could only have been of His design.

Im excited how all of this is unfolding. It is my intent to contunually thank God for the blessing He has sent me through meeting her. Where will this end up? God knows that already. I pray we simply continue giving Him praise and thanks for what Hes done and for her and I to continue to faithful to the path He puts us on.

God bless you all.

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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Information

Discussion Forum

What Is Courtship?

God Works in Mysterious Ways..LoL!

Can we just allow God to work and let's stop all efforts of finding and keeping a life partner?

What about the very common practice of Online dating?

Why Your Spouse May Irritate You ?

Christ Centered Relationships Pt 1

Is flirting harmless?

finding and keeping a life partner

Can we or should we date and marry unbelievers?

Pure or Dirty.......What's the difference?

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