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Hi my name is Amandajoy I am 32 years old and married
I am a survivor of sexual, physical and emotional abuse dealt mainly by the hands of my mother and step dad two people who are supposed to protect you.


I was for years under a thick cloud, one I honestly thought two things were going to happen. One, I would be killed by being hit too hard in the wrong place. Or two, I thought I had reach my end when I found out was carrying Stuart’s child I badly wanted to take my own life, as I had hit the bottom of the bottom and thought I would never get out of it. I am not afraid to say I thought God had left me


Then at 19 I met my love, soulmate, my strength and courage.


He has and still shows me that


Life is kind and worth living for
Love doesn’t equal pain and punishment
Respect is free and unconditional
But most of all I am worth all them

They took my virginity, my body, my mind. I was not going to let them take my life


Grant has given me a strong will to live, love for a lifetime and the chance to show me God never left me like I once thought he had. 


My question is Where do I start on the road of forgiveness

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Greetings Amandajoy,

Have you ever thought about helping others who are/or were in the same or similar situation you were? I believe you can share what God has and is doing in your life to help others know God will never leave them. 

Lord bless you always!

Hi AmandaJoy,

I understand where you're coming from.  my biological father was abusive. 

God brought me through the process of forgiveness about 10 years ago.  I had to learn to let go of unforgiveness, bitterness, and distrust.  The place to start on the road to forgiveness is with Jesus.  Just be entirely honest with Him over how you're feeling.  He understands and already knows anyway, you may as well be honest with Him.  If you are unsure of how to pray in this bold honest way, read the psalms, they will give you an idea of what bold honesty looks like in prayer.  Tell God exactly how you're feeling, give it all to Him, and watch Him work.  Tell Him the desire of your heart to want to forgive, but you don't know where to begin.  Beloved, He loves you and is with you.  Trust Him.  I have forgiven my father.

Forgiveness is at the core of your process to healing.  

Blessings, Carla

What a testimony you have. I have never walked in your shoes whatsoever so I'm not going to throw a ton of Scriptures at you & the regular Christianese words. Forgiveness doesn't mean what they did to you was right nor are you to ever consider it right or just. It's not forgetting what has been done to you. I don't believe it entails meeting with the people that hurt us or even speaking to them. I read one suggestion where you place 2 chairs in front of each other. You sit in one & imagine them in the other. Tell 'them' everything you're feeling. The hurt, the pain, the anguish & heartache. Don't hold back. I feel once you start, it will flow like a waterfall. The next thing for me would be the hardest step - Release them from their debt that is owed you. Tell them they are free & forgiven. You've released them and will be praying for them.

One thing I do know about forgiveness is when you hold onto unforgiveness, it holds you, prisoner. I believe forgiveness is about you, not the person you're forgiving. They didn't come seeking your forgiveness so this is for you. I'm sure there are other things you could do. Maybe write down everything you feel hurt about & read that to 'them'. Do whatever you have to do. Maybe even look up a few Scriptures & quote them aloud. Maybe Matt 6:14-15. Tell 'them' that your Heavenly Father forgave you so you must forgive them. Mark 11:25 saying I am commanded that before I pray & if I have anything against anyone, I'm to forgive him so my Father in heaven may also forgive my trespasses. Luke 6:37 You must forgive to be forgiven. 

Love and forgiveness cannot be separated. If we choose to live out the love of God as the purpose of our life, then forgiving is an option that cannot be avoided although I feel some forgiveness is harder than others - your situation for instance. The most horrible, evil & devious people to walk this earth are child pedophiles & then for a mother, who is supposed to be your protector, stands by & allows it to happen sucks even more. OK. I got that part out of my system. Sorry. To be honest, I can't even imagine forgiveness in that situation. However, I also know in my Spirit, I would have to. 

Our best example of forgiveness is Christ. Have you ever seen The Passion of the Christ? Phenomenal movie & I'm sure it doesn't show but an iota of what He went through for us. But, what did He say while hanging there after they stripped him naked, blood dripping from those thorns shoved down on his head- and these weren't tiny rose thorns, spit running off of him, carrying that huge beam that He knew He would die on, guards at His feet gambling for His clothes, blood draining from His back from the whip that was also filled with bone fragments, railroad nails hammered through his hands & feet, and the very people He was dying for calling Him names, laughing at Him & mocking Him? He said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Now, I know we aren't Jesus but He is to be our example. Many times we don't even care to act like Jesus. I know I don't. However, to grow in Him & seek His divine will, we are to carry our cross. 

Here are some awesome quotes about forgiveness that I would like to share.

Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge our future. -Paul Lewis Boese

Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free & discover that the prisoner was you. -Lewis B. Smedes

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. -Mahatma Gandhi

Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim - letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor. -C. R. Strahan

Remember when you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow.

You're in my prayers sister & I love you.

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