All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
I need an answer
My husband of 13 years is addicted to drugs. For the past 6 months, he has begun to stay gone all night at least 2 nights every week. He lies about where he is going, tries to hide his whereabouts, and what he is doing. He is texting and calling other females, when questioned, he just says it is business. He either buys from or sells drugs to these women. He says that there is nothing else going on. He told me to not worry at some point he will be home and I shouldn't sit up all night worrying about what he is doing and where he is. I love him, we have a family, have 3 children at home. He leaves the children home alone while I am at work, they are old enough now to be alone, they are ages 15, 13, and 10, but he spends no time with them. I do not want to end my marriage,I don't want my children to have a broken family. They know that something is wrong, but they aren't sure what it is. I have prayed for him to be healed from his addiction. But he does not want healing. He blames himself for his brothers death and claims that using drugs is the only way that he can get through the day. I have tried to tell him that I feel so lonely, I am always alone. He is gone all day and most of every night and all night at least 2 days a week. I eat alone, spend my time alone and most of the time sleep alone. He seems to think that my request of his changing his behavior is unreasonable and calls it mood swings because I get upset. How can I find peace and forgiveness and what should I do?
Views: 545
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Gayla on
-
((((hugs))) God sees....and he knows.... all. Nothing is hidden from him. Take your pain to him continually, seeking his direction. He loves you with a love that nothing can take away. Protect yourself.... your husband is making his choice daily, and you need to make yours. You are not a doormat. You were not created to be abused. God is more concerned with you than he is with him, You are the victim in this, not him .
He is exercising his freewill and it is bringing you grief. This is not Gods will for you. or for him for that matter, but, he is making the choice.
We cannot tell you what to do, but, God can and will.
Take all the pain to him, as often as you need to, pour out your heart, often, asking him what he would have you to do.
Let him speak to you thru the word, thru your spirit, thru the circumstances, etc. asking him for a clear head, and also that you not receive anything except his clear direction at this time.
Father God, I lift up my precious sister to you, seeking you on her behalf. I know the pain that you are in, and how great it is, as I have felt it lately myself, but, God is on your side, (that being the side of right, and just living, and right doing ) and he is against the sin that is bringing you the pain. Lord, I ask right now, that you bring conviction on this man, I have felt your hand against me when I have done wrong, and I know personally the extent that you will go to to bring us into right relationship with you, I ask that you deal with this man right now, because of the faith of his wife, and the love of his family, I ask that you expose the unfruitful works of darkness that he is walking in, let things that are hidden come to light, let his wife have your peace, in the midst of this trial, give her your comfort, every time she seeks it, let her know that you are right there with her, that you will never leave her or forsake her, no matter what, and that she is safe in you. Speak to her children also, and give them your peace that passes understanding. Take the pain that they are feeling and let them walk in peace. I know this is possible, because you are doing it for me. Show her exactly what you would have her to do in this situation, and lead her by your spirit. Amen.
God be with you sister... seek him.
-
Permalink Reply by Denise on
-
Thank you for your beautiful prayer for me and my family. I was so touched! Please do not forget us in your prayers! Tell me, how do you know when you have heard God speak to you? Thanks and God Bless You!
-
-
Denise.......your husband is first.... God's child...one of His created beings...... he is accountable to Him first and foremost. God is well aware of what your husband is dealing with and He will have a plan for him and your family. This plan may not seem clear to you at present.......neither did Gods plan seem clear to Abraham as God made him wait 25 years before Sarah had the promised child.... Isaac. Abraham felt God had forgotten him.....and so had his first child with Hagar.....which created much turmoil for his family.
It wasn't until another 13 years that Isaac was born........even then God hadn't finished with Abraham.....when Isaac was 13, He asked Abraham to sacrifice him......how bewildered would Abraham have felt then....yet for three days he walked to the mountain that God had decreed he go. I say this for God has a way of showing His love at times.... that seems impossible to understand.....yet with faith....and wisdom.....much can be accomplished.
His plan....His will....for you, requires much wisdom.......pray that He gives you this wisdom and understanding.....so that you are able to see His hand at work in your husbands life......wherever that may lead.
Blessings in Jesus name.....
-
Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
-
Denise,
For clarity sake Paula and I have communicated to work through what appeared to be differences, but mostly needed clarification on both parts. Paula may wish to respond to my comments to verify whether she is in agreement with what I feel we agree on regarding your situation.
- We both care about you, your situatiion and want what is best for you.
- We both believe that the Word of God and prayer are essential to growth and strength in the Lord.
- We both believe you need to find a local church that adhere's to the Word of God, one that can help you grow in the Lord while loving and caring for you and your kids.
- We both agree that finding a pastor/Biblical counselor who is a godly person and aherre's to God's Word could be of help to you.
- We both agree that dialogue and prayer here on AAG can also benefit you as we encourage and pray for you.
Now there are a lot of we's in there, but it really is not about us, but about you and we are praying for you and are here for you. If we can help you in any way, let us know.
Lord Bless,
LT
-
Permalink Reply by Carla on
-
Dear Denise,
I have read some of the responses here regarding the recommendation of a Christian counsellor. I would recommend that would be a good choice...I believe that it has already been said that you should not decide quickly on whom to speak to, but rather prayerfully ask God.
We all benefit in relationships, and if you were to begin to see a Counsellor, it would be important to establish the 'trust' factor in the relationship to see if they are truly upholding God's Word, and applying it to their counselling. A good test question is to ask them 'Who is Jesus to you personally?'
We are to go to God's Word first, but God does equip certain people with gifts and abilities. When a biblical counsellor is responding to God's call on their lives, they can benefit God's Kingdom in wonderful ways. Sometimes we need clarity on how to apply God's Word to our everyday lives. It is the Holy Spirit who leads us into all truth.
It is also true that God created us to be in fellowship with one another. Sometimes our daily struggles can be dealt with in that fellowship, but other times more specific attention is needed to a circumstance....and a 'one on one' scenario with a professional may work better.
I can also see Paula's point. However, here in cyperspace it is difficult to properly handle certain circumstances.
A Christian counsellor ideally has the biblical knowledge and giftings to help you. As Christ followers, each one of us also will benefit from community fellowship with people in our immediate area. Take the steps if you haven't already, to be 'plugged in' to your church community. You need to trust someone....step out in faith.
Blessings, Carla
-
-
Thank you all so much for all the wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement you have given me, and mostly for the prayers that you have said for me and my family. I stumbled upon this website by accident, or should I say, by the will of God that I had no clue about? I am so blessed to have found all of you and I am so thankful for what you have shared with me and done for me. I have been so depressed and lonely and worried and you have given me the inspiration to press forward. Thank you again and please do not forget us in your prayers!
-
-
Please remember me tonight in your prayers. My husband is gone again, this is the second night in a row. Please pray for me and my family and also him. Thank you all and may God Bless You. I am so glad that I have found you all and such a wonderful website!
-
-
Denise, even though as a Christian wife you are called to submit to your husband.....this does not mean....you are not his spiritual equal.....in fact your spiritual journey may well be more advanced than his. If this is the case there will be a time where you may will need to stand firm in confronting the sin in your husbands life.
This requires much wisdom from above.... but may well be what is needed. The timing and method of this should be in Gods hands.....and may be months away. Much prayer is required....and God will be requiring you to trust in him more and more. In this you will be truly blessed for He is refining you for his own purposes.
Be pleased when you suffer for doing right.....the apostle James says.... for God is pleased with you.
.....and watch the miracles that God will perform in your life......as you grow closer to Him. You have a time of great spiritual growth ahead of you......James 1:1 says...." Consider it all joy when various trials come your way, for the testing of your faith produces endurance and let this endurance have its perfect result that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing"
Blessings in Jesus name
-
Permalink Reply by Tammy on
-
Dear Denise
I'm so sorry that you and your children are in such a bad situation. My prayers are with you.
I was raised in an alcoholic home, and I seen some stuff that a child should not see, I experienced things a child should not.
Your first an foremost thoughts should be for your children, and whats best for them.
I lost a baby sister to drugs, I currently have a brother incarcerated from drugs, and a sister who spent half her life in prison from drugs, and is back at it again. Some people won't change, and some will. It was our home environment that was a contributing factor. I made the decision not to take that road, and God gave me the strength to walk a better path. When my son got involved in drugs I thought i was going to die. I had got to the point where I was losing handfuls of hair, worrying if my son was going to live or die today. I remember one day I was sorting laundry, and speaking to God, and I said out loud " Father I can't do this anymore", and he said," I never asked you to." At that point I wept so hard and fell to my knees.... I felt a burden lift off my shoulders, and finally gave it over to God. I knew that I could still lose my son, but I didn't have to carry that fear.I had accepted that my son could die and there wasn't thing one I could do. It was a week after that my son came to me and said " Mom that's it, I'm done with drugs." And he claims he got sober himself, but that God gave him the strength. I'm not saying that this will happen to you. Sometimes you have to make some tough decisions. I hope and pray you have answers soon. Be prepared to make that tough decision.
Please seek out someone that can help you.
May the lord bless you and your family
-
-
Thank you all for remembering me in your prayers! Today for the first time in 6 months, I went to work and wasn't tired from sitting up all night worrying about my husband. I have to admit, I didn't sleep all night, but I did have more sleep than I normally have when he is gone which is usually none. I did have some thoughts run through my head once during the night, is he with another woman, is he in jail, is he dead, etc. etc. etc., I am sure that anyone that has had this problem knows the thoughts. But I just thought to myself, there is nothing I can do about it, God knows what is in his heart and on his mind, and he will deal with it in his own time. I prayed that if my husband didn't want to be at home with me and stop the lifestyle that he is living, that God help me deal with it and accept it. I prayed that I didn't want my marriage to end and my family to be torn apart. I asked God to bless my marriage and my family. I asked that God help my husband to heal his body from his addictions and help him to easily conquer the withdrawals and for us both to experience God in our lives. At every weak point, when I started to crumble, I would sing the words to "How Great Thou Art" and I made it through the night and day. Tonight is Saturday night, and for the first time in quite a while, my husband had a family dinner with me and my children. I thank God and you all for that, because all of you had a hand in it. He is gone now, for how long, I have no idea, so please remember me again tonight!
-
-
Cast you burdens upon me Jesus says....so easy to say, so hard to do.....yet so important to achieve.
Let me say that if you could see what God has planned for your husband in the future.....there would be some relief...It is the unknown that is troubling.
Well with wisdom and understanding from above...... the unknown is not so much an issue.....why....because when you learn to trust in Him......the unknown is in His hands.....and you are at one with Him.....for it is He who is carrying you....leading you.....showing His love for you. If only we can listen to His calling....His direction....His words for us.....how joyful we may be.
Are you joyful under this trial Denise......this is a true test of your relationship with Him......and this is where He wants you to be.
How blessed you will be if you take full advantage of this trial.......to get to know your Saviour/Redeemer in a more intimate way.
Welcome to
All About GOD
The Good News
Meet Face-to-Face & Collaborate
© 2024 Created by AllAboutGOD.com.
Powered by
